Yeah, I hate that whole “Xanax is the only thing that’ll work” thing. But really, most of the time, Xanax (or klonopin etc) is the only thing that works. Which sucks. However, I’d say purging the pharmaceuticals is more important than purging the THC. If you’re gonna purge one thing, purge the pills.
One thing I noticed, a few years ago, I started eating Xanax as prescribed, once in the morning and once at night. I usually just waited to eat one until I was actually having a panic attack, which could be several days, but I was having them so frequently at that time that I just ate one in the morning, one at night, before I even had one. But sometimes I’d forget to eat a pill, like if I woke up in the morning feeling fine, it didn’t even occur to me to eat a Xanax. So I wouldn’t. But then, a few hours later, I’d have a panic attack. It became obvious, after a few weeks of this, that NOT eating Xanax was inducing panic attacks. I think I got addicted to them, even though I wasn’t abusing them.
The pharmaceutical industry is the biggest con out there.
Anyway, once I realized what was happening, I just cold-turkey stopped eating them. Only slept three hours the first night. The second night, I didn’t sleep at all. And I felt like I was having a panic attack non-stop, for hours and hours, my heart was pounding and I couldn’t breathe, but I just rode that shit out. The third night, I was saying to my girlfriend,”This is crazy, I haven’t slept in forty hours…” but I was feeling a little better. Took a shower, got in bed and five minutes later I had a seizure. Almost to the minute, exactly 72 hours after I’d eaten my last Xanax. I don’t remember most of the seizure. The very beginning, I felt it coming on, my throat was vibrating (this all happened in like two seconds) and I knew immediately something was really wrong. Sat up in bed, grabbed my throat and tried to tell my girl,”Call 911,” but it just came out,”Ca-ca-ca-ca!” I couldn’t get it out.
My girl told me I fell out of the bed and was twitching and shit on the ground, all seized up. I don’t remember any of it except the very beginning and then when the paramedics got me in the ambulance and took me to the hospital, which was about fifteen minutes after the seizure happened, according to my GF. Scary shit. I haven’t eaten a pill since. I just deal with the panic attacks, wait it out, try to breathe, sweat for a couple hours, feeling like I’m dying. Exercise. Eat steamed broccoli and chicken for lunch haha. Oatmeal in the morning. I dunno.
I’ve found that the healthier I’m living, the easier it is to deal with the panic attacks. Because it’s all in my mind, kind of. I mean, the inability to breathe and the pounding heart and shit, that’s real, but if I’ve been living healthy, it makes it easier to go,”Dude, you’ve been working out every day, you’ve been eating ridiculously healthy, you’re not dying.” and I believe it. That fucking mantra… “You’re not dying.”
I agree with you re: meditation. It hasn’t helped me at all. In fact, it makes me focus on my heart, which is the last thing I need to be doing when I have a panic attack.
I make RSO, then put it into capsules, and take my main meds that way. Makes for more consistent dosing. Green Dragon drops under the tongue is the fastest way I know to get the stuff into your system, but it tastes like crap and tends to burn my mouth. That 90 proof stuff is a bit much for me.
