I got an email the other day reminding me that I’m an Ordained Minister with the Universal Life Church.
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I think it cost me $40 and was two hours of VERY intense training.
First I would have to have a life……. Not going to happen any time soon!
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I’m sorry but I’m not trained as a life-getting coach. 
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I’m also certified for teaching English as a foreign language but that’s a much more complicated story.
Anybody need to learn English? Is it foolish of me to ask this in English?
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(I got divorced quit my job and sold my house and I needed to do something or I was going to completely lose my mind and I didn’t feel I had the staying power to get a masters).
But I think my experience qualifies me for an honorary certificate in gardening from, at least, somewhere. I will send an email to the university of Phoenix and plead my case.
I will tell them I don’t even need one of those square hats because I can supply my own. Keep their costs down.
Get the hat.
Use it as a plant pot.
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“Yes I’d like to order 20 of those 5” square hats with the holes in the bottom please”
YOUR WIFE SELLS DRILLS! 
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Ohhh an international degree!
In German it’s a drïll.
YOU’RE A DRILL.
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It was one of my nicknames in high school but not for the reasons you’d think.
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