Well, most of you probably know me by now. I’m that crazy fucker who is obsessed with cannabis contamination. I seriously won’t see a fucking bug, fungus, or pesticide/fungicide residue on my plant. I’m so obsessive about how far along my crop is…the density of trichome field. I want to know it all!!! What kinds of resins and whatever, I don’t even know what I am going to see in the scope…so that’s why I make sure to look at every single batch I possibly can. OK intro is over.
I’m kind of lazy sometimes in the way I won’t bother to calibrate the targeting in the microscope - but I hope some added pressure from showing other people the image will result in me taking 10min to calibrate. Did I get a fancy microscopy degree? from fancy university? Fuck no! I was busy studying computer information systems. Instead for the microscope I concentrated on using scientific method to figure out what I was doing. This includes years of observations, excruciating prepping of slides and looking at everybody’s crops including my own. Following other people’s grows. Talking to them ad nauseum. Not everyone’s cup of tea. And I don’t mean like internet grows, I mean real life people growing lots of plants of various kinds. The question is how do I know so many people growing weed? The answer to that… well, I got known through that hash I make. It’s complicated. But when people start comparing their hash grade to mine people want to meet this guy…who makes nuts hash. On the off chance I know some super secret they can use. Except the answers I have evil laugh conflict with biases. My not secret formula cannot be replicated somehow. Due to the inner workings of the human mind - no shitting.
Now, I’ve got data upon data. I’ll explain how it works.
You just look at the weed under the microscope and you have to know what you are seeing.
That part involves lots of observations! And here’s how you do it.
You scan your weed with the microscope and note there is an abnormality. Like a fiber that is red. So you get the magnification up there next level 160X maybe and see if you can take a photo of the fiber.
Now you have a photo of your fiber, so next you have to figure out what that fiber is. More complex 
but you take a sample of something known like a polyester red shirt fiber, same magnification and look for identifying attributes, like triple lobed red fiber is synthetic microplastic from polyester clothing.
We’re not going all CSI on this shit because it doesn’t matter. Next we want to determine the source of the fiber. Did you rub a red microfiber on the plate? Are the tools you use red and made of plastic? Always consider that YOU could have done that contamination. From there you can branch out once you know you didn’t contaminate it. NEVER scan for anomalies that are the same material as the tools you are using. If my scissors are dark green, never scan for dark green objects - you know what I’m saying?
In the case of mysterious anomaly I go back to the source. I look around the grow area and processing as well as tools the other person used. hmm maybe it is like CSI. But after a while you get to know what various things look like. Bug carcasses and eggs are easy to identify. Residue is the hardest. You can’t unfortunately “see” what that strange coating is, but you can see it’s there under “phase contrast” which is not for the faint of heart. The peaks of the light waves from the sample are separated so the human eye can see the difference between substances that are very similar in appearance and otherwise invisible. Sorry, I know most people won’t be getting their hands on that tech.
Fungus is the easiest to spot, They look like filaments on the surface for PM but other ones I’ve seen look like black trees. Fungus is cool to look at, but not to have growing!
ok! Making the control - aka your grow, contain no anomalies. This part, sadly i know most people can’t handle. But here goes. Use the protocols to ensure no bugs/fungus/residue by using a clean room and killing any parasite with protocol 0. Basic clean room design nothing fancy, never bring in parasites. Never use sprays for anything. Only use tools the color of things you aren’t scanning for. White, green… yellow. They should all work. Or at least be aware that you are contaminating things with that color and know in your scan that the contamination is your own. OK but you, as the reader don’t have to do this in order to use this knowledge. I can show you what things are without you having to run a clean room.
hah hah I’m also explaining now my secret to making that hash. It involves a complete lack of contamination by foreign bodies, like dirt, bugs, residue, eggs and micro plastics.<-- THE REASON my process can’t be replicated is this right here. But also the other reason…oooo it’s because nobody is grinding plants against each other in a race to produce the best hash or die 
I am the ultimate hash connoisseur. People were calling me by my secret identity just the other day - when they see the hash I made in someone’s hand…they start muttering my name like I’m Candyman.
ok I’ll be back in a bit with some photos of various contamination. I have to set up the scope as well! put it away so greasy fingers couldn’t get all over it. I’ll try and hunt down some photos I took in the past, but the good news is I made slides of lots of things so I can just crack them out again.
well, I will post my warning now about offensiveness. The images you are about to see will cause offense because my description of them will be frank and offensive due to the nature of the content. Names changed to hide the identity of slackers in question.
This is a sample from the justice league. In this image several dark objects are embedded in the trichome on sample of bud. These dark fragments are likely to be growing medium/organic contaminates. As the reader, you can deny this claim, but I have seen without a doubt the growing medium winds up on your plant and then in your hash. These fragments are visible at 100X magnification but completely invisible to the human eye. The fragments kill your melt on the hash turning it into a dark brown lump with no sparkles.
sample provided by The Riddler but originated from The Poisoner.
The thing about the scan is you can never prove something doesn’t exist right. Because you can’t look everywhere all at once and see it’s nowhere to be found. On the other hand, all you need is a single positive hit and you know it exists. Just like all the fragments of shit I will no doubt find if I keep scanning this bud which I will. Having said you can’t prove it doesn’t exist, you can prove it doesn’t exist ON THIS BUD by examining the entire thing. Time wasting anyone??? Once you have scanned a reasonable number of samples you can conclude if it does exist… I can’t find it. lol Like I can’t prove my hash isn’t contaminated with polymer fibers except in the hundreds of samples I have checked I never saw any.
yum, I am finding a moderate density of synthetic fibers, so far. I wonder what their origin is? One is white and the other is red. Definitely originating from the bud and not a contamination. I am using cotton fibers of white to clean the slide. It was deep in the bud.
Hell yes SCIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEENCE! 
Oh don’t mind me, just pulling a seat up here…
ok scan complete I did several samples from different depths. Outer bud, inner bud, and a single bud, just randomly looking around at 40x and 100x…and in between! We’re testing positive for contaminates and not all of them organic. 2 growing medium samples, one synthetic fiber to share. I saw more synthetics and various random particles of stuff, and I know you’re thinking “But that’s just some tiny random crap, it won’t affect the hash”. But consider this… each small particle winds up in the hash and they are stuck to trichomes and surfaces etc. Each one like a tiny grain of sand.
synthetic fiber.
medium chunk stuck to trichome stalk/random organics
more evil. I mean medium chunk/random organic.
I think the medium chunk stuck to the trichome stalk is the best of the photos, it really brings out the chunkiness. The reason I classify it as growing medium/random organic is because from my experience with these scans - someone with these chunks is growing in what they call “dirt” aka some kind of potting soil medium? Unless I go over there and make 100% sure, you’ll have to take my word for it.
ohh my theory on how it ends up on the buds is like anything else. organics get on the floor and are kicked around by humans and wind.
random justice league photograph of a trichome.
random justice league bud trichome shot. heh heh not all photos are of nast. I smoked that bud as well and it was flavour-less dog poo. Kind of like ashes in your mouth.
here’s my control group, some level 5 crazybuds.
This is the bud trichome shot.
and the wide field leaf photo.
I smoked this bud as well…ooo the flavour was sublime it bites your taste buds.
Tomorrow when I post some more, I will go over bugs! How I catch em…preserve them forever… study their inner workings! If you have some kind of phobia against killing shit, then this part ain’t for you. I will even consider…getting off my lazy bones…and taking a phase contrast movie of a living insect. Now that will blow some fucking minds alright. I have never seen anything like it in the real world except on the documentation I read to learn how to use this shit lol!
Oh yes! Bring the science! Bring the slaughter!! 
Here’s a photo of a thrip on a slide that my daughter made! I don’t know any other kid in the world who gets to play with a 2000$ scientific instrument LOL. So, we use isopropyl alcohol to capture the bugs since it is so lethal and also pickles them forever. You can do nuts things like take an entire leaf and lay it on a paper towel soaked with iso, to see what bugs die and get stuck. You can take the paper towel or toilet paper whatever you want then cut it into sections and put it under the microscope. When you see the “enemy” it can be identified and also harvested for later viewing. I’m certain all bugs will die this way, because I haven’t seen one survive it yet.
Once the bug is safely on the slide…umm oh yah I pick the bug off the paper with a syringe. Forgot that part. Then you get the cover plate and put it on there. Take some number 7 contact cement which is a white fibrous glue and run a bead of glue around the edge of the plate, affixing it forever - or until you really want to scrape the glue off?
lol anyone who is thinking right now I’m lying about doing studies on things - you can suck on my microscopy!
Nice, I fucking hate thrips! Fun fact, the singular of thrips is thrips.
I love to crush them to death! Fun fact thrips can live in the ground as well as complete their lifecycle on the plant leaf, so they can continue to live even in chemical hydro with no medium. But! What I do is when I make the clones I rub each leaf with my fingers and after a couple weeks of doing that they’re all dead. BTK kills them too, uhh and protocol 0, so you can take your non-toxic pick for killing them. BTK soak the ground and spray the plant, they are dead meat. I got more photos and shit but I am busy making the bubble hash test run! 