I wouldn’t have mental health issues if I could think like that 
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I have more disabilities than fingers on one hand. I had to work at my problems. Unfortunately it took time.
Edit: And still is. lol
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Exactly what I mean. Teach a man to fish and all that. I can be told things all day, but without context I don’t comprehend
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I own a machine shop. Great line of work.
Have you tried cbd only weed? Doesn’t get you high just helps keep you regular and the anxiety in check. Works great for me.
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I have tried cbd. Personally it helps me as much as ibuprofen, but for less time before my fingertips are screaming like my hands are getting crushed. I abused my hands too much and sped up how soon I’d end up with hands like my mom, grandma, great grandmother, and at least 2 more generations back i know of that developed it in their late 20s to early 30s to the point their hands were crippled.
Honestly it’s funny enough why I’m going into machining when its mostly buttons now and my hands won’t be moving as much. I know measuring and such, but those tools are weighted so nicely they’re nearly weightless in my hands.
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I’ve been round the block and I’ll tell you life is not perfect you’re going to have your good days your going to have your bad days that’s just life
You just have to get it into your head the bad days will pass,no one is perfect I don’t care what anyone says
Everyone has bad days,but you have to keep your head up and don’t sink,because none is going to help you but yourself and that’s what I’ve learned over the years,
My wife makes 100k a year as a nurse,she’s not always happy she has her good days and bad days
Everyone has,that’s just life your job is to keep your head high,and do the best you can,that’s all you can do
Life is quick make the most of it
And that’s what I go by
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I honestly feel like it starts with a choice to do better.
You will figure out what changes you need to make. You already know things are affecting your quality of life. Youve accepted you cant medicate.Then that means you need to make observations and change how you react.
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I am a fan of cbc and cbg for my pain though. I really can’t get enough of what I call auto pop. My back just starts to reposition itself and does corrective pops while I’m laying down relaxing waiting for the nerve pain in my lower back to stop. Once they kick in almost my whole spine all at once like popcorn just audibly fill the room with crunches for a second. Sourcing out lab tested cbg and cbc has gotten expensive for me though. I’m trying to find a dispensary in my area that isn’t going to charge 80/g for concentrate of any decent quality 
severe asthma sucks 
for all of February I didn’t have my inhalers and had to stop my daily walks to help my back pain too.
The honey i made helped a lot, but it doesn’t have any cbn based on how little it helped my anger lately. From experiments in a cbn tincture if I take it I won’t be able to stay awake without an energy drink or 1000mg caffeine in a cup. The only thing that’s kept me awake otherwise is when I’m wound up and can’t find a way to calm down. Though it’s sedating me to be still long enough be forced to wait it out.
1000% not safe to do for training or I’m likely to zone out in micro sleeps as I’m going in and out of daydreaming to not hear the 20th repeated phrase in an hour
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Your relation to emotion, you are floating in it, drifting like a leaf.
Step back, look at your thoughts and emotion instead of drowning in them.
It is a skill, practice, notice the difference looking at your experience from a distance.
Begin to dream a better resolution, what you want, If you don’t know where you want to go how can you possibly get there?
Emotion guides the stream of thought, do you remember what tranquility feels like?
How can you benefit from and even enjoy rage and frustration? Let it fuel your aims, the answer is not important, asking the question is.
Life is suffering as they say, how you take it is an all together different matter.
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I’m trying 
I have no direction on where to look outside of just random guessing and trying to ask myself if that’s why. I’ve managed a few blind guesses, but honestly that took years of going through anything I could think of in my life that was causing it. For years I told myself it was simple and easy as my father abandoned me at 3 months old and I remember enough of that time to have an exact layout of the entire place he left us at down to furniture placement and the pipes in the half bathroom. It wasn’t that simple and my issues don’t stop just because I want them to or use logic or reasoning to make them go away like they’re standard emotions.
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Here’s another thought or truth depending on how you look at it
You can not stress over stuff you can’t control
Took me many years without pills or medication to understand and believe that
I do not take anything pharmaceutical except a pill to keep my calcium where it needs to be
Peace and stay safe
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To date the things that help are doing anything I can to stay in the moment. During a class I can’t put on headphones, use my phone, leave the property, smoke/vape on premises, or afford to have any vision issues that make me have to do stupid shit like get my hair caught in the machine trying to see a part. Though my ocd usually makes me turn it off before I make adjustments while I’m getting used to the machine. In 15 minutes I learned more by trial and error going through the options before using it to make sure I wouldn’t cause a fire, death, broken part, broken machine by my bad luck, or be spinning too fast for the material and bit used.
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Without bottling it up to deal with after I can finally relax what are things I can do within the shop then I guess while they are having us dick around for the month it looks like? The mill isn’t going to be the best artistic medium while we’re learning to work the machines without having to remind ourselves the exact position relative to origin. The lathe though will be much easier to relieve stress by making something I can shape more.
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Thats what I was telling you. How to solve any problem you have. You have to learn to solve your problems. You also have to tell yourself you can solve your own problems.
Start with meditation. Learn to observe your thoughts and not react to them.
Maybe even listen to some buddhist meditations.
Solutions to problems are not always going to be readily at your fingertips.
The most retarded thing to me is that after I got to this place all the simple phrases made sense.
Everything is complicated by mental illness and emotion.
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Ugh I may have just realized I forgot about drawing 
I haven’t done it in years as my hands hate the movement now, but if stress will be eating pain to where that broom incident only hit a 3 on my pain scale when it happened with hand sanitizer to stop the bleeding before I dripped blood everywhere oddly having no pain at all. Not even a sting. That was actually my cue I wasn’t doing okay. I hadn’t even noticed I couldn’t feel my hands much anymore. I may as well pick up drawing again. As long as I can get a pen or pencil I can hold comfortably without my knuckles needing to be adjusted because they don’t feel great, but not yet more painful until the next day and I can’t bend my fingers without sharp pain like I bruised my knuckles or some shit.
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I’ll probably catch hell for this but I’m gonna be that guy who says rub one out before class/those situations your at home and alone /panicking. I know it sounds stupid but the dopamine release gives that moment of clarity (aka post nut clarity as some call it). Not trying to fuck with you or be vile, just saying sometimes that shit helps dude. I can relate on alot of the anxieties and shit you’ve talked about. I would normally recommend an earbud but you already said it’s not allowed.
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It Ain’t Over Until I Win!
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Not gonna lie I wish I had time with my fiance this morning. She wasn’t even awake when I left and she had to head out to work after I left for class. Timing sucks
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I really don’t care for cleaning, anger and enjoyment of the result gets me through.
Sometimes its ants, that is really motivational for cleaning, its a real bastard trying to sleep or use the computer with ants everywhere.
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Haha I hear ya, wife’s usually most in the mood in morning but our 5year old and her dog decided to come and sleep with us almost nightly so it makes it hard. Usually end up with her taking a “nap” in the evening and then us hearing to bed. Wasn’t sure if you have a s/o or not and didn’t wanna assume lol.
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