“I can’t be the only one to notice that you got a fat lady in charge of keeping track of the rations, can I ?”
3 Likes
“If you feel like GOD is ignoring you, your probably right”
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Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.
Sylvester Stallone, Rocky
2 Likes
You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
I bet you could hide your own Easter eggs.
You’re not the dumbest one in this house but you better hope nobody lets the dog outside.
I cut it twice and it’s still too short.
6 Likes
Look at the buck teeth on that girl. I bet she could eat the inside of a watermelon and never touch the rind.
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Barking up a dead horse’s ass
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No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom I have not repaid in full. - Sulla 78 BC
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When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
(sadly this will never happen)
The Terminator: It’s in your nature to destroy yourselves. John Connor: Yeah.
“I just popped your skull so hard your eyeball popped out, and that shit is gross.”
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"Im going crazy and you are driving "
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Found em, they were in the last place I looked
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Damn boy, you look like you survived an abortion
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His breath smells like he just won first prize in a shit eating contest.
“When hell is full, the dead will walk the earth.” -rotten.com
"Why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it "
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I might have been born yesterday, but I stayed up all night.
Are you winding me up? Well, you gave me the key.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go home and have a heart attack.
“The people you see when you haven’t got a gun” is a greeting I use too often (apparently) 
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“Go fuck yourself.” It’s simple, sweet and direct. Always say it with a smile. 
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The only thing worse than getting old is the alternative…
1 Like