Thanks brother just placed an order for some hemp flower( birthday cake) looking forward to making my own oil tinctures with the magical butter machine hopefully will be here by weekend or on Monday at the latest. Need to get my hands on some high CBD Seeds now.
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im a new guy here, im typing this cause i got shocked by a post from a member that kinda solidified my self examination opinion, that i may suffer from schizophrenia, and it just cracked me up, i havent cried in years, ive always been a fighter, i fought with depression, won, drug addiction, won, alcohol addiction, won, got my life in order, ive been trough so much abuse as a child and ive won, but ive been worse and worse each year, i abused myself so much, i was on brink of death about 5 times, i was using so much drugs and did so much dangerous things, i was mixing all kind of shit im brain damaged for sure, one year some things were too much for me, and i just cracked open, i just disappeared in myself, and never came back, and the symptoms from then, i dunno, i just negated them, perscribed them to psychoses that i tought i can keep under control, after all ive done and been trough, i just came to place of stability, taking care of myself with a legal income, having a project im working on, a vision for my future, but there was always this perpetrating symptoms that i dunno, now it seems i was running from them, my main bitching point is, i cant afford this, my mental breakdowns resulted in me just being disassociated from everything, and i removed myself from my friends not to hurt them, it still haunts me how some of them looked at me, told me i need help, and i just left cause i had to get off drugs and get a place to live and i was in such a need i didnt want them to worry about me and deal with my problems, i tought one day maybe, when i get better, more stable, ill deserve to come back to their lives, but now it seems like it will never be possible, and i crush it at my job, every day seems like a victory, but there are these moments of meā¦ just dissapearing into this void, which i usually brush off and do what is neededā¦ but hearing voices, having talks, with such childish imaginative things, i just didnt careā¦ i cant go to doctor and have a schizofrenic tag on me, i will never find a job again, i medicate myself with black market xanax and valium (alprazolam and diazepam), and if im really schizofrenic, i know myself, ill never allow myself to enter someones live, i had such a beautiful people in my life, i was hoping to see them again, i want to hug them so much, i want to listen to them, everything that i missed, but there is no cure for schizofrenia, only dealing with symptoms, ill look into it some more, see if its even possible to self diagnose by just being thorough with online information, i gotta get an answerā¦ anyway, ill be off this forum for goodā¦ i dont think its good idea to interact with people knowing i could be a hazard, and knowing there are symptoms that pertained trough my whole life, that i kept under a rug, that may harm others, and to conclude, i want to give my share of opinion on some things that helped me trough all this mental struggle:
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you are the main source, of both problem and a cure, it all depends on you, if you want to win, you have to win every day, and you have to examine every loss, you have to come close to yourself and have a capacity to deal with your worst, and you also have to have hope you will succeed, believe in it, because you can, i promise you, you just think you cant
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there is a big connection of body and mind - sometimes medication work, and is needed to balance your hormones in brain, like anxiolytics and antidepressives, workout does wonder for clarity, omega 3 and vitamin d is imho a must when repairing brain from drug abuse, depression etc.
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we work trough patterns and habits - your brain will want to go back to that scary, dark place all the time and it will fight your will to change it, you need to examine and come to the source of it, go back to that trauma in a safe space, accept yourself that was hurt, and with parenting love heal it, but after all that, you need a new process or a habit to take place, new hobby, sport, art, whatever, new friends, adventure, there will be a hole in yourself and it can become a target for new wounds if not solidified by new ego material
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like with workout, key is in persistence, i got depression when i was very young, sometimes i couldnt move my body for 5-6 hours, i would scream and shout in myself but my body wouldnt flinch, it took me about 6 years of almost everyday work on myself, to deal with all the trauma, repair and rebuild myself, and for someone it may seem it is 6 years lost for good, i see it as next 40-50 won backā¦ every day is a chance for either win, or loss, it depends on youā¦ if you deal with drug addiction, remove yourself from any past friends (what kind of friend would give you drugs knowing youre leaving it?! ), old places (coming to old town may trigger that junkie in you back), old everything, as i described, you need to replace it with something, and stay away FOR GOOD! one mistake could remove all the effort you made, so be careful!
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my own experience - i couldnt get off drugs so easily, so i started to use alcohol a lot instead (about half liter of whiskey every day), but for some reason it was easier to get off it, than from drugs, and fucking decision was made, either i stop or i put a bullet in my head, i had a gun with full clip at my friends place waiting for it, but i wasnt so serious until i snapped seeing myself woking up in a puke, with hands shaking for first morning sip, so maybe its that anger and snapping that took place, but first and foremost - there was strong will to stop, then disgust of who i was, then all-in mentality kicked in that i formed with my battle with depression, i took it seriously, started with supplements (vitamins plus vitamin 3, ginko, omega 3), started working out and eating regularly (VERY IMPORTANT!), and in the meantime got myself lost in work, and i did it, never again did i do drugs (couple of times i did amphetamines, and altough sometimes i crave for them, i just remember my good old routine of bashing my hand with hammer, and its all good) i have a beer or two from time to time, but i always get very easily drunk and i just hate myself seeing like that, last time i had 3 beers about 2 weeks ago, before that i think at beginning of december or something like thatā¦
so basically, you need to replace your junkie mentality with something else, get a job, get responsibilities, get good at it, and be dead serious about itā¦ sorry for the long post, i tried not to bitch too much, and still give some advice, stay strong and stomp like a bull! its your life, live it!
i really liked this forum, there are such good people here, i wish you to stay like that, you are rare example of a healthy community in this sick world, thank you for all the good advices you gave me! <3
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Amen & best wishes, friend! 
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I just read this. I want you to know that we share a bond and that there is empathy in my heart and mind for you. Empathy doesnāt mean that I know exactly what you feel and it isnāt pity or sorrow. To me, it means that I suffer with you and even though I may have sadness, if I could talk to you, I would try to cheer you up because comedy is how I cope. You already have a plan. You know that the execution of that plan depends on your actions. Iām punching you on the shoulder and telling you āevery little thing is gonna be alrightā and I sound exactly like Bob Marley. Keep good music in your heart and remember to try and have fun. Love is real and āheavenā is right here on Earth. I believe it. Do you believe it? I said, I believe it! Do you believe it? Well, letās go then!
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Hey, do ya have any pics? Used to run a import (repair) shop, worked mostly on BMW, Alfa and Hondaās.
There was a 2002 on the lot, not sure what year, wish I had bought it!
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Damn. Howād we get on to car talk in this thread? 
Iām feeling mental 
so Iāll reply here-- no, no pics of my old PoS '74 2002. 
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Was it a particular CBD oil or a generic version? I get emails daily from ppl trying to sell me CBD oil. So many that I donāt trust any of them. Always looking for non prescription treatment for depression. Hurkle is one of the best strains Iāve found. Thanks brother.
Blessings ā¦
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Yes! After completing my 2nd trip to rehab in the 80s, I moved to another state where I didnāt know a soul. It worked for about 3 years. 
My friend Kinky Friedman always said āRehabās for Quittersā
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Www.industrialhempfarms.com Iv had both the 83 mg/ml and the 160 mg /ml and they worked really well I believe it to be made from isolate their hemp flower is what Iām currently making mtc oil tincture from a wider spectrum from flower Which has more benefits IMO
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While I donāt recommend anyone with substance abuse issues do what I did I actually managed to reach some level of equilibrium with my head. I never went into drugs with the mentality to escape, but to make my head work better only. I prefer to use shrooms and LSD to help me to accept what I canāt and this last trip actually managed to get them to name themselves in my head finally. My memory is finally starting to come back after I removed the mental block I placed as a kid when I finally worked through what caused it way back then.
I did a lot of the same and isolated myself from others for their sake, but also because I couldnāt handle being social. When I was a kid they tried to diagnose me with schizophrenia because of the voices in my head, but they donāt tell me to do anything. Theyāre closer to other personalities if anything and now they actually found a way to talk to me. I stopped living in denial and came out to my family and fiance. Everyone has been very accepting of my new lifestyle and Iāve actually felt a lot more in control of my head finally.
It wasnāt a short journey for sure. For the first 2 years I denied the trip message and wound up feeling more anxious and depressed. I had to take a high enough dose to feel one with the universe. Full ego death. This last year Iāve been following the messages as they come and each time regardless of the message if I follow it I feel significantly more happy.
It wasnāt easy and at times I wanted to stay in denial after finding out, but I chose to accept it this time and stress and anxiety levels are near 0. Itās surreal.
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Worked better than trazadone for my depression/anxiety itās good pricing IMO almost seems like once a month they have flash sales for a 24-48 hour period where most of there stuff is 30-50 % off picked up a 4 oz for 140$ not IMO A few seeds here and their but not much
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Iv had both the birthday cake and now Iām working through the chemdog I recently purchased both tasted good birthday cake was like a vanilla frost tasted and Iām getting pretty good cherry flavors coming from the chemdog
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Even though itās considered hemp which by law is supposed to be at or below 0.3% I still get a slight buzz from time to time
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The last few months fast tracked my journey after my grandpa passed early this year. I wound up completely isolating myself from even family and my fiance. it became a repeat of 2004-2008 all over again with everyone closest to me emotionally dying. I wound up taking 5g pans soon after and had a message where I talked to him telling me itās alright to be sad. Only this last trip I finally let myself cry about it. He was the only one in my family who never judged someone on anything. I used his tips for lsd on the last trip and itās been extremely useful for dealing with the grief without hurting myself this time.
The added bonus is I found out about myself in a way I thought was just an afterthought as a teenager, but turns out was not just an afterthought.
Itās all very wordy, but overall even when life keeps throwing you down you have to find where the good is in it or youāll never dig yourself out of whatever hole you buried yourself in. It will suck and it wonāt be instant.
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Hereās is the COA of their chem dog.
https://industrialhempfarms.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Chemdawg-5-28-20.pdf
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Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
Lao Tzu
Blessingsā¦
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Iāve been really internally frustrated by people who are chafing under social distancing or quarantine, simply because it is difficult or unpleasant.
This has nothing to do with politics.
This is because I am disabled. I had to give up all my activity, my friends, my routines, and pretty much everything that we take for granted. My body changed and twisted before my eyes like a Cronenberg movie.
And I simply accepted it, as gracefully as possible, because I had to. Because there was no healthy alternative. It was only way to move forward.
So to see people complaining about quarantine, saying stuff like (and these are real quotes) āno human could be raised to tolerate these conditions,ā āno one could stay sane without socialization,ā āwe canāt be expected to give up our livesā
Well, someone who expresses this sentiment must really look down on someone like me, to describe my life as an unbearable condition that no one should be expected to tolerate.
From where I sit, these people are weak willed cowards.
I went through weeks at a time when it would have been easier to end it all than continue to feel that level of physical pain for another moment, easier than experiencing extreme physical change, and the apparent loss of identity that comes with it.
But Iām not a fucking coward.
So I just laughed my way through it. I held on to my intellect and let my body go. I was glad for every moment I had, and every breath I took. No matter how much I suffered. And I always will be. No matter what happens to me, what my condition does to me, or what life takes away from me. I always will be.
.
This probably all sounds fucking insane. sorry everybody.
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Not insane. Logical. I personally still risk my dealer only after knowing him for years and how OCD he is about cleanliness. I could still catch something from him in the end and Iāve accepted that. I cut off all my friends that wonāt stop asking me to chill. The idiots complaining have no idea about a headset. Without that to talk to my online friends I donāt even play with them. Let the extraverted people suffer.
People like to make it something political, but itās not. The whole world wouldnāt pretend for american politics LoL 
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Itās part of why I trip now. I need the power to accept what I canāt. Something I struggle to do normally.
I tried the old fashioned way to just feel mentally stable with willpower and forgiveness. It really only gets me so far before I snap into an autistic cycle I canāt seem to escape.
I resorted to forcing the change with psychedelics instead after trying and failing for years with weed alone. Unfortunately with whatās up with my head weed alone doesnāt keep me chill. Not anymore. It got to where I could dab 5g shatter a day. Mental progress was starting to move backwards.
Last week I finally took the plunge with 5 tabs and I never expected what Iād find out about myself.
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@zephyr most of us 
ARE clueless but not ALL. 
Thanks for being understanding as you are.
I saw a guy with a leg amputation & for some reason I thought āDamn. 1 shoe. Every time.ā 
Very happy to hear you rolling with the punches these days Oni. 
Me? Iām ready to punch stuff. 
But it was 104F in my house yesterday, so I get some slack. 
Right? 
OverGrow!
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