Unfortunately I’m one of those unfortunate few that meditation backfires on. I just fall asleep instead of calming my mind as usually the ADHD energy is usually what keeps me moving. Though I will say I always sit with my legs crossed. Learned it in kindergarten and it’s still the most comfortable sitting position possible for me.
I will say that after I put on my daily playlist on Spotify I usually get in a better mood. I’ve been using it since the begining once I could bail on Pandora. Each playlist has somehow become tailored for each of my moods. I might listen to a lot of music I need my music sadly now. After so much music for so long I’m legitimately addicted to music. If I go too long without it I get withdrawal and do anything I can to get some music I like in my ears. Working as a dishwasher was only good for that reason. As long as I could hear everything around me it was okay to listen to SOAD whenever I wanted to since I was out of view. Same with my last job. If they hadn’t docked my hours so low that I could afford to eat enough to keep up with the taskload demanded on me. Once I treated the box crusher like Tetris it became tolerable. Then I had to go out on the floor to clean the store shelves spotless from the nastiest grime and gunk, still crush 4-8 tons of cardboard each day, fix the bottle machines that break down about 5x a day from people recycling full soda cans:roll_eyes:, and clean up the store each hour. All at once while I’m barely keeping up with the minimum 4 tons of cardboard boxes I have to find room for in a 5x3x5 short square/rectangle while moving the entire back room around as they’re rude AF taking up the reserved area for the bales. That alone if I work as fast as possible until I pass out will take about 3 hours. Problem is that made 3 hour shifts. They’d send me home if I worked until exhaustion. Instead I found my pace and got it done in 5 hours having enough energy left to clean up the front end before I pass out and wake up for the next shift. I don’t miss that. Minimum wage part time while working myself to a lower weight than I am now with no job and I had less money than I do now. I had to spend too much money on food just to keep myself awake long enough to finish my shift. When I work manual labor I don’t fuck around. I take advantage of all my energy to push through and finish my shift without stopping more than 15 minutes or so. If I’m part time I get only a 15:roll_eyes:
Bad memories mixed with good😅 that’s life. You can’t learn what you can do best for work until you try it at least once. I’m good at sales, but they still test for THC in Mass. While I’ve passed with flying colors for years with this last 2 years I’m pretty sure I smell oil every time I piss now. That reclaim scent is present and that means I’d fail any test for at least 90 days unless the myth of overloading the capacity is true, then I’d definitely test negative from testing over the cap.
Fuck it man! Go to the doctor for your depression, Get an attorney and file for disability. It will provide enough to subsist on your own. Remove yourself from those living conditions so you alone are responsible for your life decisions. I wish you well.
At least for the moment it’s stable while Daisey is on her last day. Though I’m a little annoyed she has to be in renal failure 2 full days and nights when she was supposed to find peace this morning. I’m happy to have more time with her than I planned, but I just don’t want her in pain.
My mom legit thought she’d die in her sleep from this. Not if I’m keeping her comfortable she won’t. Even before I looked up kidney failure treatment I already did what I had to do to make her feel better.
I gave her a 20mg Prilosec for the nausea, about 5 gallons of water through the day, and I brought her out every 2 hours to make sure she got anything bothering her in her bladder out. By the end of the night she was peeing normal color again and had that big ass grin on her face once I got her to eat some. Coconut oil, peanut butter, and Honey turned out to be what made her appetite come back for a half a bowl of food. It’s coated enough to look greasy. She loves coconut oil and peanut butter straight. Definitely not a texture she doesn’t like. In fact I’d probably think she likes the greasy coating in her throat and mouth I hate and have to wash down with something or I end up breathing in whatever is stuck to my throat. I only just realized it’s actually a fear not a sensory input issue with me. Anything that gives me that choking feeling scares me as I was technically dead for 5 minutes when I was 7 from an asthma attack. That and I’ll never be able to forget the memory of the 30 minutes I was waiting for the ambulance trying to use my nebulizer to no avail before passing out and waking up on a gurney in ambulance. Of course I ask what’s going on and I find out I had to be resuscitated on the way to the hospital after I had apparently died using my nebulizer. I remember up to that point and nothing in between the 2 points. Not even a DMT trip. No memory of what I saw as my brain checked out before revival. Thinking of it my memory went to shit starting around 7 too. Only weed seems to bring back a shred of it, but I keep up my memory tricks always or I can’t remember anything anymore.
Too much wall of text. I’ll pop on my headphones and calm down while walking 5 MPH for 60 minutes. As long as I don’t go past 5 I can keep my vision intact and I won’t pass out from my lower back hating me. I miss walking with a full stride. People comment I’m such a silent walker. Not by choice I want to walk my full speed again. I used to have pride in these legs before my back made it hard to keep them from wasting away with the rest of my body.
My cat had renal failure. It is excruciating. Is there anyway you can take her to the vet and put her down? I hate to say it, but end her suffering. Poor baby. So sorry.
That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have 200 to bring her. My mom is going to help out. Mostly because it’s her name o n Daisey’s paperwork
I’m keeping her heartrate up with THC in place of a pill to do the same thing with side effects.
After the Prilosec yesterday she didn’t puke again since at least.
She had stopped constantly whining, but instead is constantly hyperventilating. I wish it was just her being warm and panting, but she’s breathing through her nose. Mouth closed. I didn’t know dogs could do that. She used to choke if you had to close her mouth shut for some reason. Gasping like she couldn’t breathe. IDK what’s up today, but thought I’d share that odd part of my day😅
1 week late, but my dealer is finally in stock, so I’m grabbing oil. They had it last night in my city with a ride and 20 to bribe the guy with and then they forgot to stop by🙄 now I’m heading 3 cities over only because no one closer has a better price and quality. Other than a dispensary or the people who supply them, but I’m not paying 2x more for the same thing when I also get lab tested oil for 2x less thanks to no brick and mortar fees.
I want to be able to calm this crap in my head down already
I need my music sadly now. After so much music for so long I’m legitimately addicted to music. If I go too long without it I get withdrawal and do anything I can to get some music I like in my ears. Working as a dishwasher was only good for that reason. As long as I could hear everything around me it was okay to listen to SOAD whenever I wanted to since I was out of view. Same with my last job. If they hadn’t docked my hours so low that I could afford to eat enough to keep up with the taskload demanded on me. Once I treated the box crusher like Tetris it became tolerable. Then I had to go out on the floor to clean the store shelves spotless from the nastiest grime and gunk, still crush 4-8 tons of cardboard each day, fix the bottle machines that break down about 5x a day from people recycling full soda cans:roll_eyes:, and clean up the store each hour. All at once while I’m barely keeping up with the minimum 4 tons of cardboard boxes I have to find room for in a 5x3x5 short square/rectangle while moving the entire back room around as they’re rude AF taking up the reserved area for the bales. That alone if I work as fast as possible until I pass out will take about 3 hours. Problem is that made 3 hour shifts. They’d send me home if I worked until exhaustion. Instead I found my pace and got it done in 5 hours having enough energy left to clean up the front end before I pass out and wake up for the next shift. I don’t miss that. Minimum wage part time while working myself to a lower weight than I am now with no job and I had less money than I do now. I had to spend too much money on food just to keep myself awake long enough to finish my shift. When I work manual labor I don’t fuck around. I take advantage of all my energy to push through and finish my shift without stopping more than 15 minutes or so. If I’m part time I get only a 15:roll_eyes:
