Foreigner. My own family is very much alike. It’s actually quite common. I could try to explain but I’m no psychotherapist and I’d only end up alienating you I’m afraid. But the book I’m reading does a great job not only at pointing to possible causes but also at effects you may not have a clear view on.
Dysfunctional families abound.
Every year Christmas grows worse for me. Nowadays I end up in a haze for 2 weeks around Christmas. My brother imitates my mother who is a controlfreak, not just around christmas, and that makes me not talk to him much, but it has taken me ages to figure that out.
He seems to avoid me too, and I doubt he has a good handle on his own psyche and why he does things cause it’s like my mom still controls him and he likes to control other, so he loses control of himself, because he was never allowed to exercise that control over himself as a kid or something, on some level.
I like Pete Walker’s self help books on complex ptsd for just this reason, it gave me the insight into my own dysfunctional family. I off course can’t say if your family is in any way alike, but I do know that loving functional families usually don’t generate these kinds of relationships. But loving functional families are scarce or close to non-existent these days.