Not my business, but prescribed medication helped me to deal with lows… Im not “cured”, but I dont get as low as I used to and have enough energy now to take care of myself and others.
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I’ve been on them for years, sadly. Ran out though month while switching DRs due to switching insurance. Not enjoying that. I would blame that alone for the increase, but honestly the timing doesn’t match up.
I will say, I am glad to not have those dark deep depressions I had as a teen still.
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Ever tried CBG strains for depression?
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My plan is to learn/practice playing guitar more. Just at the basic level but have a history with friends playing it, doing sound for them in bars. So have a understanding how the stuff goes together, just have to put the work in to play. I have spent time trying to come up with a guitar I can play, having the guitar touch my body would hurt and set of my nervous system. I really should finish the guitar right now but some yard work is calling. Oh and how I love yard work. It would not be so bad if I had nothing else to do though. (Just in right now to grab my medication)
Looks like crap but the body is hollowed out and the thing is mostly made up of spruce to keep the weight down.I have the tuners on it already.
If I wait long enough it will be too hot for me to work outside and I will have no reason to avoid the guitar, right? 27 C out, really should not do anything energetic at this temperature, skin will start to burn if I do. Oh right, I was going to mix up my nutrients. That is why I am inside. I have the memory of a squirrel.
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Man had a crazy event couple days ago. I am feeling absolutely drained of emotions. Pushing to get through daily activities. Fuck i hate feeling like this.
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In times like this I remember the wise words of Mario.
“Keep running, Keep jumping. There is only suffering.”
Then I remember that I’m not a plumber fighting turtles an in an effort to obtain a disinterested woman.
And THAT makes me feel better and I then am able to keep running & keep jumping.
Hugs bruv!
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Myself I’m having a bad moment of deep depression. My girl is a habitual meth user on top of major psych issues. She’s been accusing me for over a year that I’m cheating on her even though with COVID an all I haven’t left her side just because there wasn’t any opportunity to. She started hitting me along with the constant verbal abuse and I let it go for a couple of times but last week was the final straw and I broke down and called the police on her after she slammed a door into me twice. The police show up and then proceed to basically laugh at me because I called them. Told me without a witness it’s her word against mine and if I call again that they would take both of us to jail… Wtf?? Ive not done anything to be arrested for. She’s the one who’s laid hands on me but I have no recourse other than being told to leave by the police. So as the one who talked to the ollady came out and started making an issue about my grow I calmly told them to take my gear and give me my ticket and I’d be growing within the week. I’m under the felony plant count cause I’m in the legal grey area in my state. Then they tried giving me a shit ton of attitude about the whole situation so I started getting hot and told em to get the fuck gone outta my yard or I’ll call other police to arrest them for trespass.
They were laughing again and said you called us. And I said correct so your invited to my property for a disturbance and won’t do anything to help me so I’m telling you to fuck off and leave now.
I’ve been doing rather bad since last wed when it happened. I know if she would of called they would have taken me to jail.
So I have been super depressed and my anxiety has kicked into overdrive right now. It’s been a rough week and I don’t forsee it getting better anytime soon.
There’s more to the situation but that’s all I can type for now nerve damage blows.
Sorry for venting but I just saw this topic and thought well yes I am.
EDIT: on a side note this is just one of the reasons I quit posting in my logs and haven’t posted much. Everytime I touch my phone it sets her off
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I hate to say it; but maybe she’s got a guilty conscience. Maybe she’s hiding something from you.
But the drugs don’t help keep a clear mind. You do need a witness. Maybe have friends over more often, but I’m guessing she won’t do it while anyone is there.
We’re here for you, however we can be. I hate cops who are more concerned with being a cop than helping, but they did have one point there. They can’t do shit about it without evidence. If you had a black eye, she just has to say self defense.
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I don’t think she has a guilty conscience just for the fact that she’s already told me that she’s been cheating on me but who knows. I personally think it’s her drug abuse along with her severe schizophrenia. She’s becoming rather paranoid and been telling me that people are watching and listening to us along with other symptoms.
As far as friends coming over I have one friend that lives in another state and my sister, who refuses to come over for visits because of how the ollady is. She will pick up stuff for me but won’t come in anymore. So I have no one who’s ever there and the few who do come over are her ppl and I don’t associate with them im not now nor have I ever been into hard drugs. The police can suck it on proof because it’s beén going on a while and my neighbors have heard and seen things and there is no limit as to how long I have to report it according to state law
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Honestly if I could get out I would. One big factor amongst many is nowhere to go and I’m on fixed income and after I pay my bills I have like $20 left to my name monthly.
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Every word u type makes your situation worse and worse. That CAN’T be the best option for you man… that sounds toxic and horrible. I wish the best for you man but you gotta take care of yourself bro… this will end bad. Remember you already said the words last straw…
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It’s not anywhere near close to a “best” option but as I said I really don’t have any others. As Hed (pe) said in one of their songs. “I never wanted this but I chose it, be careful what you wish for.”
Yes I said the last straw but I have never and will never lay a hand on her.
I will do as any other time just take it and then lock myself in the grow room till it’s safe to come out.
I’m aware it’s not going to end well but it won’t be ended badly because I broke my rule of never laying a hand on her or being violent to her. She will be the one who does that…
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For sure, for sure, by last straw no one meant fight back. But if you’re here telling us you’re at the end of your rope- well, why stick around? You just have to find the way out of the situation, where either she treats you how you deserve, or you remove yourself. Violence isn’t an excusable answer from either of you- but by tolerating it you’re teaching her it is… now. I know it may be less than in her control. That doesn’t excuse it, it is not out of her control. Every action we imperfect humans make is still a choice. Dig? At the very least, find your way out. Tell your lady what’s up. If you want to save it, and you think she’ll change ask her to. Otherwise you’re wasting time, and now you’re hurting yourself.
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You have yourself man… Thats the only option you need. I know the feeling of being between a rock and a hard place, thinking there’s no options, but there are! They might not look like options, but they are there.
First question to ask yourself, do ya love her enough to break her free of her vices? Meth is strong shit, I have a few friends who’s significant others are still on it, and its heartbreaking to watch them do shit over and over, and their partner is in lala land.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”
Can you setup a hidden cam somewhere so you would have proof? Violence is not the answer to anything, and I’m glad you’re man enough to not raise a hand to a woman, but at the same time, getting beaten by one mercilessly isn’t right either…And yes, the cops will deal with you both, unless other proof is available, hence the hidden cam idea.
Its always darkest before dawn man, when you think you have no options, realize that you are all you need. It may take a bit to get back on your feet, might need to ask a few friends for favors, but they’ll wanna see the old you come back and might be more than willing to lend a hand.
Otherwise I agree with @ChemicalDependant, you both need to discuss things and choose to work it out, or you are wasting YOUR time, and time is the one thing we can never regain. Money comes and goes, time just goes. Hard questions to ask yourself, I know… But worth it to find the answers, I promise you that…
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When I am down, I hate when people say “How are you?” This may sound strange, but when the answer is “I am severely depressed” it isn’t such an easy question to answer.
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My mum passed away in April, she was my best friend and I miss her something fierce.
Menopause has also decided to NOW, while I’m mourning the most crucial loss in my life, to rear it’s FUGLY head and I’ve been besieged by hot flashes and night sweats!
I feel like a hostage in my own body, like a teenager in reverse! My moods are so bad I don’t even want to be around myself!!! Mother didn’t prepare me for this and no amount of my pretty Cannabis plants are going to get me out of it, although I’m aware the phytoestrogens in the plant will help “hrt” is not for the women in my family because we’re prone to hormone sensitive cancers like Breast and Ovarian soooo I get to roast internally for the next 4months to potentially 10yrs!!! 
The Pandemic isn’t making this situation any better because I have no other women close to me to talk to about this. No support groups to find in the community I’ve just relocated to either because of it!
Sucky time to be going through all of this and the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I have so much to be thankful and grateful for. I could be in a LOT worse off situations and still be sweating like I’ve been hoisted into the fiery pits of mount doom!
I will always have a hole missing in my life where my mom used to be and I miss her sooooo much my heart feels brand new broken everyday!
I’m just ranting and rambling now….apologies. 
:dash:
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It does get easier, but you never forget, even for a moment. Lost mom in 2000, and dad in 2007. I was 34 and had no parents. Sure, I’m an adult, but that just means we were just getting to that great communication part with our parents, where you really start to understand a lot. I mention them daily still, “when mom taught me this, when dad showed me how to” etc…
Ya know, we do have a number of lady growers here 
No substitute for mom of course, but I am positive you will find some friends here
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Shout out to the other lady growers!
Would love to make any kind of friends though.
I know my mom is watching over me and lives on, through me and my children as long as we remember her and the lessons she taught us.
Thank you for your compassion. 
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I like to believe so…
Just before my mom passed, my sister and I had finally talked her into going to a Phish concert with us. We REALLY thought this was gonna be the moment mom finally smoked with us. Mom needed a wheelchair by then (severe osteoporosis), and we mail-ordered our tix, even managing to get a coveted wheelchair seating area (not many available, AND closer to stage)… Mom passed in April of that year (concert was in June).
Anyway, we go to the show, and I swear mom was up in the rafters with us, watching from above. Music has always had a major effect on me emotionally, well written lyrics can impact me BIGTIME.
What song does Phish play that they confirm my beliefs?
Thats an actual recording from that night… And listening to it now I’m brought right back to that night, and my sister and I were bawling our eyes out… In a good way, because we KNEW mom was there with us… I still tear up hearing it, the lyrics are so appropriate for my moms battles with osteoporosis, and the piano and guitar in it are just so peaceful… If there was any one song I needed at that moment, THAT was it…
Ok… Story time over…
If ya wanna find some of the other lady growers here, this is a good thread to start with:
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