Not sure the specific category this belongs in, but I thought I’d share a moment with you all to hopefully help out those who aren’t in a good spot rn.
I know it’s soon to be Christmas and I should be happy and jolly, but home life isn’t great. I made the decision to disown myself as the only times I ever feel happy anymore is when I ghost my family. I’m tired of being put down and bullied all the time, so I told them they have no son anymore and that they wouldn’t see me again for the foreseeable future.
I thought I would end up feeling worse, but my stubborn nature told me it was for the best. It’s only been 2 hours and I can’t even express the amount of stress I lost now that that drama is behind me. I left my sisters as the only immediate family to contact me in emergencies, but overall once the grow is finished I’ll be leaving the nest too. Money or not it’s not worth staying where I’m constantly depressed and bullied into submission all year round. If I could I’d leave now and move the grow with me.
Long story short don’t be afraid to cut off family if they make your QOL worse. Just because they’re blood/family doesn’t give them an excuse to bring you to the brink of suicide and then tell you that they won’t let you end it all when they push too far.
Just be Happy and cut out all those who are toxic in your life. Even if they should be your mother. Suicidal thoughts aren’t worth family connections.
This is truth… you’ll pull through man. Look how far you’ve come. I think life is more about the journey, then getting to the destination… mostly it’s a gravel road and we dont have shoes on but that makes the soft grass fields that much better when we get to walk them…
I just can’t believe I finally did it. Only issue is I’m penniless with no income, so I’ll have to sell my stuff to get a place to stay if I don’t want to be homeless or in a shelter.
It sucks I may have to abandon the grow and my dog
It’s still for the best. The only time I escape depression is when I’m not home for awhile. The second I’m back I get a few hours of nice followed by constant mention of my faults, how I’m a waste, and that no one likes me. Great mother🙄
It’s not that I’m not used to the world. It’s when those closest to me who I trust more than my own thoughts are making me want to kill myself.
The both of them are just bullies who enjoy watching me suffer. They’ll keep pushing me to suicide and when I try they apparently care at that point, but not enough to stop what they’re doing. They just keep doing it despite me talking to them about what they’re doing to me.
It’s just how my family is. My cousin did the same with her mother and she’s been the happiest I’ve seen her in my entire life. If I can even get a fraction of that I’ll be happy.
Noone can make you feel some kinda way unless you let them.
It’s self esteem… not peer esteem ya know
Plus your family here would rather you didn’t do anything rash… I’ve watched you since the first post bud… we is connected now… you kill yourself and we’ll come bring you back and kill you again.z
How you see yourself is often not how others see you. You are different to everyone you meet. Your are constantly absorbing energy from people too. You need to look into meditation. And how you see yourself verses how other may/maynot preserve you.
I’d agree with you, but when a effort is made to make me feel bad it’s not really in my control.
If I ignore them they bring up things they know make me feel awful.
I try my best to ignore them, but I can only ignore so much before some comes through and I hear it.
Either way I’m going to be packing my stuff once I’m back home and just leaving everything non-essential behind. If I’m fortunate enough to couch surf at my friend’s places I’ll maybe be able to keep this grow going. Absolutely worst case scenario I have to tell my friend in NH that what he’s wanted had come true and I’m giving him my plants to grow out for me.
Thank you! I’ll remember that. Good thing I have plenty of bagseed and too many people wanting seed in my area. Black market seed prices are ridiculously high. I’ve seen as high as $60 a seed and it wasn’t even known genetics. If I have to I’ll find people who want all my kush and master kush seeds I have left that are all mixed together.
Even at 5 a pop I’ll make enough to eat this week.
I’d have 20lbs from the qp of chafe I got them from in that case
Too bad I didn’t get that deal, but I let’s me grow worst case. I’ll have no reservations of chucking bagseed in a guerilla grow.
It might be my only option to grow rn
Somehow out of likes already. I liked only about 10 posts today LoL
I’m so sorry. I suffer from depression and get very worried when someone mentions suicide. Is there anything I can do? Just know that you are not alone. I’m glad you reached out to us at least. We are here should you need anything.
No worries here. I just thought I’d mention I’m not thinking of suicide now. I had disowned myself as I was tired of always talking myself off the ledge. I love my fiancee and I don’t want to make her sad. I wish staying with her was a option, but she’s in a condo RN with strict Tennant rules. Only 5 overnight stays in a 60 day period max or they risk getting evicted.
This just gives me a excuse to take the permit test and call my dad. He’s offered to give me a plumbers job. It’ll be 5 years of hell, but it’ll be well worth the strife learning a trade. Never in my whole life did I think I’d cut my mother out of my life and keep my father in it. The exact opposite would be what you’d think would happen if you knew my family history
I’ll remember that. Good thing I have plenty of bagseed and too many people wanting seed in my area. Black market seed prices are ridiculously high. I’ve seen as high as $60 a seed and it wasn’t even known genetics. If I have to I’ll find people who want all my kush and master kush seeds I have left that are all mixed together.