I was drinking a bottle of vodka a day and smoking 2 packs. Cholesterol 440, BP 150/95, and 186 pounds. I’m only 5 foot 7. The drinking eventually made my anxiety go through the roof and I fought that for years until it got too bad. Went to the hospital one night, got 3 Valium and had to take a cab home at 2 am. I never drank again, after 29 years of daily.
That’s what got me going.
Now, I’m 12 years sober from alcohol, which was all (and everything) I needed. Cholesterol 150, BP 105/68, and 132 lbs. I walk 3 miles a day with a 25 lb. pack.
So I’m back to being too skinny. Haha this time, though (40 years later), I’ll bulk up a bit perhaps and hit my body fat goal of 12%.
Not bad for 57.
I’m a lucky man, though. What I did should’ve killed me. It would’ve killed a lot of people, and it has, with a lot less abuse than I gave myself. I have a 3 mm black dot on one lung. My liver enzymes are perfectly fine – after years of 6 or 7 nights/week of drinking 14+ beers a night.
The best I can figure, I was kept alive for something. So I try to be a good person and I keep my eyes open. If I can get even just one person up and out of their mess, too, it’ll be worth it.
Weed is a part of that. And getting the munchies – and then sitting right the hell in that and staring it in the face. It literally began as a battle of wills, and I won (of course). It’s like how – years after quitting – I’d drive to the grocery store, go to the booze aisle, and take a heavy, cool bottle of vodka (just $19.95( in my hands and hold it. And beat it again. I began to practice the fine art of telling myself I was a fat ass who could live off his own body for month – without shaming myself in the process. I asked myself for an honest answer about whether or not I really, truly needed that 3/4 pound ham and swiss so I could fill out forms all afternoon.
It kind of became a way of mastering myself.
Believe me: after what I’m done to myself, there’s no better feeling than drinking clear, cold water only, hearing my stomach growl, breathing deep, feeling my heart beat and being totally and completely at peace.