Ok so I’m in a really shitty situation. And I am anything but happy right now. I don’t know if this is ok to post this here but I need to get it out there. I guess I’m looking for empathy and/or advice. I just feel utterly lost. Here’s the situation.
A good friend of mine came home from the military briefly before he gets shipped out again. So I threw him a party like I done every time he comes home. We have a great mutual friend we will call Bert. I consider Bert my best friend. He always looks out for me and is honest. He’s one of the few people I actually know trust is a good person with my whole heart.
He brings his wife to meet our mutual friend because they have never met and he and Bert grew up together. Well Bert leaves and his wife stays. We all drink way too much I go to bed at 430am and wake up for work the next morning and find Berts wife in bed with my other best friend(my daughters god father) we will call him rick.
I’m so disgusted and upset. I’m telling him this afternoon what I saw. I potentialy loose two friends here. I don’t want to speak to Rick again for putting me in this situation and I’m scared of loosing the only friend I ever felt like I could trust. To not say anything would be a betrayal of his trust and friendship which I’ve learned to value dearly after loosing many loved ones in my life. It would be hypocritical of me to keep this to myself when I would entrust in him to deliver me the same bad news.
But my feelings aren’t whats important in this situation. At the risk of loosing two of the few people in my personal life I call friends I’m choosing to do what is supposedly the right thing even though i fear the worst. What I loose or gain from this isn’t what’s important, I’m only the messenger and sometimes the messenger gets shot.
If it was anyone else I would mind my business. But I could never look him in the eye again and keep this to myself.
Is my clean conscience worth potentially ruining a marriage and two friendships? Why did I have to be raised right? I envy people who just don’t care about others. I wish some days I could kill my conscience and be blissfully ignorant of other people’s feelings.
YOU didn’t do a GAWDDAMN thing. I don’t care if it was your party, your booze, even your bed, YOU didn’t put them on top of one another. Those are two grown ass people responsible for theior own grown ass decisions.
My advice, try not to hold it against either party because again, it’s not YOUR problem so to speak. You’re gonna feel how you’re gonna feel though, and if you’re mad then you have every right to be.
Classic rick shit. Sorry for your stress. Silly question but were they sleeping? I mean was there limited sleep space? Do you know if they have an open marriage? Gotta be clear b4 talking to your buddy. Good luck.
I’d be FUCKING PISSED if I found out my wife shared a bed with a guy at a party saying “there was nowhere to sleep”, even if nothing did actually happen. OH MY BAD, did the floor stop exisiting overnight? Damn that must’ve been strange
I don’t know man. There’s no way of knowing if she does that kind of thing often or not. I would just pretend you didn’t see it and move on. Life is too short to bring other peoples drama into your space. It’s hard enough dealing with our own shit. Good luck brother!
You are looking at this wrong IMO. YOU did not do anything. Being honest and truthful is a must if one is going to be a decent human being. As a married man I would want to know such things. If I were in your position, I would feel like I am betraying my friend by not telling him. Just my thinking on it. Sorry to hear you got stuck in the situation man but you did so now you must deal with it. In the end, how you do that is all up to you. Good luck either way bud.
oof that’s movie stuff.
IF you think it’s going to be in your mind, you gotta put it out. But yeah, maybe your approach should consider that they might have some sorta open marriage stuff, so maybe you can say you’re cool with it, lol.
I wouldn’t say you’re gonna lose the one who’s been cheated on if you tell it, he might be grateful and even need you to recover from it, if he’s not cool with the arrangement, I mean.
Now you gotta tell us the result, if you do tell him.
Ok so I spared some details because I was mostly just venting here. But they are NOT in an open relationship. Bert would NOT be cool with this in any form as far as I know.
there were plenty of spots to sleep. Blankets and pillows were around. Rick is comfortable enough in our home that he had no reason to not find another spot to sleep. I’ve seen him sleep on concrete without complaint. There wasn’t a single exceptable reason he should have climbed I to bed with a married women. He is also in a committed relationship with a woman who adores him.
Well I say all parties deserve to know. In the end, it would be best for all involved. Sucks that you have to be the one to bring it out if you decide to go that route.
It’s not entirely how I’m looking at it but it’s what I have at stake here. I could live with myself loosing my best friend knowing I did what was right. But the termoil it can cause will always be on my conscience. Even if it was the right thing. It’s the trolley delema prosinified through infidelity.
Be upfront with all of them. Tell your one buddy he’s a scumbag and you don’t want to ever see him again and let your married buddy know what happened. Not sure why you’d lose him as a friend as well for being honest with him. If it’s an open marriage, he’ll let you know and at least you were honest with him. Don’t let other people’s bullshit get you worked up.
I don’t know his wife well enough to make a judgment. They always seemed happy together. I know he loves her with all his heart. I know she has a history of staying out late but this doesn’t seem like her MO. But I don’t hav any reason to trust her, I don’t know her well enough
I literally just sent him a well thought out text. I wanted to tell him face to face. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my composure and say what I needed to in person. I feel cowardly for doing so but I feared misrepresenting the situation if I told him face to face. I’m waiting for any response
I really should have. I panicked though. I freaked out and shut the door. This all happened on Tuesday morning. I haven’t really slept since. I should have called him and told him and let him show up and see for himself. Now I’m worried how she may spin it against me or my wife.
You did the right thing telling him. By not saying anything you risk losing your friend forever if he found out through someone else or another instance happens
That’s what I meant when I said you were looking at it wrong man. While I understand your feeling that you will have guilt for any trouble caused, the reality is, you won’t have been the one to have caused it. I understand your dilemma but it makes me think of this quote. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” That’s just my way of looking at it though and I am doing so from the outside so take my opinion as such. The fact that it bothers you so shows you are a good person.
Dude you’re screwed whatever you do. It’s a shitty situation to have to be in. Probably going to lose at least one friend over this. But you can always hang out with other friends and move on. Just another reminder that sometimes you get punished for doing the right thing. Just have to figure it’s probably better off in the long run somehow.
The whole thing just sucks. I throw a party for a friend I only see every 3-5 years then My only other two friends are now entangled by this. I fear I’ll be without any friends by the end of this.
