Great thoughts @Hemp . 
This is why I popped my limit in beans and now have a sea of seedlings to care for keeping me from slipping back into that mental crap-basket. 
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I’m in the same boat with you. I have taken it head on. I do not drink alcohol. I am not a very nice person without smoke. I do tend to like to stay to myself. I do enjoy coming here. I’m not on Facebook or any of that other stuff. I am on discord. For various reasons. Loss of life especially loved ones is very hard for me. I seen my grandmother suffer at a very young age. I’ve seen it my entire life. I do take my problems head on. I can only tell you a few times that I have never back down. We all can talk about you know. I was one of those people. I can’t be any more. My actions can affect more than myself. When you have fallen down and you have gotten back up and you have fallen down again and you still get back up. That is human. I hate it because it comes with depression. People that have a sharp tongue people that abuse other people people that hurt other people and teach wrong to children they may not pay for it in this lifetime but they will the next. Remember this that 1st foot step forward is not to turn around and look backwards. Because we already know where we been.
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That was a little bit too much. I do apologize. I do have respect for people. These comments are not towards anyone here whatsoever. I have no problem I’ll see you a few things I can’t say that is 100%. I think we get the point. @anon90741032 I hope I wasn’t being disrespectful or out of place for those comments. I am very very sorry for your hardship. The sun does get brighter. Sometimes I have to look up.
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I hope you are OK and for sure didn’t take anything as disrespectful. 
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So as a person with SAD, that’s Seasonal Affective Disorder, I want to remind folks that we are coming into the season when it is at its worst.
What’s important to remember is that some of us need light to be emotionally stable and winter doesn’t provide enough. Nothing to be ashamed of, we’re just built this way!
So get proactive! Do things that make you feel good. Spend extra time in your growrooms with the lights on! Daily physical activity. Don’t spend too much time staring at screens. Spend time with friends.
It’s not you, it’s wintertime blues and you don’t have to give in.
Grow on!
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ya know, I’ve never heard of SAD. but it checks most of my boxes… Now I got some research to do… I’ve always sworn that the sun and sea in the caribbean is what makes me happiest, and I do find I’d rather be downstairs near the girls with the lights on, and often have wondered if the “replication of sunlight” is why… Its making some sense now…
Thanks man… Always learning stuff here… (starts googling away)
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Thanks for bringing up SAD, @Ttystikk it’s something I’ve struggled to figure out how to contend with too. Like someone else said, I think my depression is largely a function of ADHD over-analysis (aka negative ideation, obsessive scenario-spinning, etc). SAD really interacts with that poorly, between the limited sunlight and outdoor experiences and the fewer options for socializing in the winter (especially our pandemic winters!), including passive socialization (enjoying being around people without necessarily interacting). I worked in factory-type kitchens for years, including the graveyard shift, and it made me really appreciate the effects of Circadian rhythms on brain chemistry and mood. What I learned there, and still use to relative success are the following:
-full spectrum sun lamps (my QBs are the best I’ve ever had), they work the best first thing in the morning so I have my tent set to turn on just after I have coffee
-fish oils (EPA+DHA have been shown to help, Iceland and Health Canada give it out for SAD)
-exercise REALLLY helps, for me it’s aerobic stuff that gets me outside like cycling, taking a long brisk walk in the woods, for some people it’s lifting weights or yoga/tai chi. I think besides the antidepressant benefits of beta-endorphins it also helps fight the disassociation I feel with winter, puts me back in my body more grounded for whatever comes after. That might just be me, and it might just be because I’ve always done skilled manual labor, so I definitely associate being muscle sore with accomplishment.
-melatonin if your body tolerates it
-magnesium and zinc supplements
-get up with the dawn so it feels like there’s actually a day, try to get outside in the first two hours even if just for a joint and coffee
This year I want to try a dawn simulator, an alarm clock linked to a full spectrum lamp that wakes me up with light instead of sound. I’ve had good success with leaving an eastward window uncovered to get me to wake up in the morning and feel like it’s time to get up, but I’d rather have better blackout to sleep to and a stronger, warmer wakeup light. Research shows dawn simulators are at least as effective as traditional phototherapy, so I want to combine the two. TBH I might try putting a small high-CRI LED strip or two on a timer because it seems like it would be at least as good as the commercial ones, we use higher quality light sources than almost anyone.
YMMV but this is what I’ve found
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I feel sad almost everyday, even though I put on a smile and say I’m fine and everything is good for some reason I really don’t feel that way. When I do tell the truth and tell someone how I really feel they tell me suck it up life isn’t easy, or people have there own problems to worry about and don’t have the time to deal with mine. Most of my close friends and family have there own family, or I cut them out of my life because I can’t be around negative people. Being burned in life and being taken advantaged of for being to nice because you wanna do the right thing and help someone ends up screwing myself over bending over backwards for someone else. After cutting people out of my circle and now being kinda lonely it gets harder and more depressing. So I light up a joint have only less than handful of people I can really call true friends to hang around with. Think about the world and how nature is so beautiful, while losing friends and family from deaths. People dropping like flies from everything that’s going on in the world. Government taking away our rights and all the other stuff. Can’t even smoke or grow in peace. I can ramble on but yea that’s how I feel. I’d rather smoke my joint then take what the doctors are prescribing!!!
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I have a SAD lamp at work and one at home; and the grow tents which is another reason for an epic winter cycle 
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I bet you feel the draw to the tents in the winter too, like in January I’m looking for any reason to to fuck with my plants and often just go sit there and look at them with my face pressed to the tent window or head stuck inside for a few minutes. Then once spring comes I’m all “you know, I bet they’re fine, I’ll check them tomorrow when they need water”
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I’m OK my friends sometimes talking less is better. Lol. I didn’t want to sound down. I’m happy.
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Some pretty heavy stuff here.
Things are fine with me just having bad dreams pretty often still wish that would stop. I don’t drink any booze or watch any horror movies, not sure what causes it. It’s the sort of thing where even when you do sleep, it’s not restful sleep because the dreams are so active.
I just want to sleep regular sleep without any dreams would be ideal.
As far as friends irl I have one on the phone none I chill with. One childhood friend in the next city but he has drug problems and is still drinking so I don’t want to be around any trouble. And another friend who has jail problems and I don’t want to be around any cops or trouble.
So I talk to my friend on the phone and we smoke over facetime sometimes but other than that I am by myself which I prefer most times. But my thinking can be negative about it just like you guys I try not to though.
Being around people sucks ass on a daily basis it’s work. I would rather have only good people around where I can be safe, or be alone which sadly most of the time that is how it is.
Will try to start exercise tomorrow. Getting kinda swole and snowboarding season is going down.
Idk about SAD I don’t think I have it. But everyone can do better with less screen time. I don’t know why but I always read the comments of things and it always is like why did I do that to myself.
Sometimes you need to be away from all these hateful voices and for lack of a better term stupid ass bullshit. Even if it’s only an hour. The internet and social media are turning people into Idiocracy. It seems to be speeding up.
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There is a recent study done that shows melatonin helps in a lot of different things other than inducing sleep and regulating your circadian rythms and is actually a better anti oxidant than Glutathione and increases Glutathione production during the day. Infrared red light between 650 and 850 induces the most melatonin and vit D production. I am thinking of building a light if it’s cheaper than buying one. Most infra red lights are over 200$.
@Pigeonman who makes the lights you use?
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Both are Philips brand. Here’s a quick link:
That’s a link to the older version; which is what I have at home. The newer version is what I have a work. Though I got them both used ($50) at a fleamarket!
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Thanks man I will check them out, the wife hardly gets out in natural light over winter and gets SAD.
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I agree with that. @Shadey . Colors affect me. Being at home these past two years has really shown me a lot. I’ve always known I’ve had problems. I’ve always been able to leave. And I’ll come back home. If someone says you never faced your problems head on. That is not true. I’m at home for various reasons it doesn’t have to do with the virus at all. That didn’t help but. Colors we’ve had to bring the hippie colors back into our home. Old tapestries that’s what I’m about. Burning incense. These are my happy places. I’m sure mushrooms would help. And I’m getting ready to start trying to grow some again.
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I am having problems with something I really don’t wanna bring it up in a topic but maybe I need to talk with some older people like myself in private. I’m not sure what the problem is I’ve been going to the doctor. It’s like I’m allergic to some food or something. And it does depress me because I cannot target the problem.
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High CRI lights is all they are. Good grow lights are just as effective and you get additional benefits!
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I’m here man, reach out anytime.
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