Somebody had better clean up that broken glass because it isn’t going to be me 
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Those type of days remind me of a limp Bizkit song… “it’s just one of those days, you don’t wanna wake up. Everything’s fucked. Everybody sucks and you don’t really know why but you wanna justify ripping someone’s head off…” We all have them, but they truly suck. Hope your day gets better!
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I spend an equal amount of time in bed not sleep as sleeping, it’s still better than facing the world sometimes. Nice and dark, weighted blanket, cat comes to see me.
It’s hard to hit that balance of self-soothing and self-indulging though. Over sleep is a real thing, and it makes you think you’re tired lol. It’s good to rest but not mentally healthy to spend all day in bed.
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I have various sleep facilitators with different half lives. Sleeping all day is not good but a “fuck you guys I’m out and will be back at 6 o’clock” is very helpful.
It’s not like I’m going to accomplish anything today anyway so no big deal.
I cleaned. I did it very slowly but I did it.
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I mean yeah, that’s hitting that balance. Don’t be withdrawn socially but let yourself rest.
I know a couple people who sleep 12-16hrs a day. Then wonder why they’re so tired and achey… to be fair that’s more of a teenager thing.
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It’s the end of summer so everybody is out trying to be social RIGHT NOW and I’m not having any of it.
There’s only so many times I can cover the same COVID related ground whether I agree with their stance or not.
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I saw a Quora question “why are some smart people really quiet?”
“Because they learn early on most people really aren’t interested in hearing the truth or what other people think; or they’re tired (or everyone else is tired of) correcting inaccuracies it’s just easier to stay quiet”.
I paraphrased but yeah… I stay quiet because I don’t see the need to talk. People often don’t listen to me, and only half of the people I talk to are willing to listen to an alternative perspective on a given topic… I suspect everyone has at least one but I haven’t found mine yet. I’m always playing devils advocate.
I don’t know if it’s intelligence related or not, but yeah… having the same conversation even a couple times is exhausting for me.
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I’ll let you in on a secret. The way to succeed socially is to make other people feel like you are interested in their opinion and then give them a forum to express it.
Everybody wants to be heard and feel important. And they don’t care about your position either.
Many times I’ve heard someone say something ludicrous about growing and rather than say “that’s wrong for x y and z” I say that’s very interesting have you had good results?
I’m usually good at this. Not today.
Edit - people don’t remember what you say but they do remember how you make them feel.
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Well, he no longer looks confused… seems quite certain of his fate.
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It turned out fine in the end. All the flappo-dino wanted was a friend…
…to feed it’s kids but Waddles (the pig) got rescued.
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I’m depressed that I’ve spent 3 hours in emerg already.
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Ok, what did you do? Hope nothing serious…
Today was a rough one… Dunno why… Decided this evening to re-focus and try to get outta the funk… I aint going back down that hole without kicking and screaming…
Motivation Level = ZERO
sigh…
Tomorrows a new day I s’pose…
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Same. Today was a work from home day. I woke up, checked emails, addressed all my plants, re-checked emails then went back to bed. Woke up to check emails, drive my partner to the subway (so no plague bus), came home and passed out. Woke up again, checked emails again, made more coffee, watched some Trigun, passed out AGAIN.
Just got up with my: 730pm alarm as I need to open up my 4x4 or the temps go into the mid 30’s due to the lack of AC in the basement regardless of the dual exhaust right outdoors I got going on.
My major motivation has been NOT letting my plants die; though all my citrus are in a world of hurt so it’s hard to sit back and know I can only do so much for them 
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I wish I could nap / sleep more. My body says 6hrs is all it needs in 24. Napping in the afternoon just makes me up all night. Early bed means super early rise (9pm bed sucks, not much you can do at 3 am!)
And its humid as f*&k here right now, and that doesn’t help my mood…
Between my pups surgery, the current state of affairs in the world, this goddamned heat and humidity and having my heart strings tugged at then dropped, its just been a rough period. Some days I wonder how many seeds I can smuggle to my island paradise. The weed there absolutely sucks, so I would have to grow my own… Just say fuck it all, sell everything and head to my island. Not close enough to retirement age to do that, but who am I kidding, with my lifestyle I ain’t living that long anyway… Can’t tell you how many times I calculate what I would get from selling “everything”, and figuring out how long I can live on that with the wages I could make working at a dive shop. Border runs every few months, I could travel thru Central America seeing all sorts of cool shit. And to be totally honest… The three months I lived on that island continuously was THE best 3 months of my life. I mean, I felt purposeful, useful, like I was making a difference. I was in my element, educating and socializing with divers from all over the world, every day. I was known for being able to identify things based on really bad descriptions, and divers sought me out. THAT felt good. Getting 25 people to volunteer a sunday morning to go to a beach cleanup FELT GOOD. Sadly, I just feel like I am spinning my wheels here, making no progress and wasting time, energy and emotions on a world that just doesn’t give a fuck… But today the world is a much different place than when I was there last, and shits just not the same anyway. Covid really fucked my dreams up, I was supposed to be permanently on Cozumel by this point in my life, and that fell apart… Had the proverbial carpet ripped out from under me in January of this year, and its been an uphill battle since…
I still get up each day and hope its a brighter day… but its getting old…
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That’s absolutely shattering friend. The only thing that pops to mind is: every hit that I’ve taken, so long as I managed to get back up and keep moving forward I ended up learning something, growing as a person, and got stronger for it.
The issue now, and I feel you may be here with me, is that the sheer number of hits has now reached a point of diminishing returns… and we’re all not getting any younger. So, I feel wiser but it’s harder to get back up. As mentioned I’ve been down most of the day; but when I was able to get up, I made it count.
Even when I took that dump. It was majestic! 
Seriously though I hope you’re able to continue to beat that mat and slowly pull yourself back up on those ropes until you catch your breath and take your next step. 
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Yeah the over analyzing of everything, I think is the most taxing of all. Always coming out most conversation feeling like I put out a pheromone of uneasy awkwardness.
This is a reason why when I do smoke, I smoke alone most of the time.
The story I shared was me mostly saying that the fallout from a suicide, especially if you have kids is just horrible. If you think that you checking out early is better for everyone try again.
I get when your in that space none of that seems to matter. I’ve been there.
Hopefully laws change and I can feel comfortable posting grows on the daily.
I will be popping in and out to check my DMs.
Of all threads this is the one I feel a little guilty about leaving. I’m sure everyone can hold each other up and don’t expect any one person to be responsible for this thread. Now that I think about it it was a little bit much to ask.
I’m going to finish out my current grow and my Forest Candy reversal then that will be it for,… well who knows. Maryland is dragging its feel.
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And sometimes life just loves to test your resolve…
Cracked a f&#*ing tooth today. NOT what I need right now… ugh…
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Hey y’all! Hoping everyone is doing as best as they can.
Here’s an inspirational image of a bunny with a pancake on it’s head for all of us:
Be well! Punch those that deserve it & hug those that don’t.
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I am type 1 biplor and I have been able to get a lot of help by watching the lectures on the Healthy Gamer youtube channel. I don’t care for the interviews at all. I also been practicing Trancendal Meditation that has had a huge impact on dealing with my shit. I can think clearly and access my higher level of thought. But anyways that has had a huge impact and I also take medications. I feel finally I can do something with my life.
https://www.youtube.com/c/HealthyGamerGG
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