This is Joe…he’s been my brother from another for 31 yrs. He suffered from deep depression which was caused by the death of his wife…he ended up becoming hooked on meth and heroin on top of the depression and today he took his last ride. I took this picture of him during our many conversations…but this day it was like i could hear his thoughts contemplating suicide, and so many times he would sit just like in this pic and zone out, i would have to snap him out of his thoughts, cause I could see his thoughts was taking him somewhere that wasn’t good…God knows I’ve tried to get him out of the prison he made for himself…so many attempts to lift his spirits but I failed my brother. What I did didn’t work…and now I have to tell his goddaughter her 2nd dad is gone. The point of this is that a good majority of us knows someone suffering from either mental health issues, drug addiction or both…if they tell u they’re okay they’re lying to you…If u care then don’t let up on getting them the help they need. I backed off like he asked and this happed. I dropped the ball by giving him space. I dropped the ball by not being his distraction. Ppl tell me there was nothing i could’ve done…and I disagree whole-heartedly. I could’ve been the distraction he needed like he was for me when i needed it. I failed him. I failed his mother. I made a oath to her that I’d always have his back from the 1st time we got locked up together for fighting racists dudes that called him a ni**er lover-(sorry for reminiscing) …and im scared to face her. Please if u know someone in this state…
Don’t leave them alone!
RIP brother…
…The goal was to show u there’s life after tragedy. U told me that after I lost 7 siblings and both of my parents. U said we’re built Ford tough bro…but i failed u as a brother…I couldn’t save u like u saved me and I’m sorry man please forgive me bro.
I suffer from depression pretty hard. There is nothing that you could have done to stop it if he made that choice. If you think for a second any of this is on you, your wrong. Once that decision is made no one can change your mind. I have been hospitalized for attempted suicide and I can 100% say I’ve had those feelings.
Please take this kindly. I mean no offense in any manner.
I’m extremely sorry for your loss…addiction and mental health are complicated subjects that we all need to know more about and start figuring things out…
Your last couple sentences got to me… I once had my best friend in the world play his last chord without so much as a reason or rhyme to anyone and I’ve been haunted for years, don’t let it do that to you…there are too many what ifs we’ll never know the answer to, we’ll just have to wait to see them again in the next one.
For everyone else that sees this and might be on that edge right now, it doesn’t fix anything for anyone… A permanent solution to some temporary problems… Talk to someone. Noone is gonna make you feel less for something like that.
So true.
I’m sorry for your loss.
No offense taken.
I guess I got on his nerves constantly asking…“bro, u good?” or shrug him to bring him back from inside his head…“like bro snap out of it” or “what’s up? Talk to me bro”…I think I might of backed him in a corner by being overbearing or over protective…but it kept him from thinking his thoughts-which weren’t good but I gave him the space he asked…I thought i was being respectful I didn’t want to violate our friendship by crossing any lines knowing his mental state was unstable I can’t imagine loosing my wife and I wish I could’ve empathized more…I didn’t understand his pain, maybe he needed someone that’s been through it. Maybe he wouldn’t of felt like he was alone.
Nope nope nope. Lose those now. It isn’t your fault. You can’t think like that… right now you need to think about the memories of all the good times and talk to him a bit… Tell him all the things you’re feeling and what you want him to hear. Listen to some music that reminds you of him and have a good cry.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to any of us just to talk.
For reall
@Hashton_Kusha im free to chat on disc or where ever. Hell dm me and ill get you my phone number if you think it can help im all about it.
@Hashton_Kusha So sorry about Joe, may he rest in Peace. I recently suffered the loss of a most loved one, under different cirumstances, and I can feel your pain through your words. Your love of Joe is so strong, you take care of your own mental health, during this difficult time. I am fortunate to have a tight loving family for support, but as a man…sometimes there’s just no one to turn to. Whether it be pride or misdguided love, we have a way of blaming ourselves, it is all “our fault” and we “could have stopped this” is how we think. It is confusing and without some help, a lot of us can’t make sense of it or even survive it. People at large do not understand mental health problems very well, and the system here is just words and drugs. Hold your daughter tight and tell her how much you loved Joe. Thanks for posting mate, that takes bravery.
I think I’ll be fine more-or-less…it can’t be much worse than loosing 6 biological brothers and a sister…and both parents b4 I turned 35, But I got thru that, this is not about me. I just needed to share this, maybe there’s one of us that’s “backing off” from someone close to us suffering from this. Maybe it’ll remind them to pick up the phone like…“let me check on so & so” or hop in the wheel and pull up on them…“like hey bro/sis what’s going on…let’s go do some shit”- anything!
BE THE DISTRACTION TO THEIR DEPRESSION
RIP Joe.
@Hashton_Kusha know that you tried to break through and help. You did what you could, and Joe knows that. You and yours in our thoughts here…
Thanks bro.
THERE IS N-O-T-H-I-N-G YOU COULD HAVE DONE TO CHANGE THE TRAGIC OUTCOME!!! Yes, I’m shouting, only to drive the point home. Too many variables existed, many you were totally unaware of, believe me. Trained as a Mental Health Technician, understand there are many unseen/unspoken motivations that can/do trigger suicide. I lost my almost Twin Sister (only 10 months my senior!!) in 1980. Couldn’t have seen it coming if I had been right there in an adjacent room. DO NOT “beat yourself up”, it’s not something that can be understood. Just know, they had to have been in a very “dark place” for that to be their choice of a viable option. Treasure all the good that was your relationship. I won’t get into the religiosity, just know they’re at peace, free from whatever they interpreted as “demons”. I wish you ALL the strength you can muster in adjusting, sincere hope you can offer solace and compassion to the surviving family members. It won’t magically disappear, but, in time you can process it better. Loss of a friend is NEVER easy, it’s a Load Life places upon us. In these trying times, take care, stay safe, and as much as is possible, be well…mister 
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Thank you I’ll try not to beat myself up about this, but it’s hard not feeling I could’ve done something though…but I get it.
I suffered from extreme trauma for years. when I say suffered, I’m talking deep painful suffering that went on for years. Isolation and Major Depressive disorder aren’t disorders one can just snap out of. Even if they get clean. I suffered from suicidal ideation for years. Every time I main lined Meth or Heroin and sometimes together. I was trying to make the pain stop. Your right on not giving up on someone you love or anyone. I got lucky. After a decade I found hope and it wasn’t found by anyone else. Give yourself a break and let it go. Write your feelings down and tape them to a balloon or drop the note in a campfire and Let It Go. Peace.
from personal experience overcoming suicidal and endangering behaviors as well as still battling manic depression. it is not a matter if being distracted by something or someone else. you cant be there 24/7 and even if you were there, that would not have changed things.
heart goes to him, his family and yourself. it is tough.
Well I kinda get it & I don’t…like what did he do to help me turn around or was the power to do it in me the whole time?
a lot of people tried to help me specially on my darkest, none of them could really. thats not to say their support didnt matter, of course it did and yours surely did as well.
where the “power” or “strength” comes in the end? different situations and different people, like mrbee said above, too many variables involved (not all weight the same either) and that is why ONE variable, cant blame itself.
The question now is do you have someone you can talk through what you are experiencing?
RIP, im very sorry for your lost. Also lost my best friend 3 years ago and I think about him all the time. So i know some of the thoughts and feeling you got atm. When someone passes its very very common to start feel guilty, you feel like you could have done more or what ever. But you couldnt, you did everything you could for him and try not to beat yourself up about it. Im sure he dont what you to be sad and im sure he want you to continue to try getting by without beating yourself up.
I think you should visit his mother, she will probably be very happy to see and talk to you about this trauma, even though you made a promise. Talking to others who also knew your bro well is the key to get over a loss.
Stay strong and take real good care of yourself.
Pz out 
