Take care of yourself and know that there’s people here pulling for you regardless of what news may come. Positive vibes headed your way pal.
2 Likes
Mine is back out in the field again. I really don’t feel like it’s me. Still I feel like is the rest of the world. Had a conversation with somebody they told me they just don’t like talking to people. She told me it’s none of their business if I’m having a good or a bad day. It’s like last night everything going good and then this comment comes up about where am I going to live. That’s rough especially when you have a child. I feel like she’s been setting me up all along. Tries to play little games. I have major problems with my past family. I like how people tell me I need help especially when I look at them and I feel like they need help.
3 Likes
The answer is 
3 Likes
Some MDMA would be good
1 Like
I created a new account. I don’t want to be linked and seen through this. I have no idea why I feel the need to say this publicly. I usually keep things to myself…
I feel really bad. I’ve never been this tired.
Dysfunctional family, alcoholism, violence… I have a brother who is four years older. All memories associated with him are beatings, belittling, beatings… From the first memories. He had some fucking disorder. I held on as long as I could. I didn’t crack all the way, I never stopped resisting… I even became quite skilled. I quickly convert everything into a weapon.
He got addicted to heroin, alcohol, pills… Parents had a strange relationship with him. They paid all the lawyers, fines, got him out of the shit. They paid for treatment, psychiatry. They also paid for hepatitis treatment, only to be infected again a year later…
I left at 18. Tried to study, sailed in the merchant navy, beat the sea on fishing boats… He stayed at home. Bullied everyone around him. He beat parents, several times he held a knife or a glass under mother’s neck…
The parents had another property. A small house on the coast. During breaks in sailing, I spend time there. He came several times, always making demands, stealing money and things, causing trouble…
One time I was sitting in a bar. He came. After some time he started provoking the waitress. She had a bigger nose and he made fun of her. I warned him… In the end, he entered the bar while she was picking something up from the floor and rubbed himself on her bottom. I threw him out, he attacked me, I beat him. I went further, he followed me and attacked me again and cut me with a knife. Then I demolished him, knocked out his teeth, severe concussion… That was my folding knife. He prepared it
While taking some exams for naval school, I met a women. She had a little baby. Now she is a 15-year-old girl who considers me a father and loves me. After a few years, we had a son. I stopped with navigation and I’m struggling to feed my family. We live in a house on the coast.
My brother came quite a few times, received a nice welcome, and every time a problem would arise.
He was declared unfit for work. He got a pension. Mother died and he inherited her pension. Father died, he also inherited his. He has never work anything, and he receives a good amount of money.
I also have a sister. She is married and lives in her hometown. He made her life hell.
We have decided to sell the properties and dissolve all relationships.
First, the property where he lived was sold. I went to collect some things and take care of the paperwork.
I told him not to appear down there and not to think of coming down there to live by any chance. If that’s what he wants, then I will move out, remove everything from the house and leave bare walls. Because I bought and made everything there…
The other option I offered him was for him to rent an apartment and for me to pay him half the rent until the house is sold. At first there was an excess, but after a couple of days he agreed.
He had a month to leave the house. That month passed and he showed up at my door. He was polite for two days, ate my food… My mother-in-law was with us because my wife and I work like horses in the summer and she would cook something and take care of the children.
He reported his place of residence. Then the excesses began, attempts at manipulation, blackmail…
One of the things that keeps me going is psilocybin mushrooms. My life is much easier with them. I had outdoor patch and he noticed it. He also realized that I have several jars of LC in the fridge. He wanted to talk about it all the time. He tried to record me talking, but he didn’t succeed…
I told him to find an apartment as soon as possible.
While I was at work, he was talking to someone on the phone and telling that person that I sell mushrooms, that I am drugged all the time… He said this in front of my mother-in-law…
When I got home I told him he had until tonight to leave. He said that he found an apartment and that I should pay him half. The price he asked for was x4 higher than a normal one-room apartment. I told him there was no way I would pay him, and then he said he wasn’t going anywhere and was staying here. I threw him and his things out and told him I would break all his bones if I saw him near. I also told him that I would not pay him anything. He left and I started receiving threats. Constant…
Now a year has passed since that. Two months ago, he blocked the sale of the house and tried to come. But he doesn’t have the balls to appear before me. He harasses with messages, threatens with the police, the court…
On Sunday, three policemen came to my door. I didn’t let them into the house because they didn’t have a warrant. He reported me not to let him into his house. They were trying to enter, as if they could see the space… We were sitting on the terrace and I told them that they would have to come again if he appeared, but that this time they would have to arrest me. After the conversation with them and their behavior, I realized that there is something else at play.
Basically, when he was here a year ago, he took a couple of photos of my eleven-year-old son next to mushrooms, next to LC… And he gave that to the police…
When they left I trashed clones, seeded plants, two monotubes, a bunch of colonized jars. About 700g of weed, equipment, seeds I took to my mother-in-law house. In a hurry, I threw away some of my seeds, collected pollen…
There was material for several years of prison.
I’ve been in a bad state for five days. He is somewhere in the area. He conttact police in a larger city nearby. He spent all the money from the sale of the house. I’m waiting for him to appear…
I have an extreme killer urge.
And I’m so fucking tired and I don’t care what happens to me.
Court order paper trail assault charges maybe financial charges (can’t say) no contact. Lawyer.
No contact.
Edit: if he shows up call the police immediately and tell them he’s not welcome and hopefully he can be arrested.
5 Likes
Don’t act on your impulse. Time to part company. Even if it’s family separating from toxic and manipulative personalities is essential otherwise you’ll forever become a slave to his psychology.
Protect your assets. Work towards breaking that bond and get on with your life, not his. Sadly. Keep documentation, notate any incoming phone calls time, date and details, save any SMS. What @Foreigner says.
It may be difficult and depressing in the near term but that weight will be lifted in the long run.
7 Likes
It might not even. That first step to freedom feels so good.
5 Likes
Thank you @Foreigner @Northern_Loki
I am thinking about this situation. It struck me somehow - philosophically.
What I wrote is just a drop. One thing that shaped me dramatically was - war. For a few years as a teenager, the reality was shells, airplanes, and everything that goes with it…
Am I a slave like Northern_Loki said? I do not think so!
Mental health? I can’t understand that concept at all. Is it some statistical quantity?
I’m a plant that sprouted in this fucking soil, with these genetics, with such winds and storms… I’ll never be a trophy Girl Scout Cookie clone grown in perfect conditions. Nor do I aspire to it.
All I have is this authentic living. It is what it is. There is no other
I felt threatened, I felt that my family were threatened, and I am sure that the reaction is completely healthy, natural…
Automatically wanting someone else to solve your most life-threatening problems - I think that’s actually a real mental illness and slavery
Fortunately, he hasn’t appeared yet. I’m a little calmer and I hope he won’t come
photo wont do anything in court unless by some miracle they could grab your fingerprint off the bag/jar of mushrooms through the photo, sounds extremely expensive.
there is documented past of the guy who took the photo using drugs and being deceitful.
2 Likes
Assuming a disguise and spouting that you want to murder your brother: not healthy.
4 Likes
I micro dose every Sunday morning. Blue honey. This morning I had 2.5 tenths of gram. John Allen infused honey in my Yogi Blueberry slime life tea while I ate my oatmeal.
I rotate every Sunday. Strains- John Allen, Creeper, Texas Yellow Caps
Maco dose once a month. Usually a gram along with 10 MG of Cannabis gummies. Then I vape.
Keeps my PTSD anxiety at bay and that keeps depression at bay. Before I started micro dosing I had to barricade my bedroom door to sleep with one eye open.
Titrating cannabis and is Key. 
8 Likes
I won’t log in with this account again…
Just to say thank you and apologize for throwing out the dark aspects…
He didn’t show up, and my sister told me that he came back. Obviously he doesn’t dare.
In his abnormality, however, he made a good judgement. Especially after what he did.
I also found out what he told the police. That I sell, that my wife and I are drugged all the time, that our children are exposed… And through a conversation with a couple of people, I found out that he actually - hates me.
The truth is that I have never sold a gram of anything in my life, that my wife has never tried anything in her life except weed twenty years ago… And I microdose and occasionally take a stronger dose. I’m even a light stoner. One light joint a day. Neither alcohol nor anything else.
I shared it with my friends, traded it for some things… but I never sold it.
The worst part is that I don’t know how to continue growing weeds.
And thanks to the good folks at OG, I have a nice selection of genetics
Once again, I apologize and thank you
4 Likes
No, it’s actually good that we know who you are. It’s not good to have two accounts here.
I have a few friends. I’m psychotic. I have multiple personalities. No, it is true. And I know their names. There are four of me. Yes, there are. I keep it under control. The worst thing that you can do is not to believe in mental health. You have to understand we’re not the problem. It is the rest of the world that we don’t get along with. Does that make us bad? I don’t believe so. I believe it makes a Special. I’ll see more and more of it every day. I want felt like I was lost. I was just gonna walk out into the ocean. The ocean is a metaphor for life. The ocean is everything. It can be your friend. It also is very destructive. You have to understand you have a mental problem. The best way to understand that is a know’s what triggers it. For me anything and trigger me. When I am in that mode, I do not see clearly. I feel like I’m in a bag. I can’t get out. No matter how hard I hit that paper bag it covers me it consumes me. It breaks me down. When you understand that that is when you are the winner. I have tattoos. I’m fixing to get another one. That says let it ride. @Northern_Loki and @Foreigner are my friends. They have some good advice. I feel like I know Loki in real life. Some of the things that this person says. It reminds me of someone. But that is fine. Foreigner is a great guy. What you have to do is figure out what piece of the puzzle you are. Once you do that you gotta let everything go. I have to read things several times when I’m in a mental state. I’m not sure if you’re attacking me. Not sure if you’re bragging on me. These are the problems we have. Like I said, you need to figure out what are your triggers. When you do that you need to stick to a schedule. That’s one thing crazy people like to do. Don’t change it up. If someone wants to change you let them go. I haven’t found any medication at all in my entire life that helps me like what I do here. Good luck to you my friend. And don’t disappear. Get you a nice avatar. Stay around for a while.
4 Likes
A few misspellings. Some bad grammar. Too much for me to change up. But I hope you get the point. We love you. Everyone here on OG are here for you. Some may not want to hear it. I’ve definitely heard and seen it from other people. And I have definitely bled my feelings. Hold your head up. That is the best thing to do. Do little things for yourself. Treat yourself. Make your bed every day. No matter how bad you feel. Keep your bedroom clean. That is your private area. That is your safety.
One Love
4 Likes
Thanks for the kind words.
Being different is not a crime.
I’m special in both senses of the word.
6 Likes
I’ve always felt like you’ve been here for others. Sometimes the topics get a little heated. But you keep your composure. You don’t get all loopy…
I hope you have a great day, my friend
4 Likes
I have strong opinions. Someone told Mrs Foreigner this in real life just the other day “ask Foreigner what he thinks because he’s a man with opinions.”
And I have my moments, not all of them good.
Have a good day and be well.
6 Likes
It’s a compliment, damnit. 
2 Likes
Save this. Remember it whenever you feel yourself getting uptight.
4 Likes