I expect everybody to read the mild subtlety of all my jokes. Anything less would be uncivilized.
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Like shaving. In what world is scraping the hair off your body civilized? Sophisticated yes, civilized? Not so much. No joke, even a mildly subtle one. This is serious business.
Shit, it’s ten, I guess I should make some breakfast…
Since my stroke, I’m just never hungry. It’s very frustrating. I used to love making and eating food so much. Sigh…
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I haven’t wet shaved in maybe a decade. I have eaten though.
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Isnt mowing grass really just scraping the hair of the earth. Only to have it regrow.
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I wish to complain about this haircut.
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NOT IT, for mowing anymore grass EVER
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You will take what you get , you Pumpkin pie headed freak.
Not you Fortman.
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If you think you’re getting paid for this you’re mistaken.
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Im a certified pet groomer, its almost the same thing.
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Not paid for that either. My poodle now looks like a schnauzer because of you.
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Do you mean that literally , or is this pillow talk ? 
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It would be but I ask you to stay away from my pillow.
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I’m a locomotive engineer, I mow things down too on occasion but nothing to clean up afterwards. The coyotes bears and wolves and crows do a damn fine job at that
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Coyote murderer!
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" Smithers, deploy the Cowcatcher !"
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Never charged or convicted, I’ll bet.
Use the small one.
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Coyotes are not considered people and thus don’t qualify for murder.
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Ive never hit a coyote, but its a decent list otherwise. That said I do feel bad for them. They just love eatting the grain that gets drop between the rail and come around the I come around a corner with 60,000,000 lbs doesnt stop on a dime @ 60mph
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Do you do taxidermy in your spare time?
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No I have a few buddies that do but its hard to recreate something when it looks like your face met with a frying pan
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