OK all…
Am I the only one who sometimes needs to have a pity party, feeling sorry for myself, but no one to vent to?
Well-- as long as the Mods see this as an '‘OK’ post…I’d like to make this a ‘safe’ place to vent about personal stuff!
Keep replies kind, not judgmental… and no politics, religion …kk??
Thanks! Have at it! 
I’ve been wanting a pity party myself but as a younger Buck and knowing how much everyone else has been through as of late on here, I think just showing each other love is important. I’m 2 root canals and 2 crowns in, maybe an extraction and I’ve been on 2 different antibiotics cuz of the dental infection but I’m feeling better. I’m mostly hurting because it bit into the money I was trying to work up to start putting towards fixing my grandmother’s house on the homestead so the bank doesn’t pull their loan at the end of the year.
Ok-- had a SERIOUSLY Crap week…
Our daughter was forced to give up her apprenticeship at Disney, and leave her boyfriend there to come home due to her health.
Trip all planned to go get her at the Airport Friday Morning.
Had the Car serviced ‘just in case’ on Monday (it’s old) since it is a 2 hour drive I’d be making alone.
Went to the Doctors on Wednesday to have Labs done and check my vitals and such… and was feeling fine.
Thursday afternoon…it hit.
Some weird respiratory flu.
Fever of 102, can’t breathe, hacking my lungs up, barfing etc…
Got 2 hours of sleep… but there was no one else that could go get her, so I had to make the trip.
That night we also had Gale warnings, with winds of 60+mph.
It did NOT snow- so I didn’t think much about it.
Took off around 8am-- had to be there for her 11:00 landing.
Turn the corner at the end of our road and WHAM!!!
I’m in a 2ft snow drift that wasn’t visible from the other road.
And I was REALLY stuck.
I panicked- I was going to be late!
But-- just then a young guy in a tow truck going past on the other road spotted me- and came to help.
He put the BACK of my car on the lift and DRAGGED me out…and I do mean DRAGGED! I could hear the front end dragging on ice and pavement…but I was glad to be out.
Turned around, went the long way around- hit the highway and was on my way…I thought.
I got 20 miles from the airport (about 80-90 miles from home) when all of a sudden, the car slows, won’t accelerate-- and a warning of ‘loss of engine power’ pops up…then ALL the lights came on, the engine started knocking and DIED!!!
SO–I’m now stuck on the side of the road in 20 degree weather, sick, and have NO IDEA how I am going to get our daughter (who BTW is in a wheelchair and slightly autistic) or how we will get home.
We know NO ONE here.
I TOTALLY lost my shit.
Panicked… not proud of sobbing like a toddler and freaking out.
Called AAA–Luckily it is a new year- I have 3 tows at 100 miles each… but how to get my daughter and get home.
Didn’t know what else to do…
I called my Mom.
Yes-- I am in my 60’s-- she’s in her 80’s…but she is still my Mom and can usually help. And She did.
Fortunately, My Brother did not have to work that day, so she called him. He is 50 mile PAST the Airport in the other direction-- meaning 3 hours from our house. But right after talking to Mom- he called, assured me he’d take care of things…and did.
He Got our daughter (who was panicked) took her to lunch (I was tooling around in the tow truck at that time, trying to find somewhere to the the Car…WHO KNEW all Auto repair Shops in Grand Rapids close at NOON on Fridays until Monday?) then came and got me-- and drove us home.
Ended up leaving it at a Chevy Dealership for a different Tow company to tow it home.
So-- we made it home…
I called the Tow Company that pulled me out of the snow-- apparently, they damaged the oil pan, and oil was draining out as I drove.
They came and got it-- but of course- say they found no damage caused by them.
SO- Monday OUR car guy is getting it from them. THEN we’ll know WTF is going on, and whether I completely blew the head gasket or fried the engine. They said I would ‘Be amazed’ at what they can fix…but we may not be able to AFFORD it- we have no savings…
And so now we stranded without a vehicle.
We are 20 minutes from anywhere in all directions…and do not know ANYONE here except our truly lovely next door neighbors. But they barely speak English, and I would not presume to ask them to drive us around.
I’m still spiking a fever, and dizzy as fuck/coughing… but doing better.
Let’s hope that is the END of what seems to be a fecking curse on our family lately…
END OF RANT!!
NEXT???
See what I mean? Lady Zandra you’ve been goi my through it for month and I hope there’s a break. I’ve managed to avoid the rounds of illness because I still mask after I was compromised by a Covid infection in 2023 but the respiratory illnesss, it’s definitely everywhere. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s apprenticeship and everything that domino’ed from it. My partners friend was also doing a similar program at Disney when he was going to FSU and I know it’s a huge advantage if you can maintain it and get through.
Man, I’m so sorry to hear this Lady Z. I hope they can repair the engine cheaply. Sorry to hear about your daughter too 
Thanks-- yeah, she is pretty devastated…
But Disney screwed her over…lucky she lasted as long as she did.
They took her knowing her disabilities, but also knew she had talent and training for both Business and Costuming from her resume & portfolio–that is where they promised her she’d be working…Concierge, or Costuming.
She got there (which it took her 6 months to earn the almost $4000 paid up front to be in the program and get housing- plus $260 a WEEK for the dorm room–with 3 room mates!) And they put her on the graveyard shift (5pm-2:30am) in the LEAST Handicap accessible place in the whole Park-- the Emporium!
Any time someone at the dorms or community center asked her where she worked, they always said ''oh my God, I’m so sorry"!!
But she got Covid when she had only been there 6 weeks-- and Disney does NOT recognize COVID as a legitimate reason to miss work, so would not give her time off…it steam-rolled from there. Had not been well almost the entire 5.5 months she was there.
She has slept almost the whole time since we got her home Friday afternoon. We will get her better, get her Doctors on board to get her healthier, then She is going to try to get back to her boyfriend-- He told Disney to ‘stuff it’ after what they did to her, and went back to California…there, he just got his RN License, and is going to try for a job at a hospital, then get an apartment and send for her in a few months…Disney (for him) was just a break after College before going into Nursing… but for her, they both thought it would be a career…
That’s just so fucked up capitalism is so fucked up, I pray for her healthy recovery and man that’s just so fucked up on top of everything else. I wish you could sue tf out of them but Disney always comes out on top from what I understand. I’m truly at a loss for words.
Hope things get resolved in the best way and fast. Very difficult situations and many at once. Blessings.
I cook, I clean, I drive, I work, I budget, I plan ahead, I make due.
All are things that are very lacking in Mrs. P so I have to fill the void and I’m not okay.
When I had a 1-2 hour commute one way… I’d end up buying groceries during lunch, then after the long commute home make dinner from scratch all before packing a bong and then tending to my plants before getting to hit it.
On average I ate dinner at 9-10pm, fell asleep 1-2am and was up at 6-7am doing the nights before dishes before making us both coffees, tea and then heading out to work by 9am.
Because of her lack of domestic skills and lack of interest in building any of these skill sets I strategically accepted that she can only contribute in limited ways.
Too bad for me she has decided that those limited things are now deemed “unreasonable” so I’m basically in love with a really shitty room mate who focuses her time on solo things versus the cooperative things that I need.
Life is terribly lonely when your other half is so self centred and who continues to justify it with her health issues.
She also makes more money than I do but I take care of most of the real expenses for the household and she argues with me about spending money on other things “for the house”.
Dog needs 100$ / month in food/treats
Bird needs 30$ / month in food/treats.
Feral cats need 40$ / month in food/treats
Outdside birds need 25$ / month in seed
She spends hundreds each month on the cats and the outside birds instead of putting it into our actual bills. She transfers me less than our monthly electricity bill and then acts all proud about it?!
Totally clueless and yet when I bring it up the yelling starts and then I’m lectured about not being compassionate.
You try being compassionate when you have slowly given up on trying to do the things you always did for decades because of your bad attitude and lack of time management.
Making plans to see friends together are now so stressful with her unknown variables I don’t make those plans any more. Heck, we make plans to go out shopping together and the very next day I’m either doing it all on my own or doing it 2-3 hours after I wanted and now traffic/people/etc.
I keep saying FML but always remember that it could end at anytime for any reason and I now take comfort in that.
That sounds like a hard situation for you man. Having a partner who doesn’t pull her weight and isn’t receptive to your opinion is a real bummer. It’s something that you can’t get over easily no matter how much you smoke to ease the stress. Sounds like she’s getting a little too comfortable with you doing everything for her.
There’s no easy answer without rocking the boat and making things even worse in the short term. But you probably shouldn’t go on like this forever or you’ll regret being a pushover. Maybe pick one thing at a time to push back on so it’s a little less overwhelming for her?
Wow, I was going to come in here and post something trivial and stupid about not being able to grow in the winter and having the itch… but… nevermind
Sheesh man sorry to hear that sounds depressing to be honest… I’ve been married almost 13 years and together 20. She’s really cool so pretty fortunate and different personality than me which is nice to balance things out. Like others mentioned def should fight back on some of those conflicts bc life’s too short to be unhappy.
Hey man, I dont want to tell anyone what to do, but you deserve better. Personally, I’d drop her like a sack of 50 pound taters. The anger comes out, because you have legitimate concerns and she is taking advantage of you. You can do better, and the sooner you do what you know you have to, the sooner you can get over it and move on with your life. The sooner you can meet someone too, who will value you.
Some people are only users and takers…you can’t change them. Sometimes that is the hardest lesson.
Thanks @Headies12green and @Cannabis .
Issue is that I love her dearly and most of the issues she’s throwing in my face are due to early Perimenopause.
She’s 42 and this has been going on for the past few years now.
I’m trying to be compasionate and doing all the reading, but the hiccup is most “men” in this situation are not also the domestic core of their household.
So I’m the “man who works” + “the woman that cooks and cleans” by 1950
s nuclear family standards.
Her Dad is an “artist” and a good one at that… but this means her mom has been the sole steady bread earner on top of the domestic core while she supports her husbands “creativity” and inability to hold down a “regular” job to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads.
I just don’t understand it at all and as a result my “drive” is considered “toxic” even though I’m not like the rest of my family with multiple degrees each, + speaking 4 languages each + climbing the career ladder.
Issue is i’m not a pushover.
I suck it up and speak my peace, but when my peace doesn’t get heard after a certain point I meltdown and go total: 
.
I’ve spent the last 15 years of my live pulling in my rage so when it comes out I take off mountaintops verbally.
So it’s been a cycle of every month there’s a blow-up… because I’ve already spent 28+ days asking and sucking up.
Sounds complicated man like most relationships but I guess we all do the best we can. My problem is I’ve got a big mouth and a short temper haha so actually don’t take advice from me. Too many times I wonder why in the world did I do that 30 minutes later.
That is tough. Dont get me wrong, if its possible to keep the relationship and she is willing to change, then I’d tough it out and see. However it sounds like she is unwilling to budge. Maybe start warning her that if something does not change you are willing to walk away. Before you do so though, make sure you have your ducks lined up so she dont clean you out financially.
I’m so sorry to hear about your issue, brother. You certainly are in a tough spot. I wish there was something I could say to help, but this is such a complicated issue I am hesitant.