If you’re going to be dumb you got to be tough.
Preferably spelled “your” for comic effect. Probably going to be on my tombstone.
3 Likes
Not sayings, but rather some quotes I like.
On food -
“McDonald’s “Breakfast for Under a Dollar,” actually costs much more. You have to factor in the cost of coronary bypass surgery.” George Carlin
“If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave.” Lori Dowdy
“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” Calvin Trillin
“I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.” George Burns
“I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don’t require as much cooking.” Carrie Snow
“There’s the vegetarian Hot Pockets for those of us who don’t want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.” Jim Gaffigan
“You’ve probably noticed that modern supermarket tomatoes are inedible. This is because they
are not bred for human consumption. They’re bred to be shipped long distances via truck, which requires that they have the same juicy tenderness as croquet balls. Even as you read these words, top vegetable scientists are field-testing the Tomato of Tomorrow, which can withstand direct mortar fire and cannot be penetrated by any known kitchen implement except the Veg-o-Matic Home Laser Slicer (Not sold in Stores).” Dave Barry
3 Likes
“Blake said that the body was the soul’s prison unless the five senses are fully developed and open. He considered the senses the ‘windows of the soul.’ When sex involves all the senses intensely, it can be like a mystical experience.” — Jim Morrison
“May we keep in mind that our destiny is not for sale” - Paulo Coelho
1 Like
If you sprinkle while you tinkle
Be a sweetie and whipe the seaty
5 Likes
Put the seat down and the wife won’t beat you brown.
2 Likes
“I have little feet because nothing grows in the shade.” – Dolly Parton
6 Likes
Lmao love it
1 Like
That is about as Fucked up as a Football Bat………Drill Sgt Butler.
2 Likes
Like a sore dick …Can’t beat it
2 Likes
Spot me a few duckets.
1 Like
Like my ol man said befor he left this shitty world.
“it’s better to be dead and cool. Then alive and uncool”
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man!
2 Likes
Stop this cockamamie shit now.
3 Likes
“If you can’t laugh at yourself… make fun of other people!”
8 Likes
Kill two birds with one stone. Feed the homeless to the hungry. Ray bradbury
5 Likes
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.
10 Likes
The problem started before I was handed the problem Cap’n jack, lol
2 Likes
But, if you can’t change the man, change the man : somebody somebody
2 Likes
“I find theses things have a way of working out. I’m gonna let the liquor do the thinking.” Rest in power John Dunsworth. 
3 Likes
One of my TV heroes, in private life he was such a humble person too according to everyone
3 Likes