I’m out of likes, but that deserves one 
. We wanted to move away, not for any dislike of the family, but didn’t want to have to spend vacations traveling back to see everyone. So now we see them on a semi regular basis, and go other places for vacation
1 Like
What for 3 guys at a festival was a fun joke in their mind, was a group rape of a minor by foreign object to me. You wouldn’t believe what some people tell themselves. Not saying you did anything close to this bad, but the discrepancy between those isn’t hard to point out.
You’re never aware of what someone else has been through, not even if you were right next to them, because you don’t know their inner world. You may say it’s easy for them to get over, but for all you may not know (and I’m throwing this out there as a total hypothetical point), 2 people in your family got raped and thought you knew and you never did anyhing to protect them. I’m not saying this is the case at all but just illustrating how one view can be completely different from the other, and how a clear view of truth is outside of most human’s capacity through trauma.
Trying not to step on toes.
1 Like
It’s not recent. My mother tried to blame Covid and I told her this pre dates that.
But yeah, a tough nut. I’ve done what I can do but there are limits to my power. Unthinkable, I know.
I take your point. If anything that would be better because at least there’s a reason.
1 Like
All you can do is your best.
1 Like
Well, there IS a reason. You just aren’t in the capacity of understanding that reason yet, for whatever other reason. And that could be just as true for your siblings.
I think the biggest hurdle to rekindling sibling love is distrust and not being willing to bring buckets upon buckets of willingness to understanding to the table. That and still being manipulated by subconscious or conscious efforts by parents IRL or the virtual parents in your head, to keep things controlled, or whatever you wanna call it.
Saying “so move on you know” to your siblings, is going to be a very painful remark to people who can not move on because they are stuck in a fight or flight mode through repression. And it’s only going to alienate y’all more. Not pointing fingers, I really do understand the emotion behind it. But it does make me think of my brother who ended up beating me up over the fact that he felt that I didn’t take good care of myself.
1 Like
Starting as kids. … My brother always had to show that he was the bigger brother 
lol! Typical brother-brawls and bickering, nothing ever serious. We wrestled A LOT when we were young & watched a lot of WWF 
We’re 4 yrs apart if anyone is curious.
As adults, we WHOLLY support each other, I’m always giving him weed and he’s always giving me hot sauces n stuff he makes. We text more than we talk, but it’s ALWAYS cordial. He even asked me to borrow $30 a month or so ago which he hasn’t done since we were kids; I just let him keep it, he clearly needed it.
We’re lucky to have the relationship that we have. We are two WILDLY different people.
4 Likes
That warms my heart. To see there’s still brothers who end up like that.
2 Likes
I have an older brother that’s an alcoholic and drug addict. He lost his wife a few years back to cancer and it sent him even further into his addictions. While his wife was dying he often disappeared for days on end without letting people know where he was. That to me is totally unforgivable. The lass used to phone me up in a total mess scared about what she was going through just to have someone she could talk too.
I never spoke to him after she died other than informing him of my hatred for his actions. I pull no punches with the prick.
I also have a younger sister. She has her own addictions. She’s a gambler and has robbed her own family out of tens of thousands to gamble with. One day I received an email from Ladbrooks (uk bookmakers and online casino) informing me I had a bonus waiting for me in my account. I didn’t have a ladbrooks account so I went to the site and used the “forgot password” link to retrieve the login details. When I logged in it was her name as the username on the account. I remember giving my mother my email login details when I went to Spain to keep an eye out for anything important. She’d managed to get the details and stole my identity. I contacted the police to report it and to have her prosecuted but they fobbed me off stating it was a family matter. I’ve never spoke to her since and if I ever see her in the street I cross over and ignore her existence.
Unfortunately it’s a bit late for my mother to abort them both 
4 Likes
The biggest hurdle is the monosyllabic brick wall I get when trying to be civil.
I’m at the “you don’t like me, that’s fine, but have the balls to tell me to go fuck myself, pussy.” Point.
5 Likes
Wow. I’m sorry to hear that Esr. That’s just horrible. I wish I had some other words for it.
2 Likes
Shit that’s rough man. Nothing wrong with having the courage of your convictions. They acted badly, you responded, totally fair.
I’d be livid at such behaviour.
3 Likes
That’s really fucked up. Addiction has ruined a lot of lives. Sorry for what you’ve had to deal with.
2 Likes
The saying “you can pick your friends but not your family” is true but you CAN totally ignore their existence. 
5 Likes
Yeah there’s the thing. You can’t really expect to change the relationship. You can only try to change your upbringing where it went wrong if it did and hope they see that they can do the same for themselves.
There’s no steering people. People seem to understand that with animals, but then they forget they themselves are animals. People steer themselves but they rarely do it consciously.
2 Likes
Beef.
Sometimes you just have to squash it 
I’m reading a lot of stuff here that reminds me of my Pa-in-Law and his older brother; they are SO fucking toxic, they can’t meet for breakfast without one of them literally walking out, or they can’t have a phonecall without a violent hangup. Like, WHAT THE FUCK??? It’s a neverending cycle with them, when one tries to squash the beef the other treats it like some sign of weakness & goes for fucking blood. EVERY.FUCKING.TIME. And what breaks my heart about it, I see it eating at my Pa-in-Law & he tells me so, we have GREAT convos & get along very well. … and his older brother is not in the best of health either. That alone, would have me REELING to squash beef with my brother, but then again I have ever only known peace with my own brother
It hasn’t always been sunshine & rainbows either. . … my own brother had a wicked meth addiction that, if I’m being honest, I helped keep hidden from my parents eyes but I did NOT otherwise enable his addiction. But i was always a trustworthy person for him theu the worst of it, and he came out on top
I really wish the Best for you guys. It absolutely HURTS me to hear TWINS, of all things, not getting along.
4 Likes
Well I’ve gotta hit the sack. Working nights and I should have went to bed four hours ago. Now I’m only going to get like five hours of sleep before another 12 hour shift 
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, or hopefully you just feel better being able to vent.
@Wizzlez made a good point about the rapings… Perception is reality
Hope everyone has a good day. Later
4 Likes
It’s also complicated by: there’s mental illness in my family so I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. And my brothers wife is in the hospital with a potential life threatening, or at least changing, illness and the divisions are still strong. You’d figure that’d bring down some walls.
We found out on Facebook ffs.
5 Likes
The fucked up thing is I didn’t go to my sister inlaws funeral as I’d likely have made a massive scene. It killed me that I had to miss it but if I’d went there would likely have been 3 people in the hole.
4 Likes
Oh the twins get along. They just don’t get along with anybody else.
If anything it’s worse because they have this echo chamber of each other reliving some unknown unspoken nonsense from the past.
2 Likes