I have been happy. I have to say. No rage in the cage in a few weeks. Depressed yes but not as much. More for others right now. I hate to see suffering. Kids I know are going without. It bothers me. No coats for kids this year. Give what you can to any child. Goodwill or church donation you don’t have to give money. We do love they will show it back.
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I’m celebrating every holiday as a “first” this year without my mom.
To be honest I want to cancel all of them, and to be clear what others think of me because of it is of no consequence. I’m trying to heal MY broken heart, not anyone else’s.
The ONLY other two people who’s emotions surrounding “how I’m coping”, who matter….would be my own children, and they’re older and can celebrate independent of me.
My “partner”, treats me like I’m broken (in every way) so 
, I’m just growing my plants and getting through my days one at a time.
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Tomorrow will be a better day. I’m sure if it. Keep your head up. One Love @KanehB maybe your partner has problems also. I’m finding out that is one problem I having also.
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I went thru that last year after the lost of my husband I feel your pain.
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Thank you, @Hemp I’m aware there are issues being dealt with on their end too. 
It’s the space between us that concerns me. 
It would be difficult for anyone on the outside looking in….things “look” ok, but looks can be deceiving. 
I will continue to tell myself to “Just keep swimming…” because that is what to do when one doesn’t know what else to do. 
🥲
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If you ever need to talk, I’m here. 
Sometimes just knowing there is someone who will listen without judgement is enough.
I didn’t know I could feel emotional pain like this.
Thank goodness for plants.
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All I want for Christmas is a High CBD minimal low THC seed. You would think it would not be so hard.
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So this thanksgiving I spent with just my main family. We used to have the whole family get together but we’ve all drifted apart (life happens). I don’t have any friends (kind of a loner). So I don’t go out anywhere. I just take care of my garden. Sometimes I wish I could have rooms to tend to all day to keep me occupied lol. I could think of it as a negative but I got a decent job, roof over my head, food, weed, I exercise often so my health is ok, not too bad. That’s coming from a person diagnosed with major depression.
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@grief
My wife.and I spent the week with daughter and I went by and saw my ex Brother in law who is dying of ALS, saw his sister and Mom who gave Me a huge hug…and didn’t see my ex wife. Stopped at.moms to say hello then headed back to Oklahoma
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I’m sorry to hear that. Wanted you to know.
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Here is a technique that not only can change your life but also the world around you. I learned this technique in my youth and it was the beginning of my recognition and self-realization of the actual power of, “love.”
The technique itself involves a few self-realizations first to get started. Now this first self-realization is in itself very powerful (you just don’t realize it).
The first self-realization is that, “all life is One.”
Once a person actually realizes that all life is One then one can begin to do a wide range of things previously that went unaware.
For example: it is said that approx. 80% of communication is nonverbal. We communicate with a language but suppose you are spread across the universe and your communication with other parts of yourself, (plants, animals, etc.) is done through this nonverbal communication?
Believe it or not you can do much more than just communicate with plants and animals when you truly realize you are those plants and animals (and everyone around you).
There exists communication with many higher forms of intelligence in the Universe. What you are unaware of is beyond your reach. So this technique will make you aware of the very special lubricant of true communication, “love.”
Now the second realization is actually built upon the first. The second realization is that at some unseen level you are all the people around you. We are one!
Now the connection/communication to yourself in others is through love.
So the technique is to look for yourself in the eyes of those around through love. You are literally looking for yourself in the eyes of others (this actually also works with animals…try it with your pet or if you really good at it check out the zoo for a fun surprise).
The proof will come when you use this on enemies and those you don’t get along with and turn them into best friends. It can happen as I have done it many times!
Love is more than just a feeling or emotion! It is the most powerful power in the Universe. And it is also your ticket to a new life with new self-realizations and a great unfolding as a bloom from a bud.
Start by thinking (and saying silently to yourself) “I love you,” with everyone you come in contact with and as you do this look and see if you recognize yourself in the eyes of the person you are facing.
Many of you will experience this and discover a new path of contentment and enlightenment and will not only change yourself in the process but also the people around you.
Have fun with it!
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I agree 100% . One Love
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Thank you.
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Well shit, I definitely need to be here and share my story. I’ve been depressed most of my life, like well over 40 years. Did the therapy, did the meds, did the “go to school and build a better life” bullshit. Nothing worked. I’m not depressed enough to contemplate suicide; hell, it’s too easy! Starting alive in this crazy world is the challenge. I’ve lost a lot of close friends over the years, yes, some to suicide.
I got busted for growing (in a legal state, too- cops still have a hard on for fucking people over any way they can) and I fell into a really deep well for the last 3 years. Growing was my life, developing tech to do it better was my mission, giving weed to people who needed it was my passion. Being forced to stop all that crushed me. It didn’t help at all that weed was the best antidepressant I’d ever found and I couldn’t smoke, either.
I had a friend go through a new treatment using ketamine as a therapeutic drug to help open new pathways, etc. So I did it. Umm… It’s a trip! They spend a few weeks working you up to a dose of 200mg, given via intramuscular injection. Yeah, it’s a lot!
I’m not going to claim that it’s working miracles but I do feel better and I’m back here after being gone for quite awhile.
The COVID lockdown was also harder on me than I thought and I suspect others may feel the same.
Just wanted to share. I’m by no means out of the woods. I’m doing one ketamine session every 3 weeks to help maintain the gains or so I’m told. It beats the shit out of electroshock “therapy” that another acquaintance tried, that’s for sure!
Anyway, I’m here to listen to anyone who wants an ear.
Peace!
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I’ve been curious about the results of this after hearing about it. How even is your mood with that kind of treatment? So many questions that only time will tell, sadly, new science.
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My moods were never very mercurial and they aren’t now. I still get sad, frustrated and so on because yay life in these United States, right? What doesn’t happen is a spiral into the ground where I just sit and ignore what I need to be doing.
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I do it every day. When depression set in. I’ll sit and think. Next thing I know I’ve sat all day.
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Same shit happens to me
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Too much time spent thinking and not enough time spent doing 
Nowadays it’s probably quicker to ask is anyone is NOT depressed and why not?
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@Beza Interesting post man, I may give it a try!
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