I was actually going to be in food for a bit. It helped reduce my food budget by about half as I would eat on the job as negotiated by example of not having the energy to do my job without constantly eating. Nearly managed to end up as management actually too after only a year busting my ass at the bottom rung training everyone.
2 Likes
I know I can and how far I’ve come from when I was a kid shows that. I only recently went back on meds situational. I had to accept i couldn’t work without zoning out without my adhd medication, but I refuse to take pharmaceutical meth. Re-uptake inhibitors still allow me to operate heavy machinery and I can actually retain information without getting distracted like Doug from up.
My anxiety was recently officially diagnosed as GAD, so they got me on a re-uptake inhibitor for that too. Together they assist me in being able to maintain control over my anger much better, but they still aren’t an antipsychotic and can’t help when all I want to do is go postal and snap.
I can’t let myself get to that point and I’ve been trying to find ways that I can use to manage stress that don’t involve bottling to let out on something later. It’s not healthy 
In times like today where a the hands on time was taken up by the most kindergarten teacher explanations possible I don’t have any way to help and I can’t get high to make it go away
1 Like
You should never bottle shit up
Good cry sorts that out no shame in crying clears the head
5 Likes
I’m not afraid to cry, but it isn’t being sad. Imagine roid rage, but naturally a chemical imbalance, you never really know when it’s coming next, and the smallest thing makes you want to attack the person who did it
@OniTenshu do you believe in god? He is the one that can heal you. When you wake up in the morning say a prayer, and in the evening before you go to bed say a prayer. I have seen him heal many including myself.
Don’t see it talked about much but sounds like you have tried many other things, and really need and want help.
Short of that, I was thinking vigorous exercise. Do something that you can let out all that stress.
Someone above talked about seeing the beauty in small things. A bird, a flower, a cloud… for me these all relate back to the first suggestion.
Good luck.
2 Likes
I’ve had to figure out ways to keep that in check my whole life if I want a future. The issue is my methods are flawed in that they’re a bandaid.
I did roids for years lol I used to be massive all juiced out
And no where to go lol,I ended up teaching kickboxing in Ireland and starting my own club get that anger out
I found a good woman,life is good for me at
The minute
1 Like
I don’t personally believe in them no, but I try light exercise as I’m able to for my lungs to keep them from getting pneumonia every other month. Ever since I was 14 it’s been a part of my daily routine if I’m not incapacitated by pain that day.
I’ve worked through the pain before. Don’t like it. I wasn’t able to turn my head to look around for weeks. Everything locked up in bad ways from one thing after another and each one worse than the last. I called it back at FedEx after I kept working through the pain after that and kept slipping and getting hurt at the end of my shifts from not being able to move right anymore.
I don’t do them, but I used it as an example of what I mean when I say it’s not something I choose to be like. If I had a choice being talked to like I’ve never been out of diapers wouldn’t piss me off to my core. Rudimentary shapes and counting on a ruler isn’t novel
I can use meditation and deep breathing exercises to maintain focus long enough to reason with myself, but I can’t do anything to stop the anger despite that. It’s like a chemical reaction going off and I don’t have a way to neutralize it when it happens even if I can manage to keep calm long enough to ask for help before I hurt myself or someone else to stop the pain.
When I’m asked to be engaged in conversation right after the stress hits peak it makes it hard to shut up and focus on calming down.
1 Like
You need to find something like a photo that sums up your motivation & put it on your phone. That will help keep you focused.
Get a calendar and make off each day - every day. That will help visualize you are getting closer to your goal.
The serenity prayer helps some folks too.
There’s different ways to build resiliency of mind and control but they all take time and effort. I hope you find your path.
Cheers
G
4 Likes
Those all help actually and I’ve been using the goal of being able to support myself and I’ve been going day to day with it just trying to get through it. 100% so far academically. That’s not the issue.
It’s not that it’s hard to learn. It’s actually stupid easy and as long as you have the patience to sit through 7 months of a teacher who can’t remember how to teach I’d say go for it if you can count to 4 and use a ruler, a grid, and understand that without everything being all the same even surface area your work station won’t be making anything off spec unless you screw up.
It is the retirement wave for machinists right now, so get in while the opportunity is here if you have the desire. It pays well and you just have to sit through grade school again 
sorry, but that just gets to me that they aren’t even covering more than what I learned in 7th-8th grade in special education where we were grades behind academically.
1 Like
Honestly though accidentally stabbing myself on an old broom handle while gripping it so tightly i managed to get right into the pressure point may have helped one way or another to ground me today and not freak out, but self harm isn’t an option for me tbh. I need to use my hands to work. I can barely move my hand now. Though at least if I don’t move my fingers I can use my thumb 
I taught myself to make handpans took me 2 years and a heart attack,I can sell these all day long for $1600 each I can’t make enough of them all from a flat piece of steel hand hammered and tuned,you just have to stick shit out,it’s hard sometimes but the rewards at the end are the best,I didn’t know anything about steel and heating and all that shit trial and error
3 Likes
Oh wow! I’m just trying to get stable enough to get to that point. I can study books all I want day in and out, but it doesn’t replace hands on experience.
1 Like
I know what you are saying, I ran a prototype machine shop.
I quite liked it. When you understand your machines you occasionally have opportunities to be creative that can be quite personally rewarding (when you pull it off).
I’ve also had some sad instructors (and some good ones).
A high bullshit tolerance has never been one of my strong suits. 
There was a book I read in the 70’s called The Peter Principle. Basically it said that people rise (promoted) until they are incompetent and then they sit there. I’ve often thought about that whenever I’d been exposed to some incompetent goof. I guess humor is my stress relieving mechanism.
Cheers
G
4 Likes
When I started making these I had to learn all this myself,no one would tell me anything I read books on steel drum making ,that’s what I’m saying stick at it
And you will be rewarded
2 Likes
Do you have any tips on how you keep your cool when you can’t talk yourself down? If you can’t fight the person how would you cope with the situation assuming getting high is off the table and you had to deal with them again for another 4 hours. When 4 hours was all it took to make you want to go to jail because hitting them to shut them up would be satisfying.
I have tried a lot of things, but I also can’t believe I did everything I did the right way either. When I was younger deep Breathing just made me more angry and not calmer. Then one day I was able to calm myself down before my eardrum ruptured.
1 Like
You need to learn to disengage those thoughts. Its ok to feel bad. Dont feed bad feelings.
1 Like
What I’m trying to say is I can get through day to day, but not without weed. If I want to keep my usage to end of day when I don’t have responsibilities, then I need to find ways that isn’t a personal pep talk, more exercise than a 5 mile walk a day, zoning out to music in all my spare time on top of other tasks, deep breathing, and fear of jail.
Today was a shining example that I need to find in the moment ways to cool off on the job when I can’t use anything to calm down and deep breathing isn’t being done right and instead I end up hyperventilating before a full panic attack with full blown rage tacked on.
1 Like