For the past several.weeks I have not been sleeping well. The initial stay with mom was awful especially dealing with our health care system and her repeated IV insertions that didn’t stay in or blew a vein, her ripping out her catheter, attempting to crawl out of bed with a broke hip, nurses neglecting to bathe or change her sheets etc.
She is in better state now and in a long term care facility
These night combined with witnessing and being attacked in some incidents at work have led to some ptsd
I’m trying to reach out for help but it’s slow coming and I’m more concerned with my mom than myself.
Brother and I will go to court to get guardian ship and conservator soon.
He is another story. Aspergers syndrome and conservative Christian…and I’m not either.
I’m doing my best to walk him through this as it’s complicated legally and he don’t do complicated well.
So anyway I have been using alcohol and tramadol to sleep.
Last night I pulled out some year.old tashkenti landrace indica and drank a shot of peanut butter whiskey. I rolled a big fatty and smikes six hits and drank a couple shot.
I’m feeling much better this morning as I had no nightmares last night. Thank you jesus.
Sorry to hear about all that you have been going through @Trowertripper. I hope you are able to find some rest soon, glad you were able to sleep with no nightmares. Family situations coupled with other issues are a 1-2 punch sometimes. Sending positive vibes to you and your family!
This is such a hard time for a family. I went through a bit of the same with my Ma, maybe 11 years ago now. No brothers or sisters, it was her and I, until her peace came for her. There are just no real words to offer, just one foot in front of the other. I’m so sorry for your family, at this harsh time.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about you struggles with both your moms care as well as your own.
PTSD is an asshole. I really hope you can find someone to talk to soon. Talk therapy, EMDR and CBT therapy are a good start. In the meantime look into your sleep hygiene routines and change what you can there ie screen time or exercise too close to bedtime, tv in the room. Etc. some mindful meditiation before bed can really help too. These are things that I’ve found helpful over the years and hopefully you can too.
Alcohol +tramedol is a terrible mix for sleep my friend unless you’re looking for a permanent type sleep.
Good luck with your mom. Happy she’s in a more stable place.
Hey @Trowertripper i understand your situation all too well, and you’ve got my condolences man, it’s really tough. I’m an alcoholic and addict a little over four years in recovery and in January my moms died in her sleep suddenly. I’ve been crashing back into family life after leaving when I was a teenager for NYC and Philly in my late thirties and it’s a fucking mess man, everything is so stressful and makes my anxiety and PTSD go off the charts. My dad is an active, lifelong alcoholic who’s drinking stoically through it, putting down a dozen Sammies a day at 76 with Parkinson’s. I’ve been trying to build rapport and stuff with him since January with the help of my little brother who I get along with okay even if we’re different and been out of touch almost as much. But I had to call senior services on him last week and file a self-neglect crisis report because he was just doing crazy dangerous shit daily like driving drunk and giving his financial info to every cold caller or TV ad he dialed from his recliner. He called the cops on me and now I’m trespassed from my childhood home for the foreseeable future. Crazy paranoia and conspiracies from him mean we’re probably never going to have a relationship I can really trust again, not that I ever totally did because he was always like this growing up, getting DUIs and coming home late all loud and messy with my Ma angry and trying to get him to quiet down.
It’s made me want to drink more than anything in the pandemic or whatever, but good weed, my plants, my partner, staying active here on OG and talking to other people, that’s all made it easier to try and see I gotta take care of myself right now because this stuff is just going to keep coming at me, and it’s easier when I can take a few breaths and a few tokes and get back to it than if I hit the pills or bourbon again. Like someone said, tramadol and booze are a one way path to the big sleep, so please don’t do that. Use them both if you gotta but just be careful to space it out, get through this how you need to but don’t mix stuff please, I’ve lost friends that way to heroin and alcohol, coke and alcohol, it’s real dangerous.
The PTSD of witnessing medical trauma is real, especially when there’s a strong emotional connection. My mom was a lifelong ER charge nurse and did a lot of EMS stuff as a flight nurse in the helicopters and she always said that she would never treat one of us if she could avoid it because the trauma would be unforgettable. And that it’s why they’re so firm about keeping families out of the ER, people never forget the things they see their loved ones going through in pain and injury, it’s called vicarious trauma and I would definitely encourage you to look that up, it’s a type of PTSD that’s common to first responders, social workers, and other people who witness the suffering of others and feel responsible for not stopping it.
For PTSD and related anxiety/depression, I have found that a daily dose of 10mg Lexapro helps a lot, if you have a doctor you can ask, your primary care physician or other non-psych people will often prescribe SSRIs like that especially for an emergency or crisis use. I’d also recommend taking magnesium supplements and mega doses of B-complex vitamins, along with fish oils or flax/borage if you’re vegan or allergic. All of those will help regulate your stress and nervous system and make things seem calmer, they’re also just generally good for you and will boost your energy level.
Good luck my OG, I’m subscribed to this thread and here to talk anytime
Holy crap you guys, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through these very difficult situations.
Whatever you do, try not to drink. It’s the one that flushes you down the toilet.
Best wishes through this - you can make it!
Condolences to all on the difficult times being faced.
I’m going to a funeral on Sunday for a guy I know who drank himself to death. At 28. Yes, 28. It’s crazy.
Yup, seent it unfortunately. Along with a bunch of 20-30 year olds I’ve known who did the mixing thing wrong and ended up cold, sometimes it wasn’t their fault like fentanyl and stuff but sometimes I think they knew. It’s harder than ever out there with the way the world has gotten more and more unkind and expensive everywhere but there’s also more good people and good things to get involved in too. COVID did a lot of terrible things to our social lives but I get a lot of hope from seeing how people have pitched in and organized to help out their families, neighbors, friends, and local businesses over and over again when they need it. They say alcohol abuse rates have skyrocketed through the early pandemic and are starting to level out but at a higher normal, so we’re all dealing with it more than before…
I should have died by accident many times before I cleaned up my act.
I know other early deaths because of drugs/booze but this guy was at my wedding and died 3 weeks later. And 28 is, just, super young.
And you’re right, Covid isolation made it worse.
Smoking weed seems to surpress our dreams.
So keep smokin if you want dream surpression.
Theanine works well for those who are looking for alternative to anti-depressants.
It is a rough road you are on mister, take good care of yourself and sometimes you need to shut the mind off the best you can, if you can.
A distraction can be your friend in these troubled times.
I wish you all the best.
Shag
L-Theanine + Melatonin + Indica is wonderful for a brain full of self hatred and loathing. Makes you sleep like a baby so that you can keep getting those paychecks 
Pz 
Thanks all. It’s good to know I’m not alone and no one discounted my experiences…I do have to have my bedroom pitch black and a white noise generator going…now in the daytime I can go to sleep anywhere anytime with the sun shining and people yelling and honking in the car behind me at the stop sign
You might even get a check up by one of the sleep specialist places. I should myself, but people that are recommended to use the system to achieve real sleep, swear by it. @Meesh is one person I remember. Maybe she can swing by.
Prayers and vibes sent bro. I don’t sleep well, myself. We’ll get you there! peace 
This is a good podcast about that secondary or vicarious trauma thing I was mentioning from a Canadian group that helps medical people and first responders, it explains a lot:
And these are some good videos for understanding more about PTSD and what you can do about it:
This is a VA page that’s really good about sleep insomnia and nightmares:
Just woke up after a long 3 hour sleep for another long day on the hamster wheel.
Chronic insomnia/nightmares caused by ptsd has been keeping my life on pause for the last 6 years.
It exasperates everything. The frustration, the confusion, the anger, the irritability, the self loathing. Life becomes sour.
A life lived at the periphery. Trying to not be a burden to those around me.
Sorry to vent. I’m stuck in a place between rage and sorrow and my soul is tired.
Hope everyone has a blessed day. Take care of yourself, if you don’t you can’t care for anyone else.
Keep it up man, you are doing great! These types of experiences need time to find peace in the soul. Hang in there and things will turn around 
Pz
This sounds very rough to deal with.
Give the theanine a try, it is not a solution, but it can help things get just a little less bad.
@MonasticDank I hope you get some sleep brother… 
Both rage and sorrow take energy. I don’t have enough for either, but I hear you.
I know this feeling brother, I spent a lot of years with my lifelong insomnia turned evil, with nightmares and lots of negative thoughts and spinning out scenarios and contingencies while I was trying to sleep, or dreaming about them, which is a nightmare to me. There is a decent amount of research that nightmares are in part an effect from musculoskeletal pain and stress, which is perhaps part of why we have them after injuries or high stress situations including trauma. With trauma there is also the aspect of reliving or existing in the moment that will prevent sleep and make dreams negative as your brain tries to keep turning on it. It seems like Vitamin D and calcium deficiencies might be related to nightmares:
If you’re taking melatonin to try and help your sleep, it’s possible that might be a cause of the nightmares or intense dreams. A decent number of people including myself have that problem with it, and it’s recommended a little too freely for my tastes. Melatonin is great but the dosage has to be very precise, the window between happy brain and bad brain is only a few milligrams for a lot of people I know, and long term use isn’t great IMHO. But it works! I think that a small dose of melatonin with some magnesium and vitamin B, like this study recommends, would be a cheap and safe thing for you to try that might help with sleeping better. I like the CVS brand Triple Magnesium gelcaps, they’re cheap and have a good mix (just like plants I guess we need the minerals in different forms to be most effective lol). And I do a Super B-Complex with a megadose but just watch the B6 that one can make some people more restless if it’s too much.
Versus using a lot of alcohol, I think you’d be happier to stick with something herbal and sedative or nerve-calming, I like teas with some combination of chamomile, valerian, wild lettuce, vervain, coltsfoot, skullcap, sage, or damiana and you can also make an herbal smoking mix with those and weed or tobacco that’s real good for bedtime. Sometimes I’ll mix a joint with like 50% indica, 10% tobacco, and then the rest is like sage, damiana, lavender and mugwort. Try having an herbal fatty instead of the shot at the end of the night and see how it makes you feel? You can get all these things cheap on the internet or from most health food store bulk sections or at an herbalist. There are tons of premade things but buying bulk organic herbs is really the way to go. Then you can make tea, smoke them, make tinctures etc all for pennies on the dollar. Most of these plants are also easy to grow anywhere in North America and pretty!
I do just buy a lot of Yogi and Traditional Medicinals teas, those are good for sure and easy to find. But my favorite premixed herbal teas for this stuff come from this person who a friend introduced me to their website, their prices are good and their blends are very potent, plus they use the nice traditional little tins that are reusable for tea, spices, or weed. If you want to try something cheap and easy and support a small business, I like both the Chill Dude, which is loose leaf herbal tea, and Painsomnia Begone, which is a finely ground powder like chai spice or green gunpowder tea, it mixes well into a hot milky drink:
https://www.thevagabondtabby.com/product-category/stuff-for-your-skin/tea/
It might seem unrelated but I get really grumpy and negative when my skin is dry and cracking and stiff, they also make my favorite hand balm for everyday use working with my hands, great stuff and they make lots of others but this is the one I switched to from Badger and Brave Soldier etc, it smells like a nice spicy mens cologne which doesn’t hurt either:
A lot of people swear by, and there seems to be research supporting the use of, tinctures of Reishi mushroom or Lions Mane for nervous system regulation and brain/immune assistance, but I think there are other users that could address that a lot more knowledgeably like @nube @Kraven or @FattyRoots
@Dirt_Wizard thanks for the amazing info to review. I’ve been down the melatonin and magnesium road with no success in the past. As far as alcohol goes its been the most positive change in my time away from work. It’s no longer a factor in my life. I’m definitely going to take a look at what you posted there. I truly believe mushrooms are great for regulating your system. Thanks for reminding me about Reishi.
@shag @Foreigner @LonelyOC thanks as well guys.