Maybe it’s a couple of things depending on how you look at it. Anyway the scenario is this: my wife and I are just finalizing divorce. We have a 4 y/o son together. I never wanted a divorce, we were separated cause she started fucking around on me while I was off working 50-80+ hour weeks at a job I hated to support our household and when I found out I handled it by regressing to an old familiar pattern of behavior in an effort to bury the pain down deep and this only made things worse. Things were said, actions taken by both parties and the divorce kept progressing. She now wants to see if there’s anything still between us and keeps asking me to go out with her while my son is at pre-school. I thought she was just lonely and wanted to hang with a real life person and not just talk to the many folks she talks to online daily, but apparently she was asking me on a date. I still love her and thru everything we have managed to stay cordial and still have a good time when we are together (occasional dinners or picking up/dropping off the kiddo). I wear my heart on my sleeve and have been hurt a number of times in the past. As a matter of fact when we met I was actively not seeking a relationship, I turned down some great women during this time. But she kept at it and we sat and talked for like a good 30 hours at a Starbuck’s over many days before I asked her to chill and play a round of disc golf with me and she just never left my side. I know this is a comfortable relationship and she’s the mother of my child so my feelings there may be a bit skewed. What would you do? Give it a chance and see where it goes? I know I appreciate second chances… there’s also the fact that she did some extremely shitty hurtful things like keeping everything aside from the clothes on my back essentially; house, all my indoor grow equipment, genetics, giant stash of psychedelics(you can see what’s important to me in the way of material possessions eh?) and has used everything I taught her(she never grew shit before she met me) and my/our equipment(I paid for all of it being the only one who ever worked since we met) and is now tight with or made connections with a lot of big name breeders and doing pod casts and testing all kinds of shit for companies and I’m trying really hard not to be a hater here. This really pisses me off. I want to be happy for her, but I am struggling. I mean anything cool she has she shares cuts of if I want em but she’d do that for someone she hardly knew too. She just got the “keys to the kingdom” from GGG, testing some shit for them. Anyway, I’m just looking for some input and feedback on both of these things. What would you do in this relationship scenario and how to not be a hater when I feel being a hater is actually kind of appropriate? Lots of 
, thank y’all in advance 
Sorry for the long original post but needed to get this out there
Man, I’d try again for the kid. Love is not magic dust or potions. It takes work and dedication. It is a choice to some degree I believe.
Worst case you get hurt again. Life goes on. You’ll be alright.
Best case you get a happy family and home for the kid…and yourselves.
Just my .02
Keep your force fields up no matter what.
Friendship and in turn relationships are a TWO WAY STREET, I learned that from Rob’s Gone Wrong (really learned in life but it’s a great movie). I’ve been through the ringer in my 10 year relationship too but we both learned that no matter what we do want to love each other and are willing to do whatever to make things work to grow old together.
Key is we BOTH decided that, not just you, ya know? You ever write in a journal like you have on here? I found it easier to communicate what I needed to that way instead of attempting to fit it all in what were our short times together, you can really get it all out and let her absorb it all on her own time. Bonus points if you can get her to do the same, couples therapy isn’t really all that hard just takes the time and energy and dedication to doing it.
You’re right to be upset in the ways you are cause I’d be upset in those same ways, just reading your post I felt betrayed by this lady but everyone does fucked up shit for a plethora of different reasons. I wouldn’t cut and run without putting some more work in, just in different and purposely directed ways, if that makes sense?
Wish you all the best luck friend
Agree with this too but that doesn’t mean you can’t adjust your walls to the height they need to be at to keep you safe while
It almost sounds like you want to be reassured that not following through with the divorce is the right thing to do, and maybe it is! For me, the cheating would be the end of the relationship. Even if you forgive her and get back together, will you entirely trust her again when you’re gone for long hours or days? More importantly, will she cheat on you again in the future? Chances are pretty good that you will begin to have your doubts about her fidelity in the future, and chances are pretty good that she will cheat on you again.
On a related subject, if you filed for divorce due to her cheating on you, your financial obligations to her (not your son) are going to be greatly minimized or eliminated. However, if you withdraw from the divorce proceedings and stay together as a couple, she can file for divorce from you in the future - and claim it’s due to things related to your behavior or treatment or whatever - and then you’d have a far bigger financial obligation. If she has a divorce attorney, it wouldn’t shock me to learn that she was advised to get back together with you for this purpose.
Sorry if this sounds negative or dire, but looking at it from the outside, it’s how I see it.
In any case, good luck with your decision; it’s gotta be a mind-f*ck!
#2 bonus of journaling/texting your therapy is there’s a paper trail of everything that gets said, like I said, adjust your walls to the height where they keep you safe
You have a difficult either/or decision. Whichever you choose, do it 100%
Forgive, or don’t. No middle ground.
I get the sentiment…but would you have really even given the effort the kid deserves? That’s really my concern here. I don’t have a ton of sympathy for grown adults. Make your choices, make them thoughtfully. We all fk up. All you can do is deal with it and do better.
Not sure I could trust again here either but you’d have to try. Or say peace 
. If I didn’t trust my lady I’d go crazy…she’s one of the only people I trust.
Why would you want to stay with a person who laid with someone else ? The effort it took to deceive you so she could go and cheat. She did things to them that she did to you but probably better and louder. Another man touching her, and your thinking about keeping her. Don’t be a fool !! It happened to me and I would say let her go. Not worth it.
Not keeping.
Beginning a new relationship. Committed to each other. Most people’s wives have a past that involves touching other men in ways we don’t want to think about. But as long as she only wants you touching her now. Shouldn’t that be enough?
Honestly that’s one of the least of my concerns at this point. And I could almost guarantee anything she did with him we did bigger and louder 
our physical relationship was always tops. She has admitted (which I already knew but she wouldn’t acknowledge til recently) that she was going thru a lot at the time post-pardom (sp?)depression of a really severe magnitude. And the guy was a “friend” of ours who had just lost his fiancée to an untimely death as was in most aspects a genuinely good guy who was in a lot of emotion pain. And I was gone working a regular week and being on call at least 50% of the time, getting called out in the evenings and during the night. She now sees the amount of stress I was under being pushed mentally and physically at work to my breaking point and having to take over caring for my son the instant I walked in the door so she didn’t totally lose her shit. The situation could have been handled better on both sides, all around. I didn’t make things any better by then relapsing on heroin after many years clean. As she is also an ex-addict I distanced myself from her cause we certainly didn’t both need to be going down that road again with a child to care for. I moved back in after a short separation but could see rather quickly that I wasn’t ready yet so I moved back out
Thank you to everyone for your input. Just talking these things out and getting honest feedback is the best way for me to process what I’m feeling and thinking. Lots of for everybody here
And sorry y’all, outta likes again
It sounds like there’s wrong on both sides.
I used to drink too much and living with a drunk would be impossible for me. I would break. I can’t say in what way, but I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Being gone all the time, using, doesn’t excuse her behaviour but it does explain it a bit more.
I don’t know what to tell you man. This is a you decision.
And your kid is not a good reason to stay together. An unhappy home is a shitty place.
This, y’all split for a reason. Stay amicable and friendly obviously because ya got a kid, I’m a firm believer that an amicable divorce/separation is a much better example for a child than a bitter marriage.
I agree with that. BUT, if they really both want it to work. And work at it. I’m almost sure it could be done. Why would it have to be a bitter marriage?
I am sorry you had to go through this…
I have no advice to offer except, which ever you chose be strong, life goes on and the future may have some interesting surprises…
I didn’t start using til I figured out what was going on between her and this friend. But I see what you’re saying
And I’m not necessarily looking for an answer, just testing the waters and processing this stuff by hearing a wide array of opinions