There’s a great series of books that may help with some of this.
Specifically:
*Blurb about the book far more articulate than I at this moment:
"Highly sensitive people think deeply, empathize instinctively, and tend to behave in an ethical way that benefits everyone. Today, with the negative effects of “toxic masculinity” and aggressive behavior in evidence all around us, we need highly sensitive people—especially men—more than ever. Yet for men in particular, being highly sensitive brings distinct challenges, such as gender stereotypes that portray them as too emotional or not “manly” enough.
Cognitive behavioral psychotherapist Tom Falkenstein offers the first psychological guide that specifically addresses highly sensitive men and those who care about them, and explores the unique advantages and obstacles they face. Drawing from his training with pioneer in the field Dr. Elaine Aron, and his own groundbreaking work, Falkenstein incorporates the most up-to-date research on high sensitivity—what it is and isn’t—how it relates to male identity, and provides one-of-a-kind advice and practical tools."
Yea it’s been a roller coaster. Less energy etc.
I have so many projects but not excited every day.
I procrastinate cuts and prepping outdoor pots and end up behind. But its hard with a ft job and being alone. Reading the news everyday doesnt help.
Ive stopped watching the globalist degenerate programming on TV like the fox cartoons or wb bad acting super tards for a while now as there is now zero comedy or any point in tv.
I have plans to stabilize and fem triploids but for now working on a tested natural and bap pgr thst works weeks before harvest. Needs a lot of time space research energy prepping cutting watering etc.
Btw self watering systems are just great even if u hobby grow invest a day in setting it up ude be amazed how much time n energy you savenhand watering.
I learned in therapy to acknowledge ALL my feelings and label them and move on. I had a toxic childhood. It’s easy to dwell in that and feel a perpetual victimhood. That doesn’t help after a certain point.
The fact is my mother is a narcissistic bitch but in a covert way so everyone outside the family thinks she is a saint. I know now if I talk to her I’m gonna be depressed for a few days. It’s because of our interactions that always follow the pattern she programmed into me.
It was very refreshing a few years back totally with the guys I hung with in high school and see me the way they saw me and try to reincorporate some of the things that I lost from my personality after meeting my ex wife.
Children raised by narcissistic parents tend to marry narcissistic spouses and I was no exception.
Hearing old friends describe what they saw me go from before my ex to after my ex helped me regain some of what I have lost.
I mourned the thirty lost years but also acknowledge that without that marriage and those year I wouldn’t have my beautiful wonderful daughter. She is my biggest accomplishment and greatest ally.
My current wife wenr through a similar process with her exhubby and is very healing and helpful towards my sanity.
She forces me to rest and recuperate instead of trying to work myself into a stupor of unfeeling robotic flurry of activity.
Listen to happy music per your dog, grow some plants and create…paint, sing, dance dance dance!
Write a journal, write a joke, and lighten your load. It’s not up to you to fix everything, hell it’s really good to know that even working in your perfectionist tendencies can be an imperfect effort!
I might have to check that book out. Being a highly sensitive male with no real father figure things can feel a little emotionally confusing.
I’m sorry to hear that about your mom @Trowertripper . My mom has done so much for me. Shit was crazy tho when I was younger. She had me when she was 14. She didn’t know what she was doing. Being the oldest of 6 there is a big difference in how the first 3 of us where raised compared to the last 3.
I love that you made this thread. This community is f-in bad ass. We can talk about depression here too, hell yeah. Holding it down for the people, my man. I been deep in the throws at different points myself; very grateful to be in a decent place atm, all things considered. Talk about what ails you, it can help, things can change. That doesnt always solve everything, some pains will never go away, but the daily impacts can be mitigated, little by little. I believe our culture vastly undervalues the significance of depression and general health. Thank you for helping to normalize this kind of discussion. Be well.
After I made it I just went to sleep for a while. Got up and was feeling like a cry baby. I was going to delete it then saw that it blew up. Well as much as it can on here. Yeah this is a great place. If it wasn’t for OG I can’t imagine what I would be doing with my time. It’s a nice distraction.
Good point, I sometimes have to basically force myself to eat at times. Hard emotions destroy my appetite. Ahh the blessed herb, works wonders in this situation, for me.
“The fact is my mother is a narcissistic bitch” <— THIS.
My mother, whom i do love, is a narcissist and control freak. Growing up she was an elementary school teacher, vice principal and principal on top of being an administrator. So, she treats everyone in the family as if we are children and are to do what we are told. She also gaslights non-stop without knowing it. I left the house one day after she told me sister “You don’t look fat today, have you been eating healthier?” when she actually meant “You look nice.” but that didn’t translate.
Anytime I say anything that isn’t in her view she talks out of place, makes up stories, and then when gets called on all of it she then starts to yell at my father for not coming to her defence. It took me doing this for decades and him married to her for 52 years before he finally said to her face: “Why? He’s right.” Broke my heart when I realized it took this long for him to defend himself…
I cry openly now to show my strength. Freaks people out when i’m driving though… reminds me of the scene in “Joker” when he’s on the subway and has the cards to explain his nerve condition.
I first heard this quote when Tony Robbins interviewed the 90-something year old John Wooden (the most winning coach of all time). When you truly understand what he’s saying, this is such a deep quote.
The sick part about it is I find comfort in being certain kinds of sad. But sometimes it can get to be a little too much.
That quote make a lot of sense @DannyTerpintine . Trying to find balance is the key.
I don’t find that sick at all. I find comfort in connecting w my sadness at times too. It’s when I try to ignore and push away my sadness that it usually comes back at me 10 fold.
Good to know ones limits, at the same time. That’s when it’s time for sensi
@Pigeonman
I have read that quote before. It reminds me of some things Harlan Ellison said in his biography.
I think Cody Canada said “You’re always seventeen in your home town”
My home town is a true shit hole of a place where the only way to get ahead was to be either a nasty hypocrite pedophile, drunk, gambler, addict or closet homosexual…or to hold the goods in someone who was.
They’re all racist back ass rednecks who are so wrapped up in their grievances they can’t see what they are doing to themselves or their kids.
I’m not depressed today!! Ha! I suffered last friday, Saturday, sunday, and monday… my doctor forgot to call my meds in again. Well I was about to croke. I almost shit myself I was so close then got my meds. That was close. After I survived that my mood heightened.
Nobody have to suffer that.
Depression is sucks.
Lets have fun , lets live good thungs.
I already have depression and today i live like the giants , good enough.
I’ve been playing with the idea of going back to therapy and getting back on the anti depressants. The last time just wasn’t that great of an experience. I get the feeling they always think there might be some underlining issues that if I talked about them it might help. Sometimes talking helps for some. Most times I just want the Prozac and go about my life instead of digging up crap from the past I have no control over.
