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Hey dear one, since the goal of an incarnation is EVOLUTION its feels not good to be stuck 
I AM here for anyone who has mental health lessons, feel free and send me a message 
I can explain to you your lessons and then everythings rolls again LOVE!
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Yeah brother! Iāll kick you a message! I would love to have an understanding of what I am dealing with,I would love to stop this cycle
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Iām just checking back in. I hope Ever one is well. I was spinning hard out a control. I was able to get back on track. Iāve lowered my Dr recommended dose 4 2mg alpr. a day to .5mg a day. Iāve stopped all illicit drug use. Do not lower doses of meds w/o Dr. approval. I had to for personal safety.
High the Indicas have been my savior. Itās my silver bullet . My girlfriends back. Thank God. I realised I wonāt give my life up for substances or dope fiends. I deffinitely have to leave the city. After the riots, itās been so bad. Fucking fentanyl has killed half the people I grew up with.
Itās nice to have somewhere to be me. Humble not always combative. Iām feel things I havenāt in a long time itās nice. I forgot how good it was just to let the sun hit me. Hope all of yāall are safe. Please talk to someone. Thanks for having this thread up. If anyone wants to shoot the shit donāt hesitate. Be safe.
-J
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Thatās what OG does for us all bro. Iām in a prohibition country where I sell product so I canāt always be the nice calm humble person I get to be here. I am not diagnosed with any mental illness but I think anyone can have problems whether their diagnosed or not.
Iāve never been a user of the hard stuff like yourself but Iāve plenty of friends who ādabbleā but I live in a city where I think the stats are one in 6 people use some kind of hard drugs weāre in top 5 worst cities to live in tho so bare that in mind 
Gunna sound cheesy but I have changed my life from hanging around idiots but what helped me was a Rogan podcast, this one:
It is a podcast on addiction now my only addiction in my life is the whacky backy 
whether you argue and say itās not addictive bla bla fuck off with that shit I struggle with my addiction and that being said he states some very good points about how living in social circles like basically every human being does itās hard to get out of the shit. For instance a study in rats(this is in the podcast) they caged multiple rats in a smaller cage and multiple rats in a bigger cage they made little rat communities and both studies had clean water alongside cocaine water. In the smaller cage with nothing to distract them they used more cocaine water more frequently and some died and if you think about it us āusersā are the rats in a small cage there is no distractions in our lives to make us not think about using. And our āfriendsā who all do the same thing donāt care about you trying to change theyāre gunna stay in the little cage getting high every waking minute of the day. So to change you need to change the crowd you run with but thatās difficult coz you think these people are there for you and theyāre your friends but then you want to change, so the dynamic changes your friends change the way you see your friends changes because theyāre not supporting you now. Now you want to stop doing the same shit as them they donāt support your decision because youāre no longer sharing the same opinion(taking whatever shit they do)
One of my best friends is an ex crack addict weāre close friends because we share similar opinions so he doesnāt want to smoke all day every fuckin day. His world and my world do not revolve around smoking weed, but majority of my other āfriendsā all sit at home all day everyday smoking. When I said I was stopping they were all like but why, I donāt get why youād give it up THERES WORSE THINGS TO BE DOING that one always gets me 
but that is not the point youāre trying to change your life why not support your fellow man rather than questioning his actions.
Then you come to the conclusion, they are not your friends. They donāt have your best at heart because if they did then theyād be there with you cheering you on fucking go you man you said you was gunna do it now you have! Nah them old faces are always offering you shit, on a nice day oh me an this guy are off to X place, you comin bro? What are yous goin there for? To chill in the sunshine have a smoke. Yehh but you know I donāt smoke anymore. Oh but one day wonāt hurt right?.. coming back to my point if you want to truly change you need people who donāt judge you whoāre gunna support you but that still tell you when something is a bad idea. Not an easy thing to come by where Iām from but if ya wanna change you need friends who are friends with the new you not the old you. 
sorry for the paragraph bro hope ya watch the podcast hope it changes your fuckin life bro Iām not saying stop smoking each to their own but Iāve changed mine an itās not easy we all struggle with something n for me it is my addiction. 
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My Brother @Baltimore. Do you have the resources and ability to leave the city? Find yourself a quiet place and be still and quiet for 10 minutes every day. Breathe, count the blessings in your life, get stoned and slow down. I guarantee if I moved back to the city I would be addicted in 2 weeks to something! Iām in the country now and Iāve found peace.
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I take benzos occasionally for anxiety. I try to be very careful with them as I know theyāre very addictive and can lead to making anxiety worse. I recently got some passionflower (in powder form) from a local health store and Iām amazed at how well it works. It totally takes the edge off and relaxes me.
Turns out in studies theyāve shown it to be as effective as benzos for people with none of the crappy side effects. Give it a try if you can find some. Stay strong!
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Yeah I actually had family in Virginia and a father in Georgia. My cousin works for Norfolk Southern. Nothingās holding me here besides my mother living here. My brothers in Hagerstown he just got sentenced to 5 years so I wonāt see him again. Iāve seen my brother for a total of 4 months in the past 17 years.
After coming off of what Iāve been coming off Iām not willing to give up anything that I have gained. Marijuana has brought me full circle in my life. Itās not a cure-all but I used it effectively in my life to help with anxiety or some things Iāve been going through. Benzos quickly became my DOC. Believe me dude as soon as I get the money Iām gone thereās nothing here Iāll put my mom in the back of the car and take her with me. Iāve put her through heāll. She should be a saint.
I appreciate you hollering at me. Things have been ultimately getting better since Iāve stopped using. My mother and I have a good relationship and my father and I are talking now. Iāve come from the darkest spot Iām looking forward to some later days. Holler at me if you need me
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Onward, through the fog!
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You make my day better @oleskool830. Iām glad I got the opportunity to have someone lead by example. I guess Iām saying thanks for caring enough for a stranger. I hope you have many happy weed filled years to come. Thanks bro and anyone else whoās hurting. Your not alone, talk to someone. Yāall be safe. Happy 4th tanks!
-J
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@Baltimore I havenāt had problems with addiction aside from cigarettes, but I have Zanax for anxiety. How I handle them is very carefully. I use the following rules because quite frankly they are very enjoyable. I never take more than 1 pill in a day and only touch them at last resort. If I have taken them 2 days in a row already and I go for the bottle, I donāt allow myself to take them as by the 3rd day I know I am only trying to get high and stick to my weed only. Donāt know if this helps, but this is what I do to make sure I donāt become strung out on them.
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Absolutely. Iāve been on them since my late teens by a Dr. I have anxiety to the point of being gorophobic. The Drs up here agree I need to go up on the anxiety. Iām with them at least 2mg a day.
I had to go down for a bit to drop the rest of the habits. Iām in a sweet spot right now. The hard opiates made me a monster. Thank God I donāt have that gorilla on my back. Thanks for the kind words. I had a seizure coming off benzos too fast. God that hurts. Have a good one. 
-J
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I used to RELY on Xanax 3x/day about 7 yrs ago after my PTSD & etc. got worse. Small doses fwiw but developed the dependency & without it I was fucked. This was an awkward nightmare having no healthcare insurance at the time. The ACA/Obamacare made it plentiful. 
Then I grew my own weed with intent & effort and after that first harvest I used about 3 doses over a year. 
I think it has been 2+ years since I āneededā one. 
I discovered OG & my gardening has improved a lot. Itās also essential to me now. 
Lemon Balm was recommended in this very thread by @gordongecko (hey man, hope youāre well 
) as an alternative to Xanax or for anyone with difficult anxiety. Itās AMAZING. 
It is like a mild or weak xanax but without the dizziness & less blood pressure drop in my experience. And my terminally ill mother is now a believer as well. 
Thanks again @gordongecko, youāre a good dude.
@Baltimore I canāt recommend Lemon Balm enough; itās cheap & safe & available in grocery stores. Even overgrow your own. 
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Thank you so much. I tell myself that I need massive doses of benzos but thatās not the case it can be managed with other ways and Iām seeing that now. Iāll get there. Like I said Iām mentally sick but I have to stop using that as any kind of an excuse for excess use of benzos. Realizing that then actually applying it is the keyā¦I believe that anyway. Lobe you guys. Be safe. And love your body for who you are. Donāt let em rip you up because you want change in your life.
Iām going through all of it. Just kill em with kindness. I shine you shine we shine is how itās supposed to be. Should be. People find a way to EFF everything good up. Guy was smoking out front the dispensary this morning in a big was sale line. Idiots. Later
J
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thereās probably more still 
but I suggest you grab some Lemon Balm(about $10US for a bottle of capsules, powdered leaf).
try and replace one of your regular xanax doses with one or 2 lemon balm.
i wouldnāt be so admanant if I didnāt think it were life-changing.
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Itās almost impossible to kill and will spread everywhere if you let it. I just pulled some with massive roots out of a place where it didnāt belong and handed it to a friend. 
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I keep mine in pots. Just started growing it this year. Eventually it will be big enough to harvest and dry. Maybe I will try to capsulate it.
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I have mine in pots too. That does not keep it from spreading, trust me.
It loses essential oils quickly when dried, so I soak some in 50% vodka or 96% ethanol. Makes a nice good night drink (diluted to a drinkable percentage of alcohol).
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I got some loose, dried lemon balm and used it in tea and it didnāt do anything for me. Iāll have to try some capsules. Passionflower tea has been really great though, puts me into the chillll zone haha
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