When I arrived in Alaska, a family friend picked me up at the Anchorage airport in a busted up 250,000 mile truck that never let him down. I threw my duffel in the back in between the crab traps and the side of the truck, getting in… I thought, here I go. Tony is married but they don’t want to have any kids because of where they live and how harsh life really is, after meeting his wife we stepped out on the back porch and he pulled a small oval tin from his pocket, He looked me in the eyes as he opened it and said. “this my friend, is Alaskan Matanuska thunder fuck”. As soon as the rim of the can came apart and exposed the spicy dankness that was inside, he passed it to me, I was in a state of awe looking at deep red hair, purple and gold leaves and all of covered in sparkling trichromes.
The citrus aroma made the inside of my nose tingle, I packed the elk horn bowel sitting on the railing with just a pinch at his request. Becky came out with some beers and asked Tony if he was going to let me feel the thunder fuck standing up. We sat around the table as they had a conversation about a place called the monkey wharf, looking at the incredible sky line my senses were in overload, Becky went back inside glancing a look at me with a broad smile and said, “lean back in the chair when it hits, if you lean forward, you’ll white out and fall out of the chair”. Tony laughed in his Italian way and asked for the pipe, placing another pinch on top he pushed it in and lite it up, after a deep hold, slowly releasing a cloud of smoke, he handed pipe back and I took a long hard hit with no additional fire. As I leaned back with my eye’s open the color of the sky changed in intensity, the clouds, the mountains, everything developed silver glowing outline and I closed my eye’s for the release. Static electric rings racing toward me in multiple colors, as I faded out, the jet lag, lack of sleep all combined and I slept for about two hours.
When I woke up, they were in the kitchen working on something and it hadn’t gotten a lot darker outside for being 7 PM in the evening Tony saw me through the window and came out and said hey sleepyhead, chow is almost ready, after that we’re going to head down to the monkey wharf. He told me that it was a bar that all the locals loved, that it would help me to get out and meet the people and we would hang out with his friends. When we went inside and I looked at the table It was rather shocking to see a loaf of bread, grilled hot dogs, a jar of peanut butter and a big bag of Lays potato chips. Tony looked at me very sternly and he said, what’s the matter you never had peanut butter on hotdogs before? It’s was awesome! I couldn’t believe it, the flavor combo was beyond compare for being so simple.
On a walk about around the property, he lite up a number and the smoke blew around me in a thick haze while looking at his best view of the mountains. As we sat in the giant hand carved wood bench with totem poll figures of life and death lining the outsides. I hit the joint and released several times over a period of 3 or 4 minutes. Then something happened that I suppose I’ll never fully understand, sparkles in my brain… I wasn’t seeing flashes of light, the sparkles were in my mind. I looked over and Tony was grinning ear to ear, are you feeling it he happily asked? Hell yeah, I feel heavy and light at the same time, mini explosions all over my brain and all my skin is tingling. He pushed his head back on his shoulders and handed the resin dripping black and brown roach jammed into one side of a thick flat round stone with a smiley face on it. Standing while handing it to me, he chuckled under his thick grizzled beard and said “sounds like you need to finish this before we head out”.
We both looked back at Becky standing on the porch of the double wide trailer, she was wearing a yellow sundress with a pair of muck boots and her long black Italian hair frolicking in the breeze. I waved goodbye and jumped in the shotgun seat, Tony held a last minute conversation like lovers do before a period of time passes that they might not know that the other is ok. Sliding the key into the ignition and turned it start, pushed the clutch, we slowly rolled down the wash board drive way as he put it in gear and popped the clutch, the motor sprang to life. The tree’s were blading the evening light rolling by the window with Waylon whaling away about county life being the best, I could see Anchorage in the distance coming over the ridge. Excitement was building inside, the very air itself was different, so many sights and smells.
He said were gonna pick up Bill on the way, we turned off the main road and drove into an area where all the houses were round. They were mostly dry cabins for renters who work in town but can’t afford and don’t want to live there, Tony and Bill exchanged mountain man greetings with a growling hand shake. Bill exclaimed “Is this the young buck from the flatlands that I’m gonna work with?”, they both laughed as I got out and climbed in the back of the truck for the rest of the ride. I asked Tony if we could stop somewhere and get some grub and Bill reached in his backpack and pulled out a baggie of venison jerky that I finished off riding thru town to get to the docks.
As we walked up to the front of the monkey wharf bar, lights with several colors shined out of the windows over the top of the long fishing dock rain roof above the doors. The lower windows were blacked out, some patrons were gathered around one end outside with a column of sweet Cheba smoke rolling into the sky. I was looking it that direction, thinking about joining… tony put his massive hand on my shoulder to turn me toward the door as he opened it. Thundering music, yelling, drunken laughter of men and woman blasted me in the face, stepping across the threshold the very first thing that made me draw back was a monkey in a cage masturbating as it started to howl, while looking directly at me. I looked away only to find there were other cages with monkey’s.
Tony and Bill were leading me thru the crowded room to another smaller room where people were definitely smoking the same stuff Tony lite up earlier. We sat down at a old wooden round top with wire spool chairs, they rolled up three J’s as I was looking around the room. A tall women with one leg and a crunch was looking in from the doorway surveying the room, she made a meh face and moved back into the main room. I could hear the monkeys screaming, glass breaking, men and women going at each other with cut downs for turn on’s. Tony tapped me on the should, handing me a scooby doobie, I asked him about the women with one leg.
After lighting up the spicy fruit wonderland, he told me that Sally had come to Alaska years ago to work on a trawler, there was an accident and her leg was crushed so they had to amputate. I couldn’t tell which was blowing my mind more, her story or the cloud of smoke around me. Then it took a darker turn, she couldn’t get a job and started selling her affections, becoming the one leg hooker. Tony stood up and said “wanna talk to her?”, while snuffing his joint. Bill stayed to talk to another guy, we made our way thru the crowd to a wall of people cheering as a half naked waitress went sliding by with everyone pouring beer on her and the floor. Another one and another as everyone cheered, a naked man tried to run after them and fell on his face, splitting his forehead with a turn your head sickening thud. Bartenders wrapped his head in a towel and duct tape, the monkey’s and people all went crazy in unison as the smell of blood filled the air.
I walked up to the bar after losing track of Tony and asked for a beer, the bar maid turned around, grabbed a rope and started pulling. A metal basket with crude stick welding burns all around came up from below, water was still falling off. I thought it was really cool the way they keep the beer cold using Mother Nature. Turning to look around, standing close behind me, was a tall, blonde, green eyed, woman in her mid thirties who definitely knew how to apply make-up. Hey there, as I tipped my beer to her, she said “Hello Stranger, just get into town?”, she started giggling and reached out to take my hand while turning on a crutch to lead me into walking with her.
Tony was sitting at the table smiling so hard that his mustache hair was standing straight out, he burst into laughter as we approached. She sat in the chair next him and everyone at the table was laughing looking at each other. Good to see you met my sister, Tony exclaimed, The One leg Hooker! Turns out, she was the best in the whole family at fishing also know as a Hooker. We laughed and sang along to country songs, having the time of my life smoking a legendary strain of cannabis.
All around me bees buzzing in a hive, the noise gathered in song with a knocking of knuckles on a hollow wood door. A voice from the distance in the darkness speaks, rise and shine we are leaving for Fairbanks in a hour. Opening one eye, fluorescent light flooded in from the unknown room. Electrical ballast hum filled the air as the scent of plant’s became clear, sitting up on the cot and rubbing my face… another knock, I’m up! Tony slowly opened the door to say hello and check on me, he asked if I needed breakfast before we leave. Sounds great, what are we having? Eggs, waffles and fried bologna was his response, a breakfast fit for the kodiak bear. He stepped into the room and approached a table along the wall with three phototrons and opened the doors to expose the incredible plant’s inside. Checking soil and looking over the leaves, I stood up and sat back down immediately with the room spinning and thunder in my belly. I looked up at Tony, he laughed and asked if I was going to be alright. Yeah I need a minute, alcohol and I don’t get along… there was a huge octagon box in the middle of the room made from half inch plywood, unlatching the top, light beamed out of the four foot high homemade grow box with eight plant’s inside. Standing again I looked inside of paradise grown, giving a weak smile, Becky yelled breakfast was ready and we made our way to the table.
Good morning bear paw, they both laughed hard, a puzzled look overtakes my face as Tony tells me about how I knocked out a guy that was bothering his sister by slapping him one time. Memory of the event wasn’t present for me so I chuckled and got tucked in. The food was good but tasted different, the air and water even the sunlight were all new smells and feelings. The silence was broken by Tony reminding me that I had to call home when we get to Fairbanks. Nodding in agreement I heard motors roaring up the driveway to the house, Tony left the table and went out the front door yelling back to Becky that the fuel truck should arrive soon. Getting up from the table I noticed a black leather jacket with kidney belt hanging on the back of the chair, go ahead, try it on… Becky said smiling ear to ear. Slipping my arms down the flannel lining and snugging it against the back of my neck after pulling my hair out over the collar. Thank you Aunt Becky, fell from my completely surprised mouth. It was comforting to my body and soul, another yell from Tony “hey bear paw, get your ass out here.”. I walked out the door to meet the riders, six beat up bikes and a rusty van were waiting outside. They were all looking at me, still blinded by muted sunlight, I heard, holy shit, it’s a Kodiak Bear… laughing along with the crowd I joined the group to find out several of them served with my Dad and they knew many things about me that made me feel awkward because I didn’t know anything about them. Thank you for the armor as I pulled the jacket closed and zipped it up, Tony motioned to van, he opened the doors to show me a nineteen seventy seven triumph that my father gave to him when he was leaving Alaska in nineteen eighty three. I got misty eyed when it started up first try, driving down the hill to the road and stopped. My brain was racing faster than my heart, revving the motor, gathering my courage, slowly releasing the clutch… a air horn blasted me out of my frame of mind, the bike jerk stalled, looking directly at a truck wanting access to the driveway, I shivered. A fuel hauler moved up the hill as I pulled out onto the road for my first legacy ride.
Hair flowing with the wind, trees sliding by, it was glorious until a huge bug hit me in the cheek and loss of control followed as I laid the bike down along the shoulder drop off and rolled into a ditch. Pulling my self up to check for injuries a swarm of mosquitoes bigger than I’d seen before gathered around me. Swatting and running from the blood suckers, I grabbed the bike and kept going for a jump on western ride away. Returning to the house I told them what happened as they finished loading plants into the van. We laughed and talked for awhile about other hazards here, the list was long.
After loading my bike into Tony’s truck, Becky and Her cousin left in the van with motorcycles ahead and behind. We went inside and sat on the couch rolling some Maui Waui joints for the journey. Grabbing the packed lunches and headed out to the highway going North, the mountains to the right views were impressive as we passed thru a couple small towns, stopping for gas along the way before approaching the Denali state park. The mountain grew bigger ahead as elevation of the road climbed, ears popping, he told me stories along the way that I only half listened to, my mind was being saturated with so many things at once. Waking up in a new place thrills my thoughts, quickening my pulse with sights and sounds. We had been driving about two and half hours with more highway ahead. Stopped at a roadside viewing area to smoke and stretch, walking the edge he flipped the zippo open with a snap, sparking it to life in the same motion putting lit to a spliff. He took several hits before passing it to me, then wondered over to a bench, laying down like nap time with a arm over his eyes. I took deep hits and stared at the mountains for awhile, some tourist showed up taking pictures so we moved along. Three hundred and forty miles and several smoke breaks later, we arrived at a house miles off the main road that was a modern ranch two story log cabin. There were 4x4’s, trucks of every size, motorcycles, people everywhere, a band was playing from the top of a RV while drunken figures danced around a massive bon fire singing along with the music. Tony turned off the truck and grabbed me at the shoulder for attention locking in a steel gaze, he spoke in a low serious tone… when you meet Blue, don’t stare at his balls.
He open his door and exiting while maintaining eye contact, speechless, I was trapped in a thought loop, trying to figure out what was just said. He started walking toward the house, jumping out I ran to catch up just in time to be introduced to friends of the family and locals here for the party. There was more smoke coming from the crowd of people than from the fire, I sampled several different joints that were offered and none were the same. Kegs of beer lined the porch on both sides with thick smoke rolling out the top of the open front door, as we set foot on the first step a ominous figure filled the frame of the doorway. Reaching the porch a deep voice boomed out, damn boy you look exactly like your father, stepping out of shadows I noticed his balls were hanging out of a hole cut in his pants. He reached out to biker shake and pulled me close, you aren’t eyeing my balls are you? His eye’s were fire red, penetrating my soul, testing me, looking for me to look away… I did notice they are larger than mine. Tony and Blue burst into laughter along with others close by. Come on in you got a phone call to make… I followed Blue upstairs while Tony was talking to some friends, walking along the railing over looking the living room I could see only couches and chairs with people laughing, talking, yelling, Blue tapped me on the shoulder and we entered a huge room and a large cherry oak desk, ornate carvings and stacks of papers, folders, filing cabinets, multiple type writers, a fax machine and three phones.
He sat behind the desk and offered a seat to me, dialing the phone, he put it on speaker as the phone rang several times. Hello? I made it to Blue’s house, he’s here too. Thanks for calling, was started to get worried, are you doing OK? I told him about the motorcycle and the jacket, how good it was to see Tony again and then Blue talked to him for a few minute’s. In our good bye’s I promised to call when I get set up in Anchorage, hanging up the phone Blue looked at me and said “let’s go enjoy the harvest celebration!”.
Hours later, reclined by the bon fire reduced to embers… stars filled the sky as a green meteor streaked thru in a second. Adrift in the Milky Way, consciousness fading out, dreams slipped in and took me away to the future from the present.
anywho he pulled me over …i had a empty marlboro box in my jacket pocket …the cop knew me and cuffed and stuffed me …then he went back to my van and did a very thuro search took him a few minuets … while he was doing that some how and i dont know how to this day cuffs behind my back i was able to get in my jacket pocket and get ba bud of weed out and 1/5 of toot i stuffed the weed back between the seat and ate the toot paper and all. he wanterd me to do the alfabet that awsnt happening as i was numb from my lips to my stomasch by that time when we got back to the station …mind you thia is a small town and no one was there at that time of night except the dispatcher. he searched me when we got to the station. all i ahd was the marlboro box with a rolled up $1 bill and a single edge razor blade. he asked why i had these items i told him well… ya know ya get drunk and roll up a bil blah blah blah. he made me blow a breathalizer and it came up like .01 or .02 well below anything . then he said “i thouhht you said you wer drinking tomight” i said yeah i had a nice ice cold henieken at around 6 last night with dinner 
