Any one depressed?

Smoker's Lounge Medical Club
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I’m not sure how much honesty is actually allowed or will be but @Toker1 sums up the thought pattern pretty well. I’m gonna blow it up -

I find that I’ve always had a bit of an issue with depression. Reality hasn’t helped that much. I have always tried to be a positive person not only because I think it’s the only way to get through this life but also because as mentioned - NOBODY myself included likes a whiner. The older I get and the more I look around I get the distinct impression that cyclical depression and life-long insecurity are pretty much a human condition. I really think that the awareness of our own mortality makes us kind of crazy.

Over time I have tried to do my best to let the unimportant things go and learn to cherish what good I have in my life while I have it. Yet once again, over time, this is much harder to do than to say. Personally; having been Brought Up 2 Believe that deity and the great unknown will sort it all out in the end and that we pretty much get what we deserve - I just can’t go back to that school and for me throw my reason and logic under the bus (again). I see family dying, good friends crying, children suffering, people hating, health failing, love of things over people, hoarding instead of helping, all that has been put together falling apart and I can’t help but wonder sometimes what the PURPOSE of all this is.

I don’t know if there really is a purpose, but I do know that the only thing that has and does help me is NOT, wishful thinking, hope for a heavenly home, lack of problems or getting myself comfortable under the rock I’ve pulled over myself to block out the rest of the world. It’s this! THIS right here… people being people, realizing we really are all the same; happy, sad, hopeful, helpful, scared and insecure - but doing it TOGETHER! It won’t solve the problem of being human - the only way to do that is to not be one but it damn sure makes the journey a lot easier to endure and enjoy when you’ve got company! :v:

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My problem is, a part of me loves it the same way you put the song that hurts you on repeat so it can finish its shadow work. I can be very comfortable being horribly demotivated and depressed, not dealing with anyone or anything… and kind of enjoying it. If we’re honest, Depression is a kind of self indulgence in that way. It’s either fuel to drive change or the excuse we use not to face those demons.
What has become meaningful to me in the last few years is the notion that pain itself traces Purpose. Whatever I would have a sleepless night over, grey hairs, floor pacing lip biting concerns… that’s something I care about. Because what we don’t care about can’t really hurt us. It shows us what our spirit Cannot accept, so what do we do when it’s also something we can’t change?
We choose to change instead, or to be miserable at life, like ruining our own party will be some form of retaliation… but it isn’t… just self sabotage.
So, I no longer seek pleasures or comfort. Pain will come anyway, and you will not be comfortable in discomfort. What you can be is assured that it’s meaningful and worthwhile to go through what you’re going through - that it’s for something you value, chose, that enriches something bigger than just yourself. That’s what makes us able to endure it.
I know people say things like “Just let people do whatever they want and be happy”. The problem with that is that it doesn’t work that way… you get to choose what you do, not what it does to you… not what the consequences are. Happiness in the brain isn’t just chemical. It’s the psychological sense of an Earned reward. Of something you suffered and fought to win. …in this way I have found Fulfillment to be of much more use to me than mere Happiness. One may wax and wane with situations beyond my sphere of influence. In the other, come what pains may, I may find a steadfast foundation.
Sometimes when all I can do is lay there and wait for feeling shite to pass, just the assurance to myself that I’ll be getting back up and at it as soon as I can and not indulge my self pity does more for me than actually feeling better… Fall ten times. Rise eleven, my friends.

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Change your name, you’re not fooling anyone haha. That’s honest work what you just posted there.

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Wait, what? Am I crazy?

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Ok…my mistake, I think, quoted the wrong guy lol. You’re all fucking winners in my book. Frfr.

*real work

That’s what I was trying to reiterate

Shadow work doesn’t mean secondary, it’s almost more important as it bleeds into your lit life. It’s the place in you that’s so vast no boundaries or bottoms are known. No one can tell you where to go, or what to do.

No one can tell you where to go, or what to do.

When I was six I went down to the docks with my mom in the winter time, she was in the hippie shoreline erosion prevention gang, and did lots of paperwork for waterfront property owners if they wanted a new dock or bulkhead or something, she drafted blueprints and stuff for the county… the ‘state dock’ was at the end of lovers lane, your town had one too, I’m sure.

Anyways, I stepped over a line just as the guy my mom was meeting was docking his boat, next thing I know, Im laying on the creek bottom staring up.

And I distinctly remember watching my air bubbles float up

And the tiny cold winter sun making pale gold rings as I watched from under there.

I don’t remember holding my breath, i dont think i felt panic or anything. I do remember being put in a lukewarm bath later that felt like i was being dipped into a deepfryer.

Mostly I remember how my coat absorbed water so fast, and I felt the physics of being pulled down, and how the ripples on top bent the light, and I just fell back straight to the bottom, i don’t recall feeling panic. I do recall thinking that this vantage point I found myself in wasn’t necessarily terrifying, and I remember it being otherworldly and how lucky I was to see it, that the chances of anybody else getting this particular view were pretty unlikely…

It’s only recently I thought that it qualified as a meaningful experience, like how when you finally take a shitty car past a buck twenty it never feels right at 55 anymore

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Here is one more, you body knows best what it wants, and when it wants it. Although some nutritionist will say it’s important, we are not all the same, in fact for me eating in a 4 hour window between 5 and 9 pm is extremely benificial and healthy. Fasting releases feel good endorphins and balances the hormonal and Sympathetic and Para sympathetic nervous system.

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Not any crazier then the rest of us.

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I was a little depressed until I took this massive dump.

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I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, but certainly have stress and weight on my shoulders. Personally I think its anxiety or at least partly.
Backstory…
I’ve been the sole caretaker of my grandmother for quite a few years now. What really eats right through me is her dementia. My entire life, shes been the rock of stability, and she was the main provider for us growing up. Nan was a tough cookie, although very loving and nice as could be…she was very persistent, and if she wanted you to do something it was easier to just do it right then and there instead of having her nag or hound you constantly until it’s done.

Well, about 2 years ago I noticed her forgetting things, or mixing things up that we did the previous day, but it wasnt anything alarming, fast forward to now… her memory is fading. Within the past month, it’s gotten worse and I’d say its roughly a 2hour span before things are forgotten or mixed up. Otherwise, shes very healthy but unfortunately, I do believe her body will outlast her mind. I just celebrated my 35th birthday and it was the first year she didn’t remember. Its just really sucks seeing her like this as I’ve always been the person to help and comfort her. This, I cant fix, only keep her comfortable and try to be the best grandson I can be for her.

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In the end being there is all you can do. I’m sorry to hear it, it sounds really rough.

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I often tell Mrs Foreigner that the only thing you can do for me is make me a sandwich because if I’m out of sorts there’s a very good chance I haven’t eaten either.

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My friend first off I commend you. Alike you the wife and I took care of my grandmother in her last 6 months she was here. Many many days I really didn’t think I could do it anymore. And now it’s been two years I couldn’t be happier or more proud that I did. I thought I was a man, well I was when it was over. It changes you but I think for the better. Anyways stay strong and just know she appreciates the shit outta it even if she doesn’t know your name.

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I was a little depressed and then a took a big dump. :poop: :slightly_smiling_face:

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I spent the earlier part of this year in a pretty nasty depression. It was a first for me. I didn’t want to clean my old grow. I had no desire to start a new one. I was haunted by this overwhelming sense of dispair. I’m not sure what brought it on, but I found that just talking about it with friends helped a great deal. It’s been completely gone for about a month now. I can’t thank some of you OGers enough for just being there to talk with me and understand.

I hope this bullshit never comes back.

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im sad , yeah

Long story short, I let smoking pot become an addiction and wasted 6 years of my life pretty much , meh regret

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I’ve gone into deep depressions a few times in my life. Did the traditional drug and alcohol spiral on one, the others I just stopped feeling anything at all. Just turned off. Sat on my couch until time to go to bed. Wake up, sit on the couch until time to go to bed. 6 months…
It scares me because I wasn’t sad…I was numb, and I didn’t have any desire to change it.
Rough

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Yes indeed, I would rather not go there again, if at all possible

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I’m no stranger to deep dives with major depressive disorder. Once I figured out some key issues. I all but severed it happening. Decent diet of good foods. Limit process foods, caffeine and alcohol I avoid. Exercise 2-3 times a week. Make sure to get good quality REM sleep. Keep growing. Growing cannabis is key to keeping my mind right.

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Oh yeah one more key point. Make sure your gut and bowel movements are healthy. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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