Dammmnn heās even got the collar flap!
thatās one dapper giraffe
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You need the friendly domesticated type:
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Would look nicer in pink and tied on the tail right next to the dookie chute.
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Do you want to get up close and personal to tie it there? Me eitherā¦
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Heās probably worn out from doing it all day already, but worth a shot.
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I canāt. Iām morally obligated to hit it and it couldnāt handle it. Iāll explain, and no this isnāt something Iām making up right now and is 100% true. I have been talking about punching a giraffe for over a decade now, at length. I donāt actually want to hurt one Iāve just never heard of a dude punching a giraffe before and I kind of want to be that guy. I imagine Iād break my hand and it wouldnāt really even hurt him, which is good cause Iām an asshole for doing it and deserve the broken hand and like I said itās not about hurting it.
I was passing a petting zoo in south Jersey once and they advertised on the sign that they had giraffes but also cats for adoption so my ex had a reason to be there that wasnāt giraffe punching research. We went in and I said Iād like to ask them some questions about giraffes and my ex made a beeline for the cats. I asked some questions about how thick their skulls were and they said pretty thick and that they actually had one but it had just gone into storage. I then asked how trusting they were and what they liked to eat while my ex was trying not to let them see her losing it laughing over to the side. I finally said that I had a friend that wanted to punch a giraffe for some reason and the lady said āoh my God who would want to do that to such a majestic animal?ā and Iām watching my ex bury her head in her hands laughing. I was like āyeah heās a real weird guy, Iām just trying to find out some info to hopefully make him change his mindā. Unfortunately they were too focused on the morality of it more than the reality so I didnāt get much good intel. It did confirm my suspicion that it would definitely hurt me more than the giraffe though.
So thatās why I canāt do it. Sorry guys. Also I live like 20 minutes from the Safari Park at Great Adventure so itās quite doable.
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Please donāt tell me you Pet-sit for a living.
Next youāll be telling me you want to roast Rabid Weasels at the local crematorium.
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I donāt have the desire to punch any other animals (ok well maybe my GFās dog but I wouldnāt). I just really want the bragging rights.
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You would need some kind of stepladder or a harness swing.
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Well a man could just run up behind him with a bucket. Set the bucket upside down right behind the giraffe. Step up on that bucket and punch him in the cajones. Then you hafta run, cuz no one really knows how fast a giraffe can run. The videos always show them running in slow motion, yāknow.
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Youāre way overthinking this thing. I was thinking a sunroof and some foliage. Make him come to me
No nuts, punch in the face. And their main defenses are rear kicks and neck swinging, but as far as I can tell the neck swinging is for battling another giraffe more than other threats.
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How you gonna get to his face tho? Huh? Ahhhhh!
Thereās the rub.
First punch the giraffe like as hard as you can. Straight in his balls. When he drops to his knees, mount his back, he wonāt be worried about anything but his deep breathing exercises at this point. Shimmy up his neck, knock his fucking block off and jump down.
Oh yeah. Then run like you just spit on the president.
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Just trying to help a brother out!
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Fill your pockets with marbles , to through on the ground , thatās always my go to , gets them everytime : )
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Dude theyāre gentle creatures. All I have to do is stand up so my arms are out of the sunroof, some enticing plant treats in my hand and a reassuring tone. The stupid idiot will walk right into the fisting of his lifetime.
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Dem Giraffes have some long reach on them
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My goodness.
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