I feel this…
Last time I had a major loss (though not even comparable) I lost a week of my life.
NO IDEA what happened but I remember it started when the police took me into the hospital under suicide watch and ended with getting burgers with my sister a week later. 
We’re here for you friend and please reach out as you need 
Know exactly what your going through . Just got notified my mom might only have 2 weeks max left to live shes been in the hospital since Friday with a fractured pelvis and at 90 there isn’t much they can do .
Dementia has rapidly increased in the last month due to being locked down for 2 weeks with Covid now they say 6 weeks of staying in bed surgery is not a option at her age.
Hugs @ShiskaberrySavior !
I looked after my gran with alt/dimentia for 1 year and that wasn’t a fun ride at all.
The books are wrong. Grief never lessens, our hearts just grow around it. We adjust. We give it room. It is never easy. Do not feel guilt for what you went through. Do go to grief counseling it does help.
Thanks yes we have a grief councillor contact to use shortly. Peace
Finally slept 6 hrs. in a row…thc level re-couped…I have never been on soo many drugs ever…Started smoking cigarettes in the hospital 'cause they wanted all levels maintained EXCEPT Caffiene and THC , go figure… Patch or smokeless (tampon) filter inhaler??? NOPE, so they started feeding me smokes, another thing to quit…AGAIN!!! grrrrr…The meds are shitty but NO painkiller/opiates to deal with thankfully. My plan is always toe the line on meds until I am ready for scheduled withdrawl that I force upon (agree to) my psyhiatrist. Usually takes a season or so and then we experiment with each one at a time. I’m only on 3 ‘pills’, and did so well 1 is already optional when I left. That to me, in addition that I was in hospital competely voluntarily after 3 days, shows dumbass me is someone who needed a bit of a break instead of a mandatory Order. Hope this doesn’t confuse people…I’m still gaining back shit like muscle memory dialing the phone smoothly has just returned, believe it or not…weird…even weirder, I still call it dialing a phone number…You peeps remember actually dialing??? Thanks, morning mourning therapy, happens in the Cave at my clinic away from home here with my beloved OG family. GOOD MORNING North America…lets hold hands and smoke a joint today??? EH??? Peace folks, thanks for helpin this old sad (and beginning to feel PRIDE again) reptile 
Big hearts to you and the ladies @Cannasaurusrex . This is still so mind-blowing and fresh you are doing SO VERY WELL for someone in your situation.
If I may humbly suggest taking solace in tending to your plants. I’ll often tell my plants about the heavy shit I don’t want to burden down my partner with and well, they always listen. (lol/serious).
As you have been, take care of yourself friend
Realizing that even IF I ‘quit the devils lettuce’. OG is important to me socially, and I am never ready to ‘QUIT’ on my support circles aka family…words have lots of meaning and sometimes NO meaning when it comes to FEELINGS at times like my ‘Family’ is going thru now. It is a surreal nightmare with clips of MY LIFE flashing thru my eyes as the similar scenes (surrounding my many , PAST family members deaths) and questions of days gone by, get transposed into PRESENT conversations. Like the faces changed as the generations fell(and rose), in front of me. Whoa, I’m tripping a bit, better stop for now, just crying with my keyboard, trying to avoid drowning in (what I percieve as self-pity) and crying too much, too soon. AHHHHHHHHHH…OK everyone is stirring here, waking up ALL WOMEN here, from now on. Pick this therapuetic ramble after brekkie and going to get my sons remains this morning. Bye for now…Thanks.
Finally started ‘caring’ for the garden, my apprentice did amazing!!! UK CHEESE is standing tall awaiting hardening off A true Scottish Plant!!! TTYL
OUT OF LIKES!
Stupid Burton cumings song just whipped thru my head @Pigeonman OMG 'Stand Tall" soooo corny but thats what tune popped in my head. I don’t hear voices I here music…a good thing much LOVE bro… Your energy is healing us all too y’know…
Gonna also repeat this: It’s okay and healthy to cry.
I’m so broken 1/2 the time that i can’t cry; so there’s no release. When I do, I do it openly and in my own way proudly because it’s shows I’m a real person and not the monster I think myself to be (my own issues. lol/sob)
I am very sorry for your tragic unexpected loss.
It’s ok to be soft sometimes. You’re crushed,
Man. Let it wash over you. Like the tide, you have no control. Like waves from an edible high, it comes and it goes but it will eventually slow down. Fighting it is impossible. So don’t.
My wife is holding me and reading your responses @Foreigner @Shadey @Pigeonman …we both love y’all Thank you peeps for listening. I will start a post to maybe write poems and such…Don’t want to be a drag BUT some past members have passed on without a sort of OG thread (for grown-ups LOL) where us OGers can pay tribute to the peeps who have left us behind to CARRY THEIR TORCH ??? gotta go gonna short out this shitty keyboard with our tears WE LOVE OG
No problem man, just go with what you feel works for you, to heal at this time. Every one deals with grief differently, its perfectly normal.
LEGEND October 18 1994 - April 28 2022
Decided to shut down the bloomroom after the rest are finished. Put half the girls outside, the rest are hardening off. Gonna blast 27 all outdoors this year, and keep some Moms going. Most are sexed clones of inside run plants, some are seeds. GG4 Strawberry biscotti, Trex and UK Cheese are among the ‘recreational’ plants. So fun in the sun, will give a chance to slow down and clean-up prepping for next fall/winter. The Cave will be the ‘grounds’ this summer…pics next week. Fishing trip dedicated to my son this weekend in Marten River ON with the Clan. Bye for now…
Have fun on your fishing trip man 
Enjoy the water and best of success catching majesty!
