I’ll start.
I was plunging a drain clean out that I didn’t realize was clogged at both ends (one end collapsed the other check valve).
After multiple pushes with the special plunger on a long stick I pulled it out, heard a rumble, and had a huge geyser of shit spew forth and rain down on my head.
A huge geyser. I like to think it was just my shit. Nope. Shit from many people.
Think you can do worse? Doesn’t have to be shit related but it probably helps.
working on a turkey breeding farm in israel and being the guy that collects the sperm (the other guy wanks the turkey) in a glass beaker with a straw, tastes like peanut butter if you accidentally get it in your mouth
But do you still eat peanut butter?
Hahaha good god man.
For once I hope they are well paid wankers. Are Turkeys that choosey about partners or is it just some weird kink thing I’ve never heard of before 
I know many well paid wankers but I know what you mean.
Buddy of mine used to come over to my house to lift weights/work out. We used to have the setup in my enclosed patio. It was summer time and over 100 degrees, so when we were working out I plugged a fan into an outlet. Unplugged something to plug the fan in.
Turns out I accidently unplugged my buddy’s chest freezer that had about 200 lbs of elk meat in it. Didn’t notice it until it had been in there a little over a week. Worst thing I’ve ever smelled. Luckily I had my issued gas mask from reserves or I don’t know how I could have emptied that freezer by hand into the trash.
Yuck. I would have just moved it to the curb and written a sign that said free/works.
Cum to think about it, our current prime minister (an odious wanker) does, from a certain angle, resemble a turkey being wanked
Yes but who is manning the tube?
I lived for almost a year in an illegal SRO in Brooklyn after getting dumped by my partner and kicked out (I was a raging alcoholic, cheating, definitely deserved it). I was in a first floor room sharing a kitchen (the only shared space) with three other people, one of whom was the guy in the middle bedroom of this former railroad apt, his room was windowless and in the middle, and he had three cats that lived in there and all over the kitchen. It was revolting how dirty everything was since he smoked bongs at the kitchen table and ashed everywhere, and overfed the cats with so much wet food they’d never even finish half. So what happened to the rest? He’d wash it down the drain with just water, no soap, no dissolving the wet food. If you know plumbing you know what comes next…
One day I was home alone in the late afternoon while everyone else was out at work, and I walked into the kitchen to see the sink filling rapidly from the drain with murky, sudsy grey water. Within ten seconds it was a literal geyser shooting out of the drain. That’s right, he created a fat plug in the building’s waste removal pipe to the sewer. Our third floor neighbors, a family with small kids, gave them a bubble bath before dinner and pulled the plug, and that day was the one that the plug finally jammed. Meaning that a three-story column of dirty bath water bounced off the plug and found the closest relief valve- my sink. Now, some of you might say “but that’s what a backflow preventer is for” and you’d be right, but we sure didn’t have any of those. Three inches of cat food and bubble bath water everywhere…I moved out two months later and kept my rent from the day that happened onward. Was easier because my landlord had a pill problem and his family took over the building management without warning so I just kept refusing to pay them my cash rent since I had made the rental agreement with him, and he just disappeared without a word so why would I owe them?
Yeah, I wouldn’t be paying rent either.
I remember tripping on acid in Transkei when i saw a glowing thing on the ground that was pulsating energy i didn’t know what it was so i touched with my foot and it was warm and very pleasant so i put my foot deeper into it it felt like i was absorbing that energy. My friends told me it was cowshit
Well here goes everything… I’ve had a lot of nasty shit happen but the thing that popped in my head first was drinking my own pee like I’m Bear fucking Grylls.
I have an hour long drive to and from work, every single fucking day of the week and even some weekends. In the morning first thing I do is make coffee. So by the time I’m driving if I have to pee at all it’s basically coming out by the time I make it to work. So I do trucker shit and pee in bottles occasionally. I also get high for that entire drive to and from work… And one day I forgot I’d peed in a bottle and had just the worst cotton mouth…
I spit MY pee all over my car. And still had to go to work, thankfully they provide uniforms without pee on them… As far as I know
In your defense that’s how they invented Mountain Dew Arctic Blast. Yuck.
Not anymore…
I took a shit upstairs after drinking a growler of dark coffee beer. Then went down stairs to join the circle in the garage. Well 20 minutes late the roof busted open and drenched three of us in liquid diarrhea. It even fell into my gfs mouth as she looked up in awe lmao. That was fucking disgusting. I plugged that toilet to the extent of the roof having to be replaced. Never heard anything again from those people.
Back about 10 years ago, I was living in a glorified squat, where the landlord had died and there was no next of kin, so we were kind of flying under the radar. I was going through a phase where I would party all weekend and do all kinds of blow, and then hibernate from Sunday night to Wednesday essentially. I lived with this hippie girl, who used to take hours long baths in our single bathroom, and one day I woke up especially hungover and had to shit. She was in the bathroom, and there was no way I was going to make it to the local coffee place to shit. So i grabbed a garbage bag and decided to shit in it, and then take it out to the garbage can immediately lololol. Not the soundest of mind, I managed to miss the bag for the most part, and get shit all over my floor and my hands. My whole apartment smelled like rancid shit, and I had to go rinse shit down the drain in the kitchen, and air out our apartment in the middle of January lol.
Not the grossest but I hate when my dick gets folded into my scrotum in the middle of the night and I don’t notice until I have to pee and it shoots everywhere like a lawn sprinkler. Legs, floor, everywhere.
Note: I have a giant scrotum.