I took it as one. It’s funny because it was a text message dictated by the car and I wasn’t supposed to hear it 
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Being different sometimes leads to crime. 
“word on the street”
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Everything depends on my psychological health, so don’t worry about anything, we are alone
Still doing better. Not feeling as bad. True nothing wrong with different. I think we are saints it’s the rest of the world that is lost. The problem with me is I see you doing things that are wrong. Meaning the world. We do it to ourselves.
I’m crazy but I keep it under control.
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Getting tired of being an addict with an addicts mind.
I ate some poppies a friend grew in their yard for a opiate buzz, actually got a really good one to. But was immediately unsatisfied and thinking about how i would be able to get more. But there was none, i ate them all (my friend was ok with it) and it triggered a deep week long depression.
Sucks so much to be unable to enjoy something before immediately thinking about how i would get a lifetime supply of it. Its the progression of the condition and its terrible. Soon i wont be able to have a cup of coffee without fiending for a coffee plantation in cuba
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I hear you.
I sometimes say to myself that ten is not enough so one is too many.
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.
Major Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, SSRI resistant depression:
For those who get no help from their depression from SSRIs, Ketamine infusion (8 doses in 3 weeks) has been proven to help 70% of those with resistant depression.
It also has dropped repeat suicide attempts by 90%.
.
I’ve gone through 35 years of yearly depression without knowing this, now there are 4 clinics in my province - 2 private and 2 in hospitals.
Expensive but if it works it’s priceless.
.
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Depression would usually affect me seasonally in the short day winter months, which was about a month back in Sacramento.
I moved to a rainy spot in Hawaii & have had “seasonal depression” for over a year and a half now. 
It’s the main reason for moving back. People are confused of course, & who TF wants to hear about how miserable it is for me.
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Just tell them it was a great adventure and now it’s over. They don’t need your whole life story. Living abroad is a big challenge and who knows what’s outside your comfort zone until you get there.
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Sorry Hawaii didn’t work out for you man, I always think of it as a paradise but nearly constant rain and high humidity is not a pleasant experience. We have had a lot of rain here this year and the humidity and dampness in the house plus not being able to do anything outside because you’re either getting soaked from the rain or soaked with sweat from wearing water proof clothing that doesn’t breath.
So where is next Nevada 
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I lived in a place for ages that was in cloud and miserable drizzle for 3/4 of the time, too much grey and rain fks with the mind big time.
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Yeah. I knew it would be a challenge but should’ve decided to move a year ago. Getting the place cleaned up & ready to sell is almost overwhelming(or is)
I told my dad “2 years in Hawaii” sounds like a memoir 
Thanks man 
I tried to get 2 other places before this one & was desparate to not leave defeated. MOST of the islands are not like the rainy side of the Big Island(Hawaii Island).
I haven’t been swimming the whole time or even gone fishing. Been a prisoner in my rainforest cabin. The beaches on this island are rough AF because it’s too geologically new…& a lot of coastline is just suicide.
Yeah. My dehumidifier has been one of the best things I’ve bought here. Starlink internet & Honda lawnmower are like #1 & 2 
There’s absolutely no prediction or timing the weather here either, so doing anything outside is just weather roulette 
Maddening.
Better spots in Hawaii cost a lot more-- on the leeward(dry) side my 3 acre place would be a million 
more at least. 
Thanks for listenin’
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Welcome to OG @Shelynaomi, unfortunately advertising is not allowed on the forum so someone has flagged your first post.
i am open to suggestions on how to satisfy my urge/desire/“need” to grow again without actually doing it. stuff keeps coming up, schedules get moved constantly, im not really capable of thinking everything through and im starting to realize i need to kill the dream at least for a bit. doing that without becoming an asshole to others in short term might be challenging, so appreciate any ideas.
This is my big problem. When I was diagnosed it was called light deprovision. Yeah, I am old 
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Getting isn’t to bad if you understand that you’re getting older. My depression starts this time of year. Not to bad this year. Hard to explain.
I enjoy things a little bit better.
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Brother, you ain’t alone in that feeling and need and restriction. Hell, all these beans maybe aren’t just for producing buds after all; maybe just sprout some quick and then eat them? It’s something at least and would keep that energy flowing. Stoned thought but a lot of us have been there and feel for you and don’t want the fire to fade all the way!
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I realized last year that I get SAD pretty bad in the fall, but it passes at a certain point. I’m hoping it’s as simple as the time change, because it’s already feeling better having the sun up at 6:20 and not waking up and having to get the day moving when it’s barely light out.
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you want some beans?
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Why thank you but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to do them justice in my current location. Quite restrictive here.
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