In the winter this is a noble move. In the summer I don’t give homeless people more than a joint. And even then, there’s a methadone clinic right beside me so I tend to get aggravated by them.
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You gonna make it man because you have love and compassion.
God is love!
If one has love then they have God regardless if they believe in God or not (the details will come later and are of much less significance then your salvation…God has many names).
I was homeless myself for a time. In fact I was homeless when I went out into the desert to fast.
It’s interesting because it wasn’t actually my idea to go fast for forty days (who would be crazy enough to attempt something like that!?!?!). I was kinda forced to as odd as that sounds. I was a wanted man (not by the law) and for me I thought it was just an escape for my life at the time.
Now in retrospect I realize it was necessary for a multitude of reasons. Even at the time when I came out and looked at my stuff in storage I realized I had changed because I just barely recognized my own stuff. Also, somehow my back got healed (so I could trek over mountains…I have a dumb fasting story just remembered).
And I truly changed out there in the desert. They fed me at the hospital and I ate fine (the half can of spam?) but they sneaked in some of that lemon drink that gives bad diarrhea so later I crapped my pants…lol! Maybe because I was like 50 miles out of town (Indio California) so they didn’t like me because I was also homeless with no money…lol!
Here is a stupid thing I did pertaining to fasting. I hiked from Carson city, Nevada to Lake Topaz then up the Walker river over the Sierra Nevada and down into Yosemite. Took almost three months. Lived off of fish I caught and beans and rice mostly. I crossed over snow in early spring with no tent.
I stayed a week or so in the mountains just above Carson City, Nevada camped on snow. I had a -20 bag but no tent. Well, dumb me decided to fast a week before proceeding. In normal conditions no big deal but I didn’t factor in the calories I was using to stay warm.
After a week I could hardly walk. Had to sit down every few steps coming down the mountain. Left all my stuff at camp and knew I needed food bad so had to make it to town. I was so weak and light headed I couldn’t hardly make any headway.
I was sitting by an intersection on the edge of town (far from any stores) and a construction worker stopped and gave me his sandwich from his lunch. Just out of the blue. Likely saved my life! He was like you.
Funny how our bodies work and how we can train them. I did all that stuff only about 15 years ago (and am 62 now) so was no spring chicken but I notice since those days I usually go all day without eating and eat only dinner. They say breakfast is the most important but I have been eating once a day for many years and never breakfast. Sometimes I will eat earlier than evening like mid afternoon though but still only once a day.
My wife has to have breakfast and some snacks at least throughout the day plus dinner.
You scare me with your low bp and fasting regimen. Please be careful.
Peace and love to you.
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Normally this part of Halifax is swarming with people asking for money in the summer, when its minus 23 with the windchill, all but the really desperate are left.
He did not ask for anything, I just walked over to him and sat down, to be at his level, and asked if it would be ok to offer him the blankets. I was watching him trying to keep his legs warm rubbing them while I paid the parking fee. No one should be out in weather like that especially when it was going to get colder through the day and night.
He looked a bit shocked when sat down, that concrete numbed my ass in a couple of minutes. He was very thankful for my offer, so I gave him my gloves and the money as well after he told me what he had been through this last year.
One of my daughter’s friends who works at Mc D’s keeps the free coffee sticker things. When they stayed with us for 8 months while they got a deposit up for an apartment and moved out, they left about 400 of them behind. I am putting them to good use, giving them out to people wanting change instead of the money lol.
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40 days is a long time. I would be very careful. Six days that is a lot. I do believe in it.
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I have been on a two day right now. Trying to clean out.
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I’ve heard a lot of buzz recently about ketamine treating depression.
IDK man I feel pretty normal the next day. Granted, I kinda hate ketamine (K sucks why do people like it?)
Wooks of OG, did Ketamine cure your depression? I don’t know any sad wooks…so…maybe. Usually they’re pretty upbeat for being impoverished and filthy.
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As I understand it’s not as simple as taking a bump. You go into a clinical setting and they pump you full of the stuff.
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$5 worth of street drug…nay
$0.05 worth of same pharmaceutical drugs we can bill insurance $2000 for…yay
lol “rave therapy”. It’s cheaper and at least you’ll meet some people.
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On that we agree. Lab coat markup. Don’t even get me started on pharmacists. Fuckers.
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Micro dosing lsd is starting to make headway on depression… I on the other hand can’t go that route… I have been through alot , all the way back when I was a small child… babysitter used to beat me… went from there to another babysitter that had a son and him and his friend would act nice until we were alone like in the basement or something… and then they’d kick the shit out of me for being me… growing up I became more and more violent and hateful… I didn’t understand why people had to be so shitty to people… I thought everyone was similar to myself… just a good heart with good intentions… what a rude awakening… got older started fighting alot… I was in love with violence at this point… got jumped by 18 people when I was 16… just because we were in “their” town… then by 18 was kicked out of high school because the principal put hands in me… funny how I got punished not him… got into a bad crowd started getting in trouble by 19 I was a convicted felon… had to go to a 15 month rehab… my mom got cancer while I was there… made it through… my mom died about a year and a half later… started questioning God and if there even was a god although I knew there was from personal experiences that are undeniable… life got worse and worse… went to prison boot camp after being caught with 7 grams of weed… the girl I was with bailed on me…I don’t blame her… but it didn’t help my state of mind… made it out… and tried and tried no one would give me a job for any reason… had a kid with my now wife then she was just someone I loved and adored… lost alot of friends on the way… watched many backs turn… now I’m older and I allowed my kid to go to my cousins because he had a small boy as well and our kids would play together… they became best friends… after months of this she started staying the night… in the end he molested my daughter… was touching her over her clothes… between her legs… it devastated us… especially my daughter… she was only 12!!! So I didn’t kill him… although I wanted to… it took everything inside me not to and rely on law… law failed… they sent him to prison for 3 years… which he ended up doing like 15 months or something along those lines… my daughter has started trying to kill herself… cuts herself … took pills… we sent her to the hospital … well we had to…cops showed up and said her friend was worried about her well being… so that’s how we found out… It’s been a long road of hardship and pain… the world has changed me Into something I don’t want to be… I have to say… I don’t know if I’m depressed… I think I am sometimes… but other times I’m more enraged than depressed… other times I feel like giving up… I try very hard to make things better… but my hands are tied… I can’t find a decent job for anything… I don’t really even want to at this point anyway… I’ll do my own thing… my own way… I’ve found that alot of times it’s all just in your head… we can focus on the bad… or look forward and plan for some good… it’s truly up to us… I still struggle every day with hate rage anger sadness frustration feelings of worthlessness…feelings of suicide. Sinking lower than imaginable… I even used to cry when I would eat food because I knew it was keeping me alive… life is hard! But I will say this… it truly is how you decide to look at it all… I have many things to be grateful for… my wife and kid are a couple of them… this site is starting to be another… I haven’t been around so many decent people in all my life… so now I spent every penny I have trying to create a grow op… 6 months in and I have miserably failed… but… I keep keepin’ on… because to give up means all those bad people and bad things have won… and I refuse to lose anymore!! I hope this helps someone out there … I know I’m not the only 1 hurting and wishing it would stop… PEACE to all of you brothers and sisters in marijuana… when you think you should give up is when you should try your hardest… I know it sounds ridiculous… but it is NOT I assure you…
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That’s terrible. Some very dark things there. People who hurt children have no limits nothing that is “wrong” for them, they are the most dangerous type of people and imo don’t need to breathe.
I promise not everyone is like that. It must be constantly worrying having children to keep safe. Yet if you get a flame thrower and do what’s right you go to prison, what a system.
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woke up today and lost all motivation, sorry everyone if i take a bit to get stuff out to anyone, everything has got too much and im losing my self,
never posted in here before as i like hiding to my self but this just seemed like the thing to do today.
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Sorry to hear man. That is one of the most insidious part of depression IMO. I have let a lot of amazing opportunities pass me by over the years as the world was just to grey and flat to me to get excited about much.
Im doing better now mostly… but I still have days that I just want to lay in bed and curl up. I try to take solace in things that bring me joy with little effort on those days. Reading, listening to music, cuddling with a loved one or dog. Keeping your mind occupied is the best thing if you can manage it. Too much time in front of computer wont help.
Wishing everyone here the best.
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that weights always their, but sometimes it just gets so damn heavy, but can’t stop walking, or else others would have to take that weight who cant, so i just keep on walking, hoping for that light Its their somewhere, somewhere
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Hey Buddy! Hang in there. I know this feeling all too well. Some big bong rips, good tunes, anything to take your mind off things will help. Exercise is crucial for me as well. Get some sun, spend some time in nature. Always feel free to hit me up! 
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So, I went into the doc the other day. Cuz I can’t seem to get anything done, no sex drive at all, and very apathetic. This has been going on for about 5 years. I saw a video from psyched substance (he talks about his various drug experiences) and he had all the same issues. He talked with his doc and found out he has low testosterone. I was seeing a therapist for a bit early on, but it didn’t seem to help. I don’t “feel” depressed. Just apathetic. So the first thing to doc said was meds. But they drew blood anyway. So we will see soon.
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@PlantShepherd I think you nailed it. At least outside works for me. Fresh air, walk in nature and burn one. Let your mind wonder with the animals. This awesome hobby also helps by bad head days. @Chronickyle hang in there. You have peeps here that are going through the same. Your not alone my friend.
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420th post in this thread!
Still having bad dreams.
My only friend just said she wants to talk on the phone less 
She’s the only voice I get to hear.
I’m trying so hard. I don’t have a job. I’m going to be in a place with tall mountains next month and I keep having dreams of flinging myself off head first and getting splattered. It hurts and is scary in the dream I’m not going to do it for real but it’s on my mind constantly.
About a hundred times a day I think of all these people who threw me away. Those words pictures that user Prince puts up here one said something like “One of the hardest things in life is realizing you mean nothing to people who mean a lot to you.” I can’t seem to cope with this and each time I trust someone it’s a mistake.
I have dogs and a cat I’m trying to stay positive for them but when they die I don’t know what my life will be.
EDIT: Also as far as doctors my psychiatrist hasn’t seen me in maybe six months, I have an appointment next month. My therapist dumped me, went to a different profession. Second time this has happened. He sucked anyway just sat there looking at his computer screen and would says something like thats a hell of a thing and not really listen to me.
I can’t just always be by myself. I haven’t had sex in two years I think it’s making me more insane but I don’t feel strong enough mentally to be in a sexual relationship with a woman it’s not fair to her. And none will fuck me. And to clean myself up and put out the effort seems like something I will not do.
The last three or four women I was with were evil conniving users and I don’t have that much trust or money left. I hate it on overgrow there are a few users here “My wife, my wife my wife” every post and they post constantly like I get it you’re married, so happy for you.
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@Dale I feel you man. I have no friends and am alone except for weekends when my 4 y/o son visits and when he leaves to go back by his mom I get so low that I feel like I’ll never see the other side. I’ve been fucked over by women more times than I care to think about, including the mother of my child who started cheating on me while I was busy working a job that I hated just to support her, my kid and our house cause she never worked. I made some bad choices to try to mask the pain I had inside and it alienated me further. She told lies to the community I was involved in and made me look like a horrible person so I got rid of all social media and literally had not a soul to talk to until I found this place. I get it man, life really sucks sometimes but it doesn’t have to be quite so bad. I never believed that the way I looked at things/thought about things could actually change things but it sincerely is true that how you look at things is everything. Things could always get worse so when I feel shitty about everything and feel like checking out I try to look at the things that haven’t happened YET and I thank the universe that I am not as bad off as I could be. I may not have much but if I really look at it I have so much to be grateful for anyway. I try to change my thinking when I get down to look only for the positives cause if I continue to focus on the negative mentally those will be the only things I can see. There is so much beauty and love in this world, you just have to seek it out at times. It doesn’t mean life is all rainbows and hugs and kittens, but I don’t have to make it any worse on myself. When I get really down now I just roll up a fatty and crank some tunes that will take me away to a better place. When I am done things tend to look much better. Anyway man, I’m sorry things are so rough right now but they can and will get better just hang on. And if you ever need to chat feel free to shoot me a pm, if you want I don’t even have to run my mouth with all my brilliant advice 
I can just listen 
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