That is a tough one. The lives of your children are as well as important. But your happiness is even more so. Because if they see a struggle they may choose a side. It’s all about your son right now. I was taken away from my parents when I was very young not much older than your son. I actually have a bitter taste in my mouth about my parents and why they didn’t take care of the children like they should have.
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Shrug, k, I had the details wrong. The more salient point is, that’s what the relationship is gonna be; struggling to forgive her, while in the meantime - if you’re lucky - she struggles to avoid hurting you again and again as she has before. Even if she does try, when she starts to feel comfortable that she’s actually been forgiven, it’ll turn out she hasn’t changed and she’ll probably cheat on you again. People don’t change much. As evidence, feel free to ask me again in six months what I think about people changing their whole personality for the sake of love. 
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-fucks someone else
-takes everything you have
-usurps your business and network of connections
-then decides to toss you some scraps of your own shit to keep you around for likely questionable reasons
i have never been accused of being a sensitive or emotional person, so take this with a grain of salt. but it blows my mind that you havent fed this woman to a herd of pigs, let alone are considering taking her back. she clearly has less than zero respect for you, and that sort of respect is profoundly difficult to get back (and ime requires long periods of separation to do so, if its even possible at all). people that dont respect you will never hesitate to do you dirty, especially when theyve gotten away with it in the past.
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We’ve been separated for over 2 years now. I didn’t necessarily put up all the details of the whole situation but what I felt were the most important ones. She had her reasons for doing what she did just as I did mine. And I’m no saint, I fucked things up very badly and broke trust and treated her less than optimally. The key is at this point we both are owning our own shit and not pointing fingers like we did for a long time there. She has treated me with love and respect for quite awhile and has had my back when I was trying to get my shit together again and did anything she could to make things easier for me. She still cooks and gives me food cause she wants to make sure I’m cared for and healthy cause she knows I neglect those things when I’m occupied elsewhere. Just in case anybody was wondering, even if I am disagreeing with you I still value your feedback cause without all the differing viewpoints this type of processing wouldn’t be successful. I take everything said here into thoughtful consideration
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We visited my gf’s family in the GTA in March 2020 just as COVID started to be a thing. We ate edibles and went to Second City for the comedy show. Our copious laughter made us a target for the cast who pulled us up on stage to poke fun and get ideas for their set-closing improv piece. We were probably up there for 10 minutes. It was hilarious!
Anyway, I wish I could offer good advice but I don’t have kids… I’ve had two long relationships that have ended, and both times it was for the best. I moved on to new partners and experienced new adventures that would not have happened had we stayed together. I haven’t talked to the woman I divorced in over a decade, but I’m still in regular friendly contact with my ex-partner from the relationship that ended four years ago. Neither of us wants to be in a relationship together anymore, but we co-own some property and must work together from time to time.
My current partner and I have agreed that cheating is a deal breaker and will end the relationship, but that’s just what works for us. I’ve had friends that were married for years with a young child, then invited another partner to form a “thruple”. That worked for about a year but they are now back to being a couple. Everyone is different, and things change. What feels right now may feel wrong in a year. Just be civil, and make sure your kid knows they are loved and that this is not their fault.
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One good part of this is he doesn’t even really remember the couple years that we did spend together as a family and so is very detached from it. At one point she did withhold him from me for about 2 weeks and ever since then he has stuck to me like glue. That is painful to think that he’s afraid that he won’t see me again as I am apparently his most favorite person in the world. Before that it was his Papa, my dad. I’ve tried to explain things to him so he understands better but it seems like he just couldn’t grasp it yet. I don’t know which way I’ll go. I was simply trying to sort out my own feelings on the matter here. And I feel that I have gained a lot of perspective and clarity so for that I want to thank everyone. I feel that some folks who responded with anger towards this situation may just be siding with me over her as I’m someone you at least know a bit or see around from time to time and that is touching. But maybe they were all just putting there selves in my shoes and so they were just responding to how they felt about the situation, which is an honest answer and that’s cool too. Whatever the case, you all rock. Thank you all for taking the time to respond and for your words of advice or telling me what you would do in the situation. I feel like I may want to at least text the waters and see if there’s anything still there between us at this point cause I’m unsure. I know I care for her but don’t feel the physical attraction that I did before. But that may change as or if we reconnect. I’m not sure where the winds will blow me but let’s hope that they’re always at my back and the sun is shining down on me. The worst is behind me no matter what happens and as for that I’m very grateful. Thank y’all for everything. What a great community. Thank you for letting me be a part. Now bring on spring so I can get my hands back in the soil 
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Once a cheater always a cheater,that shit will come up every time you have a fight,and it would be sitting in the back of
My mind has she done it before she got caught,
Not worth the head wrecking bad for the kids in the long run
Hope it works out
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Life is hard & people make mistakes. These are as sure as breathing & dying, it’s just how it is.
At the end of the day, she’s the mother of your child. Look; If we all just live in fear of people fucking up & stay on the defensive the whole time, what fun is that?! What kind of life are you giving yourself?? You both deserve to be happy, no matter what that means, whether you stay together or not. And I know you know that. So why not take another shot?? If it isn’t with her then it will be with someone else, at some point, and that’s not to dismiss the love you’ve already created. . …which is why I say just resurrect & continue to build on that love.
Give it a shot. I wish you both the absolute best.
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After about a dozen short relationships I’ve come to find that friendship is where it’s at.
Been single for a few years now and so used to it, I don’t even miss the sexy time.
Now I’m looking for women I can be just good friends with, where there is real love but nothing sticky, no promises, no attachment and zero expectations.
Coming together to create art and having fun without sex.
Keeps it light and free.
I found someone I can do this with, even though she’s living in another country.
We support and encourage eachother from a distance and that’s enough for me.
It leaves each of us free to build friendships with other people too, and we don’t even talk about other people much, only in relation to the art we wanna create.
We don’t bother eachother with worries or anxieties.
We only share positivity and it’s so very refreshing.
It’s possible and now I’m always on the lookout for more women I can have something like this with. There’s potential with a few, but they gotta let go of this old way of having a relationship, so limiting… it’s so insanely much to expect from eachother.
To always be faithful, and the promises and the threats. What nonsense.
I never promise anything anymore. I’m a different person every day, every hour, every second…
We all change non-stop.
Let eachother be free.
Expectation kills joy.
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That’s all I want, to be free and her to be free. For us both to be happy. If it’s with me that’s awesome, but if not that’s totally fine too. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We have still hung out as I see her often, I’ve invited her for holidays and occasions as she doesn’t have much family and I know that she misses that, I talk to my son everyday that I’m not with him and she talks to him when he’s here but as he’s 4 and has the concentration level of a young pup we end up talking most of the time, when I am in a really bad spot mentally and just need someone to talk things out with it’s usually her. We have always been friends first and foremost and that’s what hurt so badly when all the shit went down. But I can see where she was at the time as I try to always put myself in the shoes of others. And I was not supportive like I should have been, instead I got angry that everything was left up to me for so long while I was stretched so thin. She told me she was sorry that she didn’t support me during this time either. I get it, she thought she wanted to die at the time. I’ve been there too. But it wasn’t the right choice for her as it wasn’t the right choice for me. We both survived the situations and live to see another day. It’s a new dawn the way I see it. For myself a quote from Fight Club comes to mind here which is something like: Only when you’ve lost everything are you free to do anything. I will make my choice and move forward with confidence and a clear conscience, leaving the past in the past and focusing on what I can do today to make a better tomorrow for myself as well as my son
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That’s the spirit!
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You have to ask yourself, can I forgive her for her transgressions once and for all? Will you be better for one another? Together can we a better family unit, then a house divided?
This is my opinion as others have shared theirs. We are not in your situation that you currently find yourself in. Good luck with whatever direction you take!
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Yeah a certain breed of divorce attorney might recommend that. If you do get back with her, keep $ in separate accounts, get a safety deposit box for your special things or a good safe you keep with someone you fully trust. Once the camel has his nose in the tent the rest of the camel is not far behind
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