I won’t presume to tell folks what to do in their relationship. For me that betrayal would be the beginning of a new relationship. One where I forgave her for her infidelity and learned to get along with her as friends. The main issue for me would be keeping things amicable for the sake of the kid. There are 2 facets to this issue, your feelings as people and your duties as parents. The latter is the most important in my opinion but I never understood staying together for the sake of the child. Being with someone you don’t want to only creates issues that flow down to the child. Much better environment for the child to see the parents apart but happy rather than together and miserable IMO.
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There’s no such thing as an ex-addict. Two addicts together is far worse than one. Even if you can forgive her, you’re not doing yourself, or her, and especially not that kid any favors by getting back together, imo.
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Outta likes yet again 
but I sincerely value everyone’s input and feedback here. And am certainly taking all points into consideration
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Ex-addict as in she hasn’t used in probably 10 years. And I agree that addicts shouldn’t be together in early recovery but I have seen long term ex-users be together in a happy and fruitful relationship. Not something I see myself ever going back to no matter what. It may help me avoid feelings for a period of time but only compounds problems and creates new ones. My choice to run from things only gave me way more to face. And that’s not the kind of life I want for myself nor anyone else. Others, please learn from my mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others imho
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I’d have a hard time forgiving the part where she took you for all you had when she was the one who cheated and is now doing great because of your suffering at her hand.
But if you love her you might want to talk about it. But it would take a shitload of talking things through, and I think you should tell her how you view everything she did from before the cheating part to how she handled things during and after the separation, because not doing so is only going to result in resentment further down the road, at least that’s what it would do with me.
I personally would probably be too much of a destructive force if this should happen to me. I don’t know what I would do but it’s likely it wouldn’t be pretty.
Plus I’m really of the belief that you have two kinds of people in the world, those who can cheat, and those who can’t, and that there’s no changing the nature of a person in that regard. If you are someone who can not cheat because you wouldn’t be capable of going through with all the actions involved in factually cheating on someone, then it’s in my opinion best for you to seek out such a partner in life. If you yourself are of the cheating type, then maybe it’s easier for you to forgive because you yourself have known such proclivities.
I’ve been cheated on, but I can’t say I’ve ever cheated, I’ve had the opportunity and have come close while drunk but there was always something that kept me from doing so. And I could see a difference in a relationship when you were a youngster where you had to learn that lesson and the people that cheat later in life, but even there I’d say tread carefully.
Best of luck, I hope whatever you end up choosing doesn’t end up in heartbreak allover.
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I cheated on my girlfriend with my wife.
It was a truly confusing time…
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you can not forgive her 100% you will always remember what she did if you get back together you can not have 100% Trust and you need that for a good marriage every time she goes out of house you will wonder if she is doing it all over again all she wants is security from you as far as the kids go they need their mother they can live without a father i know i went through this i lived it for a couple years than separated after about 4 years i moved 1500 miles from her later i found a woman that i can trust got married and have been married for 27 happy years and the kids moved here and come over or phone me every week The Answer is you have to make up your mind weather to have a hurt spot on your heart or start a new life you can trust.
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thank you for lightening the mood. It is a serious situation but nothing should be taken too seriously. I mean nobody gets outta here alive anyhow so have some fun where you can, crack a joke, live a little or preferably a lot. I’m generally over the pain and hurt from the situation, holding onto it won’t do anybody any good so why bother?
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I can’t tell you what you should do, that’s a decision you would have to make. What I can do is share a similar story that happened to me.
I met my wife when I was 18. We dated on and off until we got married after at 27. We struggled to have a child for six years and finally adopted at 33.
A couple of years after our child was born, she started hanging out with a different group of friends. I didn’t like to go because this group was anti-pot, they are heavy drinkers though. So, one night she gets drunk and makes out with (not sex) his 19 year old kid.
A couple of weeks later, she tells me what happened and I lost my shit. I literally almost committed myself. We did couples therapy for a year or so. The therapist suggested we do a trial separation, and at the end actually recommend we get a divorce.
We ended up divorced with shared custody. Now my kid is 13 and going through what every adolescent does. I strongly think that as hard as it is on her, it would have been 100x worse.
Ironically, 10 years later, she still hangs out with that group of friends.
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And every day of that has been one day at a time, a constant struggle, and when things get tougher the idea of taking refuge in her addiction just calls even louder… yeah, I get it. And like I said, once an addict, always an addict. Whether that addictive tendency is focused on something destructive or constructive, she’s still an addict. Right now, it seems to be focused on breeding with your genetics in the house that she took from you with the growing equipment she took from you.
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If I decide to pursue a relationship with her it will require a completely fresh start. We would have to agree that the past is the past and the future is the future but what is important is what we do now, today. And if we can agree to that and can agree to have open dialogue about anything we are feeling without fear of judgement then I think that we have a great shot at making it work and both being happy. What works for some doesn’t work for others. I know a guy who lives with his girlfriend and his wife, they sleep in the same bed together and it works for them. They all have their individual relationships but also one together. I don’t know that I’d ever be able to do something like that but it’s just an example. They’re happy and better off then they were separately
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So you want to be a Swinger
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I know a guy who got divorced and ended up putting an apartment into his house for his ex to live in so they could share the kids. There’s all kinds of ways to do things.
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She’s not breeding at all, the focus is just on sensi. I get what you’re saying but holding onto that anger or jealousy doesn’t benefit me or anyone else. I do struggle here a bit still but am trying. I appreciate you and your input very much
Not at all. I’m a 1 woman kind of man. Things get too complicated for my liking otherwise. I’m a bit of a simpleton in some ways
If you want to have multiple sex just move to Utah and join one of those cults up their that have 3 or 4 wives and take her with you
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Who said I was joking?
Separated 2 years, lived apart, she found out I had a g/f and decided THEN that she wanted to try a last ditch “for the kids” effort and got me drunk/naked…tbh it wasn’t difficult as I desperately missed my kids.
I ended up realizing I couldn’t forgive my wife for what she did, and this action started the end of the relationship with the g/f.
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Wow. That is something. I dig it. Sorry to assume it was a joke
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It’s all good, it ended up getting me out of a pretty toxic relationship and taught me what I really want.
I thought up until then it was redheads, when all this time it was black women.
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As a side note, I write material occasionally for a couple of comics in Toronto and want to actually do some stand up myself…(Typical me, let’s decide to try that when all the comedy clubs are closed due to a pandemic)
I think I’m always trying to inject a little humour into my posts.
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