A lil story to help you keep your head up

[harveest]

so when I was 16, my friends and I would take cough syrup in pill form quite often, and lots of pills at that. like 30 of them at a time, many days we woke up and that’s the first thing we ate. we thought it was harmless really (to an extent)

we were smoking weed on top of doing this, sometimes drinking on em too if we had the chance.

well right around that time frame is also when k2 was out, jwh 018 or whatever etc. I was living in Michigan and all my friends were smoking k2 as well and I got peer pressured into it all too. it got me mega high almost uncomfortable but I was like well yeah this is normal not really but hey its okay for me. I was smoking the shit with my friends often after school etc. everyone was fine right?

one night I was tripping off cough medicine in pill form, and I asked my friend if he wanted to smoke some k2. we both took a couple rips.

well immediately after I took my rips, my body like started to tighten up and I fell to the floor in a wretching position. my hands curled up like I was having a seizure etc. well let me tell you guys what happened. I was fully conscious during all of this, my eye sight went away, and my body felt like there was electricity running throughout everywhere with a menacing urching feeling. my reality turned completely empty, nothing but darkness and a chat box. aim messenger to be exact. I was hallucinating one would say I suppose. I started messaging my twin brother and saying how I was dying and needed his help. I was desperate for a reply from him in this specific moment in my life. the whole experience wasn’t this random ass aim chat thing either. my reality was dimming out, I could feel that I was on the verge of death.

my life wasn’t perfect, I was broken at this time while using drugs to cope. I tried convincing myself I was just gettin high ya know. nah I was abusing drugs. unknown synthetic shit at that.

the feeling I had through this whole experience that lasted an hour to two was indescribable. it tortured me and still does to this day.

I was heart broken, and had family issues. in a moment of it all I didn’t care if I died. that’s how hurt I was. in my brain I kept telling myself “you’re about to die you’re about to die” over and over again while it felt like someone poured mental hell acid into my soul. I seriously cannot explain the feeling I had.

I’m glad I’m alive now, married and trying my best. if you’re ever going through some shit, hold on because you only live once and make healthy decisions guys. weed is okay.

somewhere before this experience, I had a similar episode where I was almost unconscious from the k2. these random ppl I was hanging out with handed me a bowl of weed and it put me back into a normal high. it saved me. I was still very high and couldn’t see too much. they handed me another bowl of k2 and I was almost dying again. don’t know why I didn’t learn from this. the next time I sure did.

one of those people is in prison too now. deserved.
they were laughin from what I was going through.

keep your heads up guys.

[CADMAN]

Somebody loves you @harveest & God does too brother Stay strong & safe! Find happiness in the small gestures in life that give you reason to keep waking up! Enjoy the present, because that’s exactly what everyday is, A present

[harveest]

as I read this over again im cryin. it for real destroyed me.

thank you @cadman

I push forward everyday and live for my lover

[harveest]

oh and I live for beef jerky, if I can afford it lmao

[Tappy]

Thanks for sharing this difficult experience. Sounds like a rough time. We all live and learn. Glad you’re finding peace!

[harveest]

I lit my wife’s first cigarette when I was 17, hell yeah I’m cool lol

met back up like 11 years later. been together for almost 2 years.

things look up, I never really chased her either back then. I wish I would have. she gave me a random hug in high school one day too. I was sitting alone and she walked up to me and asked me for a hug. that moment stuck with me in my life but didn’t think much about it at the time. love can hit you in the face and you don’t even know it

[Weednerd.Anthony]

I just got through some of my toughest struggles in my life and am finally back on the upswing in many ways mentally physically and all in between.

OG helped me greatly to see how much kindness from others and living simply matters to me and how I feel happiest when I share happy moments and things with others.

I understand exactly what you mean about pain making you not care if you live or die I was there at points abusing opioids and many other things from pills to coke to Xanax so I know what you’re saying and I am very glad to hear you are feeling better now brother.

Anyone going through hell, keep going.

You’ll make it and don’t forget about our lovely community and all the love passed around here regularly!

[harveest]

in the moment where I didn’t care if I died, somewhere in that time I told myself dude you don’t wanna die you cant.

I tried so fucking hard to fight it off.

it was hell, if hell had a feeling, that was it.

[breadwinner]

Coricidin cough and cold. It’s like 95% dxm. It’s awful, awful stuff. I’m glad you made it through buddy. Some guys I used to know really went to town on that stuff, and are forever changed.

[CADMAN]

I understand, I married my high school best friend, many years after high-school and us both having many terrible relationships. It’s been 18yrs we have been together and we laugh as much as we did together in high-school.

Laughter is medicine that’s good for the soul!

[CADMAN]

@harveest

as I read this over again im cryin. it for real destroyed me.

thank you @cadman

Someone had to set ya straight

[harveest]

for years I believe the k2 made me paranoid as shit, don’t think it was placebo, especially when I’d smoke weed, always would think I’m dyin. but not anymore at all.

my little brain will ruin my day if at all lol but it’s always done that so w.e

[harveest]

my dad also taught me how to smoke weed out of a tin foil pipe when I was 16 too, barely. told me it was safe

no wonder I was doin extreme dumb shit lmao

my dad is a douche for that tbh

[Rogue]

Thank you for being here @harveest , I’m happy you made it through!
It’s astounding what abuse the human body can take…
Thank you for your resilience and growth, and for sharing your story.

@harveest

you only live once

This is debatable, I know I’m much happier and at peace accepting the possibility of reincarnation / simultaneous incarnations / parallel realities and timelines, engaging a perspective of infinite life and lives, on this planet and others. But perhaps that’s fodder for another thread.

The point is, choose what feels good and healthy now, it can only benefit you and those around you.

[RainToday]

Thank you for sharing, I’m glad you’re here.

trigger warning, suicidal ideation
I’ve been to dark places too. Connection and caring for others is what warms my soul. Plants are what literally keep me going. In my darkest depressed moments, I could have left all the people behind, but I still knew I wanted to see and smell more flowers. I decided, fuck everyone else’s expectations, I’m here for the flowers.

In my teens I literally had been sitting in my room, thinking about flying home to visit my parents the next day and feeling so bad about myself I wished I could just be dead. And then I got this flash, as though something said to me “fine, if you really want to be dead, then the plane will crash tomorrow. No one will ever feel guilty about your death because it will seem like an accident.”
And so I really thought about it. (Selfishly, no thought about the other folks on the plane. Depression can do that too.) Did I really not want want to live anymore?

And I realized that wasn’t actually true. I was miserable mostly because of how badly I felt I failed to meet other people’s expectations. So I decided that I did want to live, and that I would do it for the flowers, and take the joy I wanted in life, and fuck their expectations they should just be grateful I was still here at all.
People and pets come and go, but I will always have plants.

You know when you’re at the park and you see that really odd looking farm-duck crossbreed swimming with the others, and you’re like, wtf, that is an odd duck. That’s me, and I’m okay with it now. Not all my days are good, but my life is good.

So yeah, I second the motion, keep your head up.

[Rogue]

Paradoxically enough, once you really start caring about yourself you become a nicer person.
So be selfish! Put yourself first!
It’s like what they say in the safety instructions on airplanes; put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others if necessary.
Can’t help anyone when you’re drowning.
Take care of yourself everyone.
You’re worth it.

Once you really love yourself is when you naturally extend that love to others in myriad ways, but not in a martyr like way, which inevitably leads to resentment of self and others.
When you love yourself, you can’t help but feeling good!
And positivity and compassion are contagious.
It just has to be genuine, and how do you know it’s genuine?
When you don’t sacrifice yourself to help others, and simply share the love that you give yourself.

[Magu]

@harveest We all do dumb things (lord knows I have spent a lifetime doing dumb things) but that is how we learn. This lifetime is a school to teach you some lesson that your soul needs. Its not about being “blameless”, it is about trying. I used to wonder how I have survived so long when all my friends have passed on. I have concluded that there is something I still need to learn. So keep moving forward and know that you are where you are supposed to be. @RainToday We have only coresponded a few times but I have read many of your posts and replys. You are so kind and nice to people. You do not need to meet anyones expectations. You are who you are and that is all you need to be. You are a beautiful soul. And the plants and flowers do need you.

[Natea]

Man I went down the K2 hole because my job did random drug tests. I got fully addicted and my organs started to want to shut down. I had to drive over an hour every day to get more. After going to the emergency room again, I had to quit, and eventually did. If I didn’t, I would be dead, I am certain. Nothing but cannabis for me forever now lol. It is like a warm inviting blanket for my soul lol

[harveest]

glad you made it out man…years later I watched videos of people convulsing off the shit. scared the shit outta me on how I must have looked during the episodes of me almost dying.

chasing different highs isn’t good.

stick to weed not even alcohol fuck that shit

[harveest]

people find a reason to feel good about themselves when they try and set expectations for someone else, viewing them in a lesser bubble while acting like they’re better, believe me I know them kind of people. my family is the same.

my dad always douched on me for not having my life together, remember this is the same guy that said I could grow lemon kush if I put a lemon peel in the soil.

dead serious