What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A 1/4 pounder w cheese 
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what do women and joints have in common?
if you lick em right they won’t run 
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What’s the difference between a Large Pizza and a musician?
The pizza can feed a family of 4 for a night.
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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss. How bout a gay one…Megasoreass. My apologies…its early.
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A women is in court charged with the murder of her partner, by beating him with his guitar collection.
The judge asks ‘‘first offender?’’
she replies,’‘no your honour, first a Gibson, then a Fender!’’
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Why do the police HATE murder cases in Dundee?
There are no dental records and ALL the DNA matches…
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Last night my kids and i where sitting in the living room and i said…i never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If it ever happens, please just pull the plug.
They got up unplugged my computer and threw out my wine, the little bastards!
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Ha ,ha, ha all them are so funny jokes. Not heard a good one for ages.
Mechelle x
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Holy Sh!t Jimmy Carr can be ruthless!
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lol whos the guy beside him with the eye makeup?
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I don’t know? It looks like all of them are a little bit, doesn’t it?
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the long haired one with the accent sitting beside him on the couch
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I don’t know who he is but i remember him from some where. If i can think of it i will tell you. 
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Its Tim Minchin google his stuff inflatable you is hilarious, must be a concert pianist gone comedian. Great creative abrasive humour.
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Kayne west say slavery was a choice! What a dumbass.
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It was a choice.
Except, it was not a choice made by those who were enslaved!
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A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, ‘What’s your hurry?’
She replied, ‘I’m late for work.’
‘Oh yeah,’ said the cop, ‘what do you do?’
‘I’m a Rectum Stretcher,’ she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?..
‘A Rectum Stretcher!’
‘And just what does a rectum stretcher do?’
‘Well,’ she said, ‘I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet’
‘And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?’ he asked
'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge…
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