A while ago I came up with a meme. It’s red-eyed C3-PO, and the worst post you can find on any given weed forum. I think it’s pretty funny.
(post from grasscity forum)
(post from grasscity forum)
I grow in kind soil and water with spring water from Walmart (.60 a gallon is the cheapest I can find) and you can order online and have them bring it to vehicle is a no brainer (esp being old and disabled) Anyway I order 60 gallons and they bring me 2 carts loaded out to parking lot. I’m loading all this water in the back of my pick up and a passerby makes a comment about how thistty I must be pretty thirsty I responded” Thirsty hell, I finally convince a young lady to join me in my hot tub and my well broke”.
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I found this hilarious. Me and this guy could be best friends.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRjgo6Xf/
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- Did you hear about the stoners that robbed the dispensary? They cased the joint first.
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Copied it .
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This is an old one…
A young sparrow felt rebellious and decided not to fly south for the winter as his.parents asked.
Day after day they attempted.to reason with.him but he refused. Finally fearing the worst they reluctantly started south with the last flock from their neighborhood.
The very next day the young sparrow is sitting on an electric power line that hung over the barnyard and when he went to sleep that night a freezing rain fell. When he awoke he was frozen solid In a sheet of ice and still hanging on the wire. Eventually the weight was.too much and his tiny claws.released the wire and he fell to the ground and was almost immediately covered by a huge mass of steaming bull shit as the family’s bull was walking by and casually took a dump. The shit was putrid and green but very very warm and after a few minutes it began to.melt the ice away.
This made the little.sparrow very happy and he began to struggle to shake the remaining ice off his wings and as he did he broke out into a song.
The farm had an old Tom cat who was always looking for an easy meal and he saw the commotion and heard the bird singing. Quickly he jumped on the little bird and pulled him from the manure.
Just as the little.bird thought his luck had changed the old.cat bit into his neck and killed him and began eating the little.bird.
The moral of this story is simple.
Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
Not everyone who pulls you out of a pile of shit is your friend
And if you are happy in a big pile of steaming shit for God’s sake keep your mouth shut.
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I’m not sure I can translate well
The butcher shouts over the fence to the neighbor
“Hey, I’ve got a cheap beef half if you want it”
“Why the hell would I want it? To falling around my yard?”
A little longer one
Somewhere in Africa, the natives found an emaciated, half-dead missionary. They took him to the village and took care of him… He recovered. He lived on the edge of the village and gradually began to participate in the life of the community. Little by little, he managed to push his ideas, morals… the community began to change…
Years passed and a disturbing event happened. A young and beautiful girl gave birth to a white child.
Everyone got pissed off and started grabbing their spears… But the chief calmed them down and said that they should talk to the missionary first. And so the chief came to him…
-“Listen, he says, we saved you and accepted you… We even started to listen to you and you became respected here. And now a white child is born. Everyone went mad about it… You don’t have to be very smart to understand what is it about.”
-“Oh no, oh no, it’s all wrong… Come on Chief, you’re smarter and you’ll understand.
Do you see those sheep up there?”
-“I see”
-“Do you see how they are all white and only one is black?”
The chief thinks for a while in silence and finally says
“Okay, I’ll keep quiet about the child, and you keep quiet about the sheep”
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Little Johnny got sent home from school for farting in class.
His mom thought she’d fix him, said “you keep that up you’ll fart your guts out.”
Johnny responded with a defiant windy fart.
His mother saved the chicken innards from dinner, snuck into his room later that night and stuffed the chicken parts down the back of Johnny’s underpants.
Next morning, mother heard a particularly loud fart, a giggle, a scream, then silence.
She went upstairs to check on johnny thinking what a creative mother she was just as Johnny was emerging triumphantly from his room.
“You were right mom, I farted my guts out. But thanks to the grace of God and these two fingers, I got em back up in there.”
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Three cowboys were sitting around a campfire, talking about their day and how tough they had to be in their daily life.
The first cowboy talks about how he had to put up a ten mile fence that day, and mentions how a load of wood had fallen off the wagon, straight onto his leg breaking it in four places.
“I just picked up a piece of wood, nailed it to my leg like a splint. Went and finished the fence”
Second cowboy, acknowledging his partners toughness with a nod, explains how he had a bull break out, and while he was attempting to rope him in, the bulls horn caught him in the side causing a horrific gash.
“Well, I cut a strip off my belt to stitch up my side, and got that bull.”
The third cowboy, nodding silently in approval, gets up and stirs the embers of the fire with his penis.
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Difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with boobs?
Ones a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.
I’ve been told I’m funny, but I’m modest about it, and always reply “yes, but looks aren’t everything”
Hey ooooooooo
“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too”
No joke thread is complete without Mr hedberg.
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There’s a guy who does woodworking and swears he can smell a piece of wood and tell what it is and where it came from. So his buddy brings a piece of wood. The guy smells it and says that is Douglas Fir from the great state of Washington. Dam! He’s right.
So he brings another piece the next day. The guy smells it and says That is Blackjack Oak from Oklahoma. Dam! He’s right again.
So the next day he brings a board that his wife sits on, NAKED, while watching him work.
His friend smells it, and says hmmm! I’m having a hard time. He smells again. He says I got it! It the shit house door from a tuna boat.
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Why do French people only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is un œuf.
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Man walks into a bar and orders a 12 year old scotch. The barman, trying to cheap out, gives him 8 year old scotch.
The man takes a sip and says excuse me but this is 8 year old scotch and I ordered a 12 year old.
The barman decides to pull another fast one and gives the man a 10 year old scotch.
Again, the man says this is ten year old not 12 year old scotch.
The bartender finally gives in and hands the man a 12 year old scotch. “Yes, that my man, is a 12 year old scotch.”
A moment later a drunk guy who had been listening from the back comes up to the man and says, “here drink this.”
The man takes a big swig, spits it out and goes, “good god, that’s piss.”
“That’s right, now how old am I?”
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
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One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.”
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, “Can I have some of your cookies?” Little Johnny replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” His grandpa replied, “It most certainly can!” Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself.
I love Little Johnny jokes. 
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Bob, a 65-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde: she proceeds to knock everyone’s socks off with her youthful appeal and charm. She also hangs on Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.
They corner him and ask. “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”
Bob replies. “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”
They’re knocked over, but continue to ask.
“So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”
Bob says: “I lied about my age.”
His friends respond:
“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiles and says:
“No, I told her I was 90.”
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Little Jonny is sat in his back garden, when his grandad comes out.
‘Grandad,I’m Bored’’. says Jonny
‘I’ll tell you what then’ says Grandad. He picks a worm up from the lawn and says to Jonny. 'If you can get this worm back into its worm hole then I’ll give you £10, that should keep you occupied '.
Little Jonny thinks for a while then goes upstairs to his mothers bedroom. He comes back with a can of hair spray. He puts his foot on one end of the worm and stretches it out as far as it will go . Then he sprays the worm with hair spray, waits for a minute then let’s go of the worm ,and it is straight and rigid.
Then Jonny slips the worm into its worm hole.
Grandad is super surprised and gives Jonny £10
The next day Jonny is in the garden again and Grandad comes out and gives Jonny another £10.
'Whats this for Grandad? ‘
'Thats from your grandma ’ replies Grandad.’
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