Bro, some years back my best mate and virtually a constant in my life passed away from heart failure in his sleep, so 45, smoked like a train, rode his motorbike like a lunatic with a death wish, bonged on more than any other human I have ever met and then dies of a completely unrelated freak event out of nowhere . It fkd me for a very long time and is still a giant hole that will never be filled. Time and being around other people you love and love you is the only thing that heals, and even then it doesnāt go away, you just think of it less often. Best wishes man and always remember to be kind to yourself.
7 Likes
Life is fragile and not guaranteed. Same thing happened to my buddy last year. A dude I went to high school with smoked a joint with his wife and went upstairs to take a shower before they watched a movie. He never got out of the shower.
Even sadder than that, my God daughter died of leukemia at 9 years old. She passed only 2 weeks after being diagnosed. My friend could not handle it. He wasnt strong enough.i dont blame him. He had everything. He was a millionaire. Had a three car garage double stacked with cars. Had a huge house and hot ass wife. He had a vacation home in the shuswaps. All that meant nothing to him. His ex wife hasnt heard from him in years and neither have I. He has disappeared. Some things have a value well beyond money. Makes me emotional just writing this. I still speak with Evaās mom from time to time. I still remember the day she was born. Life is short. Remind the people you love every day. Life is temporary and not guaranteed
8 Likes
Thatās so terrible. We try to understand why things like that happen, but sometimes I think they just happen and theres really no way to make sense of it. The universe is ambivalent.
Wise words to live by there.
5 Likes
Dearest Beacher, that is not true. Only the ignorance of mankind is terrible and it is the only problem of hu-mans. If you find truth you will understand. I understand what is going on on earth right now and when you develop the divine consciousness within yourself then it will be easy for each and everyone of us to love ourselves and others (and there is in truth no division for we are all ONE soul, one heart and one being) unconditionally and to forgive for you will see then the bigger picture, and reason and purpose of your interactions and why all inolved behaved the way they did.
There are no accidents, luck or bad luck in this universe for every thing is wonderfully and magically orchestrated by the godhead that we learn our lessons and get rid of the human vices and to develop the divine in us ans divine virtues. 
Hey dear ones, I am here for each and everone of you I you are open to truth and the divine laws to give you a helping hand so to speak with humble experience as an integrated full spectrum prism spiritual/psychological coach
I AM awaiting your questions if you will choose so here and in private messages 
I love you for you are me and me are you we are one!
4 Likes
Hello all Iāve been struggling for some time here,and as good as I have felt,Iām having what I find to be am extreme episode of depression, anxiety and,canāt seem to get back on course,I have a brutal head trauma,and have seen some amazing times, where I really have gotten better and with a better understanding,and I seem to be going around and around like Iām caught in a looped feed of some kind? Canāt really describe properly,Iām a world of anguish without a proper grow to keep me grounded, peace and love all,wish I was in better spirits,hate to be stuck
8 Likes
Make sure youāre doing the basicsā¦ eatin sleepin decentā¦exercise, etc.
If you have a decent Dr maybe get a checkup or bring him some weed. 
8 Likes
Try fish oil, vitamins E&D
4 Likes
Thank you guys for the suggestions,Iāve managed to get some veggies started outdoors and a couple other sprouts,Iāve discovered Marley! And have been doing a total emersion! Beautiful beautiful stuff,i think the worst thing I endure is not being able to provide for my family,and feel somewhat selfish, spending time,well,not providing,I havenāt made any progress in that area at all,so services should still be cut at any time,I donāt wish to complain,I feel so wealthy with my family and get confused with myself,and somehow lost my ability to focus on an idea at the best of times,I feel wealthy as part of this community,Iāve got so many quality offerings to grow and use as medication that I only need to finish some and put in jars,to cure. I reached out locally and hope ,well have hope today! Just having hope for today is a beautiful thing, peace and love all!!
PS.the next planned purchase of seeds will be a Bodhi seeds purchase!
4 Likes
Iāve heard it said that perhaps 5% of all people are free from mental illness and in a sick backwards word I do believe that it is true.
The good mind is entwined with a open heart ā¦
4 Likes
Ehhhā¦ been suicidal, lots of alcohol abuse, drinking til I vomited, then drinking some more was a regular thing, driving drunk, letting go of the steering wheel and closing my eyes to grab the wheel at the last moment, self-harming, my arms are full of scars. Was on Escitalopram (Sipralexa) twice for half a year, words can not express how I feel about that goddamn garbage. I kept drinking while taking them and it turned me into a monsterā¦
But anyway, all of these experiences were necessary for me to realizing my soul Self, made me find out that life is eternal and we are born from pure love, death is only switching frequency of existence, flipping dimensions, I died for 20 minutes in meditation, unspeakable bliss, unity, peace, all these words are only futile symbols for what happened. It canāt be put into wordsā¦ How did this happen? One day after a 6 month alcoholic bender (bottle of wine a day + irish coffees at work) after a bad breakup I decided I couldnāt go on like that anymore. Read about Rick Simpson Oil, made my own crude version of it, melting a chunk of hash into a tablespoon of olive oil for 3 hours at 100 degrees Celsius. Eating a tiny drop will get you to lalaland. This is where my recovery really started. And I wanted answers about the meaning of life, dived into philosophy, quickly realized it was mostly nonsense, then found Alan Watts, listened to every lecture I could find on youtube, then found Eckhart Tolle. Ding! Aha-moment. Then moved back to my home country, got 25 grams of Black Afghan hash, that shit was darker than dark chocolate and hard as a brick, same process, melted into olive oil. A drop a day + stated meditating, going as deeply into myself as possible, looking at all the memories that came up, the trauma, all the guilt, looked it straight into the eyes, accepted it, forgave myself, and imagined all the darknes taking shape of a person and hugging it. Life changing. Had to do this many times, every time something came up that made me feel like shit I hugged it. Also continued to let go of any and all judgement of others (the hardest part). Also studied zen more deeply: Osho, Jiddu Krishnamurti, etc along with channeled stuff from Lee Carroll (Kryon) and Barbara Marciniak (far out stuff), 4-5 months later it happened, sober, meditating, asked: Dear Spirit, show me what I need to know. And boy did I get shownā¦ a flood of tears drenched my shirt, I sat there motionless for 20 minutesā¦ the only way I can describe it is that I turned into a waterfall of love and bliss, total transcendence, union, eternal divine infinity. The next 3-4 months or so I walked around in a haze of bliss, I donāt remember anything from those months but it was magical, and I could still function, I had a very easy factory job. Anyway, I kept going with the hash oil until I ran out, then was completely sober again for a couple of months, found out Iām hyper sensitive, more than ever before, started CBD oil, great, but I wanted to be perpetually blissful again so that I can be my most peaceful and loving self more easily. Didnāt wanna depend on dealers and couldnāt grow my own at the time for various reasons and tbh it also didnāt cross my mind yet, so I started buying psilocybin truffels from Zamnesia (they sell worldwide with a few exceptions), the Valhalla strain is amazing. 1/3rd a bag a day to get through the winter (not recommended, they only last 2 days once opened, puked more than once), early spring I felt I was overloading and my body needed a break, recently they started selling microdosing packages so eating that now, one dose every other day and daily CBD oil, and Iāve never felt more sane and clearheaded.
Missing that body stone though so now started growing after I found some Speed Devil 2 seeds that I forgot I bought a decade ago. Will also grow for a friend who has a very strange kind of epilepsy.
This turned into quite a chunk of text but there you go. Donāt hesitate to message me, my only purpose in life is to help people who are ready and willing to heal from the condition we call human life But I realize though that you canāt really help anyone much, you can only point to information and in a general roundabout way to who they truly are. To live in the moment without judgement and detaching from your thoughts and emotions, to observe them, to be awareness itself is all that is needed, but easier said than done
Peace.
9 Likes
āIāve always been crazy but itās kept me from goinā insaneā¦ā Waylon Jennings
5 Likes
You should try dmt5. Fix you right up.
3 Likes
my Neurologist many years ago, told me: āItās like thisā¦ Most brain waves are what we refer to as āNormalā, What you (referring to me) have here is a failure to āCommunicate or Handshakeā between the Normal waves and these other brain waves, Oh, weāll call them āAbnormalā for the sake of naming themā¦ This is what causes the migraines you are experiencing.ā
I shit you not, the dude sat there and was telling me I had abnormal brain waves and just had to live with it! While he was telling me this I was half querious if he was a big fan of Cool Hand Luke and Young Frankenstein and tried to merge the 2 movies into one patient meeting because I could have sworn I heard him say āAbby Normalā when he said āAbnormalā
7 Likes
A truly inspirational post @Rogue.One. I identify with so much of it. Meditation, the right cannabis, and a study of Buddhism brought me out of a self loathing, destructive Major depression. Daily micro dosing of mushrooms provided more relief and well being than the meds I am prescribed but I just donāt have access to them.
ā. To live in the moment without judgement and detaching from your thoughts and emotions, to observe them, to be awareness itself is all that is needed, but easier said than doneā
Tru dat my brother! All love and respectā¦
6 Likes
yur extraordinarily brave.
Dude, we are all fucked up, lolā¦ IDC how mentally strong someone is, if u live a double life and lie to everyone, for an extended period of time, it is bound to fuck with yur psyche. The extreme loneliness, isolation and lying that is necessary to be a grower, has to warp oneās view of reality and fuck with how u interact with āreal peopleā (non-criminals) ā¦ Im sure it has fucked with meā¦
I have lived in an altered reality for 26 years manā¦ One foot in the real world, other foot planted firmly in the drug world. Ive been legal since last year, yet I still struggle to deal with how the legal world worksā¦ I dont do well with people, im good for short interactions, but iāve lied for so long, i struggle sometimes with extended interactions and being real and letting down my guard with the legal people that i meet in a legal settingā¦ Im solid when it comes to close my friends of my inner circle, always have beenā¦
Keep up the good fight, never say die. and realize no matter how bad it gets, your not the only one. and the sun will come up tomorrowā¦
10 Likes
Thatās some heavy stuff there. Iām glad itās worked out for you, I think we all have to figure things out in our own ways.
My problem is Iām actually a pretty contented person, I just despise our modern world and a large portion of people in it. I hate playing āthe gameā. Can be hard to come to grips with.
In the words of Brian Wilson I guess I just wasnāt made for these timesā¦
5 Likes
Try these, theyāre truffels, technically not mushrooms, so they can legally sell them, but theyāre pretty much the same thing. Good quality and they send world wide. Last at least two months in the fridge. Very happy with them. They recommend every 3 days, but I find they work best every other day.
Make an account and then load them into your shoppingcart and then log off and wait.
Within a day or a few days youāll get an email from them with a 5% discount code because they want you to finish your purchase.
8 Likes
Tmi-sorry Shouldnāt be posting here sorry.
2 Likes
Donāt worry about it, donāt give in to feelings of guilt or shame, weāre all healing, itās a process. Be proud of having come a long way and still being here. Be excellent to yourself first and foremost, then being excellent to others will be second nature.
3 Likes
I amā¦i donāt know who to really talk toā¦
2 Likes