How does one start over?

Smoker's Lounge
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2 years after my divorce, where she got everything including my grow stuff, im having a hard time moving on from my anger. She is the mother of my two amazing daughters, both in college now one at Illinois state and one on a full ride at BU for molecular biology (who’s child are you lol)

Anyways, nothing has helped me move on from that betrayal and its eating me away from the inside out. I pray, but I’m not religious. I scream sometimes. I have not spoken to my kids for years, and it’s killing me. I use alcohol to help, but now I have cirrhosis of the liver. I have a hard time wondering what to live for.

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Quit drinking
Talk to your kids
Figure out a way to be civil with your ex.

That’s all I’ve got. It takes time.

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One step at a time. Gardening is therapeutic, if you love it try to set up a small tent or outdoor grow, and build from there.

I’ll send you some seeds if it will help you get back on your feet

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This seems like theres more than the original question.

In the end you only really have control over your own conduct, no matter what others may do to you.

I mean if you want advice. I’d say swap out the liquor for some reefer. Your liver and soul will thank you.

Sorry things are rough.

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The human brain tends to focus on the bad. We ponder the bad things far too much. It is hard but there is a whole big beautiful world to live for. Find something small to focus on, a bird, a squirrel, a tree. Stop and take in the beauty. One thought at a time bud, that’s all we got, hope you can get your focus pointed in the right direction. Best of luck. Always here to chat if you want :v:

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I’ve tried. Im wounded. I want easy solutions, but there are none. Time may cure all ills, but it can’t take away my loss of these years in my girls life. I miss them so much and they won’t talk to me. I can’t comprehend what I did to make them hate me so much.

How do you describe the pain and anger of divorce without going through it yourself?

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Take on a small project and do it 100%. Something that is challenging but achievable. Maybe something related to growing, but could be anything that will give you a sense of pride once completed. Then keep going from there. And if you can, give up the alcohol. Make friends here and people will help you get through it.

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The theft of possibility.

Small actions will maybe make some headway with the kids. Don’t expect it all at once.

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I got divorced years ago and lost everything.
I realized later it’s just stuff. The kids wouldnt talk to me either. Found out later the ex was telling them things that turned them on me. ( not saying that’s what has happened to you)
It took some time and work to get them back.
I’ve been married now for 10 years. Happiest I’ve ever been.
I’ll tell you. Let the alcohol go. I did that.
You will never make any progress with that poison.
Grow something, anything. Meet someone.
Good luck to you. I’ve been there and I know how you feel.

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Do what ever it takes to not only slow down but stop the alcohol In take , start with a small goal, like say “i won’t drink at all this week” rather than
Going for the month right off the bat.

And if that means doubling or tripling your cannabis intake , do it

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I dedicated my whole life to her ministry (methodist pastor) and got rewarded with this? I am still so angry at her judicial move because of her standing in the community. Furious I tell you. Murderous even.

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But I keep my emotions in check

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Even if it’s just some mint or basil on the windowsill. Flowers!
Make seeds.
Research permaculture and regenerative agriculture, that’s something worth living for.
To know how to turn deserts into fertile soil and food forests, that’s what the world needs.
And it’s perfectly possible!!!
You can dedicate your life to making sure your kids and their kids will be able to eat healthy organic food because our soil world wide is going down the toilet, and you can help turn that around.
Prices of everything going up and people will seek you out for your knowledge, because there is nothing more efficient than nature itself.
Let nature be your church, for it has created us and sustains us.
It’s always here, right under our feet.
Go to a forest. Sit by a creek.
Then say: “Show me what I need to know.”
Create space for the answer to arrive, become very quiet inside.
And let the answer speak to you.

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I’m wondering if you have access to better qualified mental health and substance abuse professionals than you might find on a weed growing forum…

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Yeah, in in therapy once a week. But that can’t replace the years of folks experience.

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Grief is a process. Don’t try to keep your emotions in check; keep your actions in check. You need to grieve, and anger is part of it. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, feel whatever you need to feel.

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It will lessen, hopefully a lot, but probably never go away, has been my experience.

She wasn’t a wife yet (thankfully!) & she gave me a nervous breakdown in 2007.

For 9 months I just chain-smoked & drank coffee at a grow house in the sticks.

Fast forward 5 years & I had a “moment” watching TV (:man_facepalming: ) but it changed my feeling about it enough to begin moving forward, not re-hashing every what-if question.

It was a private detective reality show & a guy hires him because his wife goes missing.

PD checks on wife’s ex-boyfriend at work, he’s MIA.

PD starts checking around, visits the wife’s mother, notices she has a suitcase & tickets by the door. Notes date/time & it’s soon.

Husband of missing wife’s bank accounts drained of 100K+ next day.

PD finds “missing” wife, mother-in-law, & ex-BF at the airport almost ready to board.

And after shaking my head for an hour I realized “it wasn’t me”

So @Smokinrav hang in there, avoid bars, & just stay busy/distracted.

My bitterness & hate haven’t disappeared after 15 years but they don’t interfere much at all anymore. Sometimes I can even laugh at it.

Go to some different Alcoholics Anonymous meetings & find one that you feel OK at. It helped my mom sober up & stay sober for the last 20 years of her life. She made several very good friends there & only made it to the 3rd of 12 steps in their program :woman_shrugging: but was sober & healthier.

AA provided a healthy social group. The steps, the “higher power” stuff, that’s helpful for some I guess, but I attribute it to the people. :pensive: Learn to demonize anything that harms you.

:v:

:evergreen_tree:

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We all fall down. The best thing is to get up. Hard subject to talk about. I hope for the best.

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Can’t relate to a divorce but if you replace the negative coping mechanisms with positive ones you will turn around. Takes time & patience but you can do it.

Take the money you spend on alcohol and spend it on therapy.

Acknowledge the negative thought patterns, learn to recognize them, and force yourself to do something positive in those moments. Walking, meditating, gardening, drink water, start small.

Track your daily wins, everytime you do something good write it down, no matter how small and refer back to that paper when you’re struggling.

Look into CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) - it’s amazing. Therapists will help you with it but you can do a lot on your own

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‘One day at a time’ is a cliche but its the absolute truth. There’s only today, and that’s the day we focus on. Having a bad day? Press the reset button. Today is all we have. The past and the future can really get us down. But we can have a few good minutes, a couple peaceful hours, a nice afternoon. Just today, it’s all we need to get through! It doesn’t have to be the best day ever. The more we focus on today, the better our days get.

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