Somewhere in there I heard Bob Ross going " think happy thoughts" 
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Have patience with them. You have to rebuild your trust with them. I donāt think addicts realize the kind of stress and fucked up shit they put everyone through while they were high. People are probably still angry or resentful about things and just because you are sober now it doesnāt magically make them forget. Not trying to be devilās advocate, but I know itās how I felt after some of my alcoholic or junkie friends got sober. Time and patience is everything. Just keep on doing you and healing. Respect and trust will come, just on their time, not yours.
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Iām gonna have to put that Hurkle strain on my list for next year! If I can find it.
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Great topicā¦Iāve been sick over the last year and am thinking about the MAID program in Canada and this was todayās
reading. I practice a form of prayer and meditation daily.
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My Father is coming Thursday to visit. I havenāt seen him in 8 years. I do ally told him I was sorry. And I just wanted to be like him. Heās the oppitamy of everything I wanna be.
@Meesh. Thanks for the kind words. Sometimes I have to pump my brakes and relax. I think im hurt so bad I lash out. I have to pick myself up and carry on. Suicide was never on the table. I ride it til thee wheels fall off.
Seriously though. Im mentally ill, I realize that. If I donāt keep co running to seek help Iām gonna flip. Deep breathing teqniaue stopped me from having a heart yesterday. It lowered my anxiety a good bit. Iād like to learn from some skilled. I hear you can beat polygraph machines. Later yāall be safe.
-J
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Iāve recently started a regimen of St Johnās wort and valerian root 3x a day with microdosing Cannabis all day to manage my mood swings. They make me a little sleepy and thatās a good thing as most of my mental health issues come from a overactive cycling thought process.
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Amen to that. The benzos I canāt stop unfortunately. My mind cycles like Lance Armstrong steroided up. I donāt take 20mg a day any more. Thank God. Things are turning around quick for me. Hopefully everybodyās feeling well. Iām going to make some oils when this run finishes so I can microdose orals throughout the day. Thanks for all the good info. I try to stay as occupied as I can but my mind just runs and runs.
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Huh thatās interesting. I always thought THCA and CBDA werenāt active and wouldnāt have any effect. What would be the difference if decarbed it?
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They arenāt active, so you dont feel high. If memory serves, THCA will still bind to the CB2 receptors. THC binds to the CB1 receptors that make you feel high. CBD prodominablntly binds to the CB2 receptors (and weakly to the CB1 receptors). But it has been a while since I read up on this, but it comes from Dr. Ethan Russoās work on the endocannabinoid system.
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If I remember correctly CBN is more effective than benzos for sleep. As someone who knows what you are going through to a degree I get that tranqs, sedatives, and hypnotics are all really just able to calm the mind.
Personally Iām at around 5 thought processes at once. Hot swapping through them as my attention gets drawn away. Sometimes they seem to be a crowd of unintelligible thoughts all talking over each other.
CBD kinda helps with them making the crowd ones slower speaking, but it doesnāt stop the cycling thoughts or the frequency at which my mind will wander. CBC has helped me significantly more when Iāve had it.
Hands down though for my cycling thoughts only CBN has done it like the 1 time I had benzos, but IMO better as Iām not at risk of forgetting to breathe automatically. I donāt like manually controlling my breathing. It brings back bad memories of my childhood with my asthma doctors teaching me how to breathe correctly.
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I appreciate this thread and I think most ppl (not all) who use cannabis have some mental affliction they deal with.
My thinking is that generally if you feel OK most the time you probably arenāt seeking out something to make you feel better. I think in a lot of peopleās normal minute to minute experience of life they feel OK, and so they donāt really consider cannabis use.
However, if your normal experience being conscious is unpleasant, youāre probably going to try to remedy that one way or anotherā¦ and cannabis definitely helps some folks with that.
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Any other tips? You seem to be kinda like myself. Youāve nailed some good points. Thanks for the info. Itās nice to meet you @OniTenshu. Have a nice day.
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When I dose CBN I do it through the day to maintain the effects and a Stony edible helps greatly for long term effects while Iām working. I started St Johnās wort for depression. I use a low dose of valerian root through the day as well for anxiety and it also seems to manage my ADHD very well.
When it comes to cannabis though CBC Iāve found doesnāt seem to block my high from THC or any other of the Entourage in what Iām smoking, dabbing, or consuming in some way. It helped my anxiety, depression, chilled me out, and best of all I did seem to gain some level of control over my thoughts with CBC. CBD can do something similar in a very high dose, but the sacrifice is youāre sober AF and very relaxed. Almost too relaxed at the dose that can help me anyways. With my other mood disorders the euphoria from smoking helps my mood not enter a cycle and I end up in a bipolar like mood. Pddnos is all they gave me when they gave up on bipolar 
Now CBG helps my mood as well, but when I took it most other times I really mostly needed pain relief and the back popping I got from taking it were invaluable for me at the time. It definitely seems to help me medically if it is present though as the CBD, CBC, CBN, and THC donāt have to work so hard on my pain before they work on my head.
When I smoke or dab itās usually a small amount compared to all my friends anyways. I use a nectar collector to keep my usage rate to a minimum and efficiently dab my oil to get where I want to be reliably without going too hard and being too high to work one day for example. When my rig gets too covered in reclaim to be used properly without a risk of it leaking reclaim on stuff I wash the oil with warm ethanol. The top of the perc is hard to get clean most of the time. As long as itās purged properly Iāll use pure acetone sometimes as that shit takes off anything and evaporates very rapidly at room temperature. Iāll collect that oil with some Coconut oil and heat it gently for 30 minutes and then when Iām sure the trace amounts have been purged I make it into an edible and itās now no longer a waste product in my sink as itās a fully active CBN motherload and Iām not going to throw that away 
Iāve still yet to try CBL, but Iām intrigued by it
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Today for example I made a jar of infused almond butter with liquid coconut oil added for extra bioavailability and extra MCT.
10g of the last of my weed with 2oz liquid coconut oil and a whole jar of natural almond butter.
Not the most appetizing looking apparently, but it still needs to be mixed more before I make anything with it. Muddy buddies fine to mind 
it actually tasted like peanut butter after I mixed in the decarbed weed too. I ground it up with a mortar and pestle to a find powder and washed any trace amounts off with liquid coconut oil.
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I use my edibles to keep my smoking rate to a minimum and I take my CBN as needed and on bad times I keep it up every 3-4 hours or I start cycling.
Iāll take any suggestions on no bake edibles with a nut butter like peanut butter, almond butter, Nutella, etc. I can always add the Cocoa powder if needed for a good Nutella substitute with almonds.
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Me too @OniTenshu! We should have a thread on edibles. Share recipes and techniques. Iām a rookie at it but Ms Oleskool and I are determined to learn how to make baked items, hard candy, no bake goodies etc. Itās the extraction process thatās intimidating. All loveā¦
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Oh extraction is super easy. Even without heat you can use a large Pyrex baking dish to evaporate it at room temperature with a fan over it. Just add a fine mesh screen over the top like panty hose or something similar to catch the dust that may fly over the dish and tincture. When itās a dark RSO like consistency I add liquid coconut oil or a coconut oil/ghee mixture and gently heat to purge the rest if the alcohol out. Use a candy thermometer in the tincture if you use a double boiler. Same as when you make the candy.
For no bake items Iād highly recommend a mortar and pestle. After decarb it grinds it to a fine kief like powder. Youāll taste the weed sure, but if thereās one thing I learned over the last 6 years itās how to blend the flavor of weed with what Iām making to make it tasty. For a no bake treat itās a easy decarb, grind, mix with oil, and infuse item of choice.
Sometimes I just make a old school oil tincture. I just throw the weed and oil together and leave it alone like that. Kind of like when you see Italian herbs in olive oil. I just give it a shake and pour as needed per recipe.
When I get back to where Iām staying tonight Iām making a sandwich with the almond butter I made earlier. When I have more time to get to places to grab supplies I can make all kinds of things as I please to mix things up over the next couple of months. Though I expect this to last me around 2 weeks unless I take a break from it like most of my jarred infusions.
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Wow Thanks for that confidence booster. Sounds quite simple. Do trim and small buds have enough potency? I prefer a fairly āstoutā piece of candy or 1 strong cookie etc. I had a hard candy a friend made recently. I was stoned for hours! Thanks for your time @OniTenshu.
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Iāve found at least for medical purposes trim and small buds work extremely well. Iāve personally smoked it before too and gotten pretty stoned off it, so if a Stony edible is your thing trim may make a more preferable filler at least for recipes. I just had an intense pain spike that knocked me on my ass and made anything I did to try and make the pain go away meaningless. I drank a lot of beer, had a few shots worth of kraken, dabbed around a gram of oil, smoked about 2g bud in a blunt, smoked 2 hemp cigarettes Lab tested to have 10mg CBD per cig, and Vaped the last of my Zkittlez cart I was saving for a rainy day or a horrible pain day. About 0.1g of 85.6% distillate with a lot of terpenes for the remainder of the percentage along with the remainder of the Entourage that makes the Zkittlez profile and not a flavoring like people seemed to be into initially before they wisened up to the realization that you canāt fake the real thing.
I also had a almond butter sandwich with about 3 tablespoons of butter in the sandwich, 1200mg ibuprofen, and a hot pack on my neck as a cold pack makes the pain worse. Earlier the almond butter in Just a teaspoon of the almond butter and only the 2g blunt and few shots of kraken were in my system at the time my pain was gone mostly and any episodes were in a manageable level. Currently itās difficult to see and autocorrect is my savior. The got pack is doing more than anything else has RN and Iām sad I couldnāt at least smoke my way to pain freeā:weary: either way the key to getting myself not in terrible debt is getting to a dental surgeon and only using my edibles to get high for a bit. Smoking will be too high risk of this pain returning as my body is trying to remove the tooth for me and itās intense as the root is slowly being stretched as the gums around the tooth swells in an attempt to remove the now black tooth that did not gradually turn grey at all. These 2 bastard molars decided to overnight go from a off-white enamel color to black overnight. Though both were broken and up until this week I was still under my parents insurance, but the problem is Iām too old for valid use of it and whenever they try to use it it says itās invalid or expired. Luckily my mother finally did exactly what I complained on here once before about and tricked him by calling first and 3 way falling him into the short yes and no questions that lasted no more than a minute. Now Iām off the insurance and when I go to apply this time I wonāt get a error message about already being in the system and needing to remove myself from that account first before getting a new account with them 
Iām happy, but seriously if itās my social security number I should be the holder of it at my age regardless I whoās account com under to have to go through this to finally officially cut ties with my childhood services/household and not my family. Which is Also taking a decent amount of work too. The fact that my side earns a energy efficiency bonus even with my grow lights installed when my usage was around 820w fans and carbon filter system included. Thatās not even including the draw of my Xbox one being on almost 24/7 before the brick burned out after almost never being off since the system came out. I worked very hard to earn that bonus to stop being bitched at for my electrical usage. Instead I just get deflections about what the mystery electricity usage is and itās always timed with both the pool and grandmaās space heater/portable AC. Whenever she complained itās always timed with any combo of those 3. Back when I had my own meter she had the same complaints with the same timing last year. Except last year the number she complained about was much higher. Her house lights arenāt energy efficient yet and Iāve been trying to get her to just get LEDs already, but she doesnāt really bother to look for any deals on them. For human eyes any LED light will do really TBH. The ones from my local hardware store I hate going to actually ahaās cheapest price on a pack of led bulbs and lumens are bright AF on those. I use 54w total lighting cost on my side. Just saying she uses apparently 100kw todayā:man_facepalming: at my worst of everything is on at full power Iām looking at 4kw using my 1500w electric kettle and 1600w convection oven/microwave. Iām just saying I have no idea how theyāre so wasteful.
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