“You can’t kiss your friends when they are pooping.”
Good advice for anyone really.
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“Your breath smells like shit dog.”
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I like to tell my cat that’s fixed but seemingly in perpetual heat that nothing in the house is gonna bang her so stop yowling and rubbing on stuff… or when I fuck up I blame them and ask why they didn’t tell me I was doing it wrong lol
I need some friends hahaha
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hawsamybittybabylulu
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“I do all the rubbing up on stuff in this house”
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“Who’s a goose?”
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I called all of them jelly belly when they are puppies…now that they are 3+yrs. old I still call them jelly belly once in a while or Knuckle Heads.
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“Who’s a reasonably adequate dog under the circumstances?”
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I tell mine she doesn’t have to put out the red light.
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I call my pup Numbnutz, Dipshit and Dumbass, and he seems to answer to all three…
This poor pup is forever being blamed for someone ripping ass (and oddly enough, he’s not a gassy dog)…
Otherwise I have full blown conversations with him. He doesn’t answer which I think is rude, but he listens really well…
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My dog hates to leave my side …when I go to work he watches for me all day …
Now unfortunately I am unemployed and he thinks it’s the best thing ever that I’m home all day with him we can go outside and do activities this and that
I always ask him when he’s going to do his part and pay at least some of the bills or do some house chores
Then I proceeded to act how I think he would sound if he was a human and say ain’t my loving enough
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“Who’s my shnoobie-snooba dooba da dee boo bop sniggly-snoo walla walla ding-dong whoha mcwhat?what? snarglebubs figgly bashwee koppa shnoop!?”
Usually at by the time i get to “da dee boo bop” she’s already stomping her front paws back and forth and making whiny dog noises while staring at me with an ever increasing "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?! look on her face.
And then she gets the MEGA CUDDLES.
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“Stop licking my couch Buddy. I know it used to be a cow, but c’mon.”
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“Get out of that seat Celia, you can’t drive and even if you could you’re only long enough to push the pedals OR steer.”
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“STOP IT WITH THE LASERS!!!”
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“move you dumb stupid idiot”
He’s like 4’ long and loves to block entryways, doors, hallways. Just stands there with a blank expression like the simpleton he is. Loves to cut you off on walks blocking an entire sidewalk. Looks aghast and offended if you run into him.
He was bred for speed, not intelligence. Not even smart enough to do “bad” things. Dumb dumb sleepy bastard. They’re easy to train because they are so scared of everything, if you raise your voice once, that’s enough. We had to yell at him like 3 times to housebreak him. That’s literally it. But you also can’t yell around him, he gets sad. If me and the wife ever get mad at each other we have to proceed quietly lest we upset the dog lol.
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Greyhounds are amazing and graceful lumps of love. 
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I love them. My friends complain about the shit their dogs do and I’m like “uhhhh mine mostly sleeps” lol.
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until they run and good luck catching that!!! 
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Dude dogs and laser combo is fucked
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