Did I go to the safest school or what? I don’t know if anyone else knew this but, you could open the lockers from the inside… just open the mechanism from the back. Maybe ours were ridiculously easy. I discovered this just by observation; but I did maybe see if my smaller friends could figure it out a different way.
Male Friends; they’re actually kind of the worst when you think about it.
Damn you Devin Gonzalez… 
At least these were a full sized locker, but there was no mechanism, just two tabs with a hole. At least they just shoved a pen through the hole and not a lock. Thinking back on it, I’m sure the coach let me sweat it out for a while too.
That geeky kid who can’t climb the rope and cries all the time. Yeah, that was me. But guess what, in the end that geeky kid got a high tech job. 
I think it says in the bible that the geeks will inherit the earth.
I had a 3rd grade feud with a guy named Michael Laing. Son of a bitch.
This pretty well sums it up…
Can’t think of one per se but a few come to mind
Getting yelled at in public by parents/girlfriend
Parents showing up at school.
Got invited to a club by a coworker (I don’t like clubs, never did) and when I finally got there they turned off the phone and ignored my ass so I went home.
Showing up to your shift at work to realize they just fired half the staff and they never let me know until I showed up for my next shift. When I got in I looked at the schedule and I was no longer on it (I was the night before lol) so they asked for my keys/card and then I fucked off home. I was young and didn’t realize at the time that they couldn’t do that but by the time I knew my rights it was way too late.
When I was a young kid in the mid 90s I found some paracord in the basement (dad was military) and was outside playing with it, tying it to random things. There was this path that went through a large park with a large chain link fence on both sides. I tied the paracord from one end of the fence to the other and went and did something else in the park. Then I noticed some toddler and his mom walking though the path. I guess the kid didn’t see the paracord while he was clumsily running and he got clotheslined right in the neck and fell and started crying like a mofo and I just sprinted the fuck outta there (I was about 6 at the time) 
Pretty much any time I’m with or near someone who gets pissy/causes a scene at a fast food/restaurant when an order is messed up I cringe so hard. Or when people are in long lines for cash register and talking shit about the cashier while they can hear them. I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for half my life so I really cant stand it when grown adults act like monkeys over an order being messed up or things going wrong. Especially when it’s someone I’m with and I’m as asshole by ass-ociation. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat service staff.
When someone whispers to me talking about someone else who is still close by thinking that people can’t hear shit.
Not exactly a moment but if I ever read old posts that I made years ago I also cringe really badly and wanna smack the shit outta myself but I guess that’s growth
Being around people having debates about sex/politics/religion/ethics in public. Happened at thanksgiving at a buddies this year and I just fucked off and started shooting hoops in their net. When I finished like an hour later and they were still at it so I just went home.
One time as a 10 year old I was at a restaurant with a friend and his family and when the waiter asked what I wanted I asked for a shirley temple and the stepdad (who was prob drunk lol) started ripping into me what a little girl/baby shiiiiiiiirly temple blah blah. Funny he must have been insecure as fuck talking to a ten year old like that. I felt bad about it for a long time then I realized I can order/enjoy what the fuck I want lol. Hmm maybe I’ll order one next time I go out see if I get any looks
My uncle use to get all the boxing pay per view fights back in the 90’s- early 2000’s. There was a bunch of people over there for maybe Tyson v Holyfield I think it was. I see an open seat, an antique looking dining chair is what it looked like. I go to sit down and this f*cking thing disintegrates and before I know it I’m just sitting on the floor on a pile of sticks. This was the most hilarious thing anyone had ever seen it seemed. Another one…I was taking a micro bio class that was packed with nursing students. I might have been the only male (didn’t mind that at all). So I’m wearing a wool sweater and apparently when I reached near the bunson burner my sweater caught fire. I didn’t know but I see my lab partners eyes just get real wide and I look down to see the flames jumping around my sweater as each individual sweater booger goes up in flames. I jump up and start patting myself and dancing around. A few seconds of that and I just rip the sweater off and throw it on the ground. I look up and the ENTIRE CLASS has frozen in time as they stare silently at me. As soon as I look up to see this the most uproarious laughter erupts. I’m pretty sure I saw tears and a few people couldn’t compose themselves for the remainder of class. I was beet red.
Same. Half of my stuff stays gold and the other half is like “wtf man?”.
I had to have all my teeth removed last year! Medications, dry mouth and bad genetics and it just made more sense to opt for no teeth and dentures then teeth and huge dental bills annually. I’m only 45. 
It’s been a real head trip considering we operate within a world that values the “face” above all else.
Thankfully Covid has masked 
us all up, however; eventually we will all be back to the standard “normal”, and I have to say I’m NOT looking forward to reintegrating into society ever, so to speak.
My relationship with food has changed, on top of the relationship I had with my own face! Needless to say, as time is passing and I have been healing…everyday has become a bit less embarrassing. 
For those with a prince albert will understand,
Going to a party and peeing in a bush but forgetting the twist that keeps the sec hole from dispersing the majority of pee all over the leg / crotch due to the fact that the piercing hole is before your original pee hole.
So now your standing there with drenched piss pants.
Lol! Omg. Be careful, don’t get that piercing snagged on anything… That would definitely be life changing lol
Its been there 32 yrs lol chipped teeth
Caught on the orange string in Levi’s, those are the strongest sting in any pants lol.
Had chick pull it an your like wtf
I feel like you think you’re addressing a larger audience than you are when you say “for those with a Prince Albert” 
It came off so casual too like you could have said “for those of you who’ve ridden a rollercoaster before”.
In the Town I grow up in its not uncommon.
Shit the sec one i did myself with a Bobby pin
Lol.
In the town maybe not but the town itself sounds pretty uncommon if Prince Alberts are standard issue 
In this town you get it done when you get your license or you’re NOBODY!!!
I also don’t think I could ever understand the urge to go near my wangdoodle with a bobbypin 
Oh an when the xray tech dude did a CT scan an cam back an said does it hit the bottom 
I had no idea what he was talking about then he said the anchor lol.
That also was uncomfortable