I'm disabled and made friends that helped me see the better side of cannabis culture

Smoker's Lounge
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Things have been rough… really rough for me. I don’t need pity. I’m finally willing to admit I need help, more than a doctor or medicine can provide.

I’m disabled and unable to work, but also no income because I’m 1 1/2 years into the disability insurance process (some people wait several years). It started a few years ago when I was smoking some bud I grew and I ended up having a seizure, with convulsions and severe mental pain like I was being electrocuted for a couple hours. Ever since, smoking even a small amount of THC-dominant weed does the same thing. Sometimes even CBD-dominant weed has enough THC in it to do it. I have to be very careful with what I smoke. To make matters worse, the few times I’ve had a seizure from smoking made it so I also get them randomly even when not smoking now, especially when I move around a lot. For that reason, I stay in bed 99% of the time. Car rides are the biggest trigger for me, but even going outside in my backyard to take care of my plants in the summer has triggered it more times than I can count. I lost consciousness a few times, broke a few fingers from convulsing, and have been in and out of some very scary hospital visits from it. Basically, I can’t do shit anymore that doesn’t involve laying in bed on my computer, and taking care of my plants in the other room in short bursts. I’ve been to about a dozen doctors, and even more medication. Had EEG, MRI, the works. Nobody knows anything. They just keep guessing with different medicines, that do nothing other than make me sleep a bunch.

I’m also extremely depressed from not being able to do anything ever, and… other reasons. I mean, I’m happy when I have something to do, like growing plants, but I only really do that kind of work for less than an hour per day. Most of the time I sit on my computer in my bed, staring at the screen, wishing I had the motivation to do something, or have a friend to talk to. Yeah, I have no real life friends. I moved a while ago, and the few I made here I lost contact with when my disability prevented me from leaving my house.

I’m also depressed because I was a computer programmer for nearly 20 years, but about a year ago, a former real life friend of mine ran off with a 10 year old project of mine and pushed it off as their own, and I have no way to prove it. Something I was working on for a long time that was eventually going to be how I provided for me and my family. So yeah, wasted a good deal of my life on that.

Ever since that happened a year ago, I just stopped programming, and stopped doing much of anything except growing weed. I just sit here and stare at nothing most of the time. I’m finally ready to admit that I need help. I can’t snap out of it. It’d be nice if I had a friend to talk to offline or something that shares a common interest, but I’m socially awkward.

I recently started breeding to try something slightly different, and it’s fun, but my small space doesn’t allow me that much time (only 3 small tents, and I do 30-45 minutes of work at the end of the day when the lights come on). Luckily I have free electricity and housing for me and my family. My wife works and pays for the groceries because I’m lucky if I can sell $20 a month worth of odds and ends. I also can’t even stay awake for more than 2-4 hours on the medication I’m on, so I can’t even work remotely.

So yeah, that’s where I am. I need medical help, a friend, and money, and things only seem to be getting worse.

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Tough situation for sure! I am always around if you want to chat. Very hard to get motivated when down but i try to focus on the little things and make little improvements that add up. Hit me up anytime

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I’m really sorry for everything you’ve got going on my friend. I don’t have any magic words to make any of it better, but I think you’ve made a great decision in continuing to hang out here - friends here are better than some in person by far.

If you can bring yourself to do the programming thing again, I think there are a number of side gig type websites that maybe you could work around your waking hours, like fiverr and freelancer.

I really hope you can find some solutions with your health my friend, and remember we are all here to keep you company when you need it! :love_you_gesture::green_heart:

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Physical issues aside, depression is a beast to deal with bud. You matter and you are not alone. If you ever feel you need to chat, I am always just a PM away. Hang in there man, it’s going to be ok. :v:

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My condition is different but i know the deal. I can keep you busy if any. Shoot me a message.

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Hang in there buddy. I know what it’s like to go through depression. I, like you, have no real good offline friends. I used to suffer from major anxiety. Social anxiety. Luckily I found something that worked for me. Paxil was a lifesaver for me.
If you ever wanna chat, just dm me.

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Forget the past and deal with the now and what you want your future to be. The past can’t be changed but
everything from here on out can be. But it is up to you to make that happen and no one can do that for you.
Yes medical challenges can be rough but the correct attitude and mindset can make miracles happen. Believe in yourself and that you are worth that change and anything is possible. If you are good at programming get back on the bike and ride it until the wheels fall off.
Peace to you and yours………

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Hey, i didn’t read the entire article but it seems like we are similar and I could use someone to talk to also about anything at all and I love to talk about growing old times scary encounters or music . Shit like that is helpful and if you enjoy any of these things and want to talk share pics of growing plants or just need a realistic point of view … hit me up @Strainger

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Hey mate sorry to hear about your struggles, i can very much empathise, I’m also disabled and suffer with seizures & depression but i have tried to have an attitude of gratitude, no matter what we always have to look on the bright side and try and stay positive, you’ve taken a brave step in talking about it and that’s a very courageous step, you should feel proud and if you ever need a chat I’m here if you need. I really hope you get some improvement with your symptoms and try to focus on that time you get in the garden and enjoy every moment. Thinking of you mate

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Sorry to hear you’re having a rough go of it. What kind of things do you like to do to pass time? Any TV series or games your into? You play any instruments?

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Hey @resimax I am so, so sorry that this is the situation for you right now. Health issues & mental health issues are things that I’ve been dealing with myself. It’s easy for the physical and mental aspects to feed off of one another for me. My mood has been all over the place for over a year. Some days I’ve had migraines or other nerve issues that end up being so debilitating I can’t do anything except lie there in pain.

FWIW, I am happy that you are here with us at OG. Recognizing when help is needed is just the first step, and reaching out to let others know of the stuff goes is another step towards healing. None of us can get through everything alone. And may I just say, as someone who constantly keeps things bottled up inside - I applaud you for making the difficult, sometimes impossible decision to ask for help. :people_hugging:

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Are you growing anything other than weed. Plants heal.

Peace

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What kind of peppers do you grow? What varieties of lettuce? I love growing food. Growing food is something that is very meaningful to me and gives me purpose. I love being able to provide healthy food for myself, my family, and my community. Sorry to hear you’re going through a rough spot, but glad you’re reaching out and trying to work through it.

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Scotch bonnets are my favorite. Last time I had my own garden, I grew like 6 different varieties. Peppers are one of my favorite things to grow. I used to grow a bunch indoors during the winter. It always me helped with seasonal depression.

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No worries. I hopefully will have some really unique peppers to grow this year. Out at the farm we grow habañeros and heatless habañeros so thats close enough to a scotch bonnet for me.

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Yeah that will last you for awhile or it should

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I had a thought @resimax, would a cannabis topical ointment be of any use to you? There are different lotions & salves & such that can made with THC, CBD, etc. A good homemade balm works wonders for my joints and muscles. There have even been times I’ve prevented oncoming migraines from using the balm (relief from muscle/nerve pains that add up & contribute to some of my migraines, does not always work yet it’s like a miracle when anything helps any tiny bit).

There are also people who enjoy juicing the plant raw for specific anti-inflammatory benefits without getting any psychoactive effects. That could be something to look into or try?

Also seen at least one OGer talk about using binaural beats for a family member. Idk much about that though

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I will say though. Lettuce is the easiest vegetable I ever grew. I neglected them with too little water a bunch of times, overwatered them even more, and even got really hot due to a heater malfunction a few times. Those things just kept on chugging.

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Ooo habenadas! Love the flavor of habañeros but am not always in the mood for their heat. Got a few varieties of pepper seeds I’d like to try this year. They’ll be my first pepper plants.

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I can’t do any THC really at all. Even some type 3 chemovars, my high sensitivity to it gives me seizures. I’d rather smoke the type 3’s that work. Too scared to eat CBD gummies even. That would likely kill me if it had some THC in it after metabolized in my liver.

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