Yep. I understand as I struggle with the same “kinks”.
You’re right, somedays it just be dat way. Be still, be quiet and breathe. Much Love
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Working out in my garden today was exactly what I needed. Could have been warmer though, only 61 with a wicked wind all day. Gardening has been the absolute best cure for my depression and anxiety yet. Never fails. How could you worry about yourself when there are so many other living things outside that rely on you? I’m gonna have to make up some work, but it was worth it. I feel much better, panic attacks are no joke. I deeply empathize with anyone who suffers from them.
Thanks for being here for me! I appreciate you!
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I agree 
% wouldnt wish them on my worst enemy.
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The best advice I could ever give anyone with regards to this is…
Regardless of how bad you think things are, they will get better. With every grey cloud comes a silver lining…
Peace
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re: panic/anxiety attacks
My first one sent me to the ER…felt like the onset of hallucinogens, tasted metal, etc. etc. … I thought I was possibly having a stroke or heart attack & called my lil sister who was in the middle of finals 
because I was afraid to drive there. 
After all the equipment scanning & dr’ing BS the dude (this is CA, yeah, Dr Dude) said my heart looked OK(really? fucker never cut me open 
) and asked if i’d been under a lot of stress. I chuckled & smiled, had begun feeling normal.
So the things that jumped out ot me from my Wikipedia’ing were:
- first time is often worst for many people; it can form a “feedback loop”
- excess CO2 in lungs --> brain thinks you’re drowning == panic attack
- often exp’d by people whose parents “expressed an overly cautions view of the world/life”
yeah no 
sherlock 
.
At the time that episode occurred I had been washing dishes, singing along to the wailers, thinking about the deathspawn ex-GF, and probably had too many cigarrettes back-to-back, and some strong weed too.
‘…oh mockingbird, have you ever heard, words that i never heard…’
And since that time, about a decade, I have never had one as severe but have likey prevented them through self-awareness & the Gen’lzd AD is what I was labeled as too. I say it’s COPD + OCD + PTSD + spinalcord dmg + bad habits. 
here’s to good livin’ 
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My first few panic attacks, I passed out… they were definitely the worst.
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I get this thing where I feel like I can’t breathe and I’m gonna swallow my tongue. Def thought I was having a heart attack the first few times. Remember having my ex boyfriend come over and web md heart attack symptoms because if I did it it would give me another panic attack then I asked him to watch me sleep because I was afraid I was gonna stop breathing. Terrifying!
Usually now, when they come on, I take a bath. Something about the ritual and the water usually helps except the other night.
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I’m glad you’re feeling better! Ms oleskool suffers from panic attack disorder. She has found CBD tincture daily and as needed helps. Get yourself some Hurkle and grow lots of it. It’s the Silver Bullet for anxiety. Stick to indicas. Take 10 minutes a day to be still and quiet while counting the blessings in your life.
That’s all I got.
Much Love
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I have multiple combat tours and suffer from PTSD and TBI a long with other related injuries. I was at my end in 2016 when I finally asked for help. I found how many other people felt like I did. I am retiring this summer 100% medical disability and will be replacing the 18 pills a day,that I take with earth’s natural medication. Thank you for sharing. 
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Bath or moreso. Shower whilst sat down on the back of my neck for me. If I’m highly stressed I can get in/out 4 or 5 times through the night. You’ll usually find me staring into water the day after with a fishing rod too
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When my panic attacks weren’t controlled by anti-depressants for the most part, during the worst of them. I too would have nights where I got in the tub or shower 4 or 5 times myself. Water is def a healing force. Instead of fishing, I’m glad I have discovered gardening as fishing just isn’t as accessible here unless you want to fish off the pier into the ocean. Not exactly relaxing as it is busy and crowded at the beach here.
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That’s fucking awesome brother! What a great story. The power of our medicine is remarkable. I might also recommend looking into micro-dosing mushrooms. A 1/2 gram to 1 gram dose in the morning. Best PTSD/Depression treatment IMHO.
Best of luck to you.
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Meesh, With the lemon balm, put a bunch of just picked leaves in a cup pour on boiling water and steep 10 minutes then drink, Ive only done it a few times as normally take capsules but it worked surprisingly well.
Hope it helps you
CBD is a lifesaver too for depression.
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Went to a memorial service today for my childhood friend’s dad.
It was a healthy thing & I hope I can be as classy & decent to my parents.
Disappointingly I had to smoke a LOT of weed by myself…about a 1/4 in a couple of hours. Thanks to the legal changes I hotboxed a small grove of redwoods where I last played as a young teen. A place that we’d definitely been busted back then–100’ from the Po-lice dept.
I was still able to give away some herbs to the youngest kid(he’s almost 40, divorced, 2 kids heheh) and joints to a friend who knows what to do with them. 
My dad said I smelled like dank from 7’ away. I couldn’t smell anything. 
Scouts’ honor.
It was an important somewhat cathartic process for me, having been denied the funeral for my brother in law who died tragically & I discovered ODed. The father in law to my sister is through and through; my compassion is disabled there.
So I’m well deep in THC at the moment. Lovin’ that I type ‘mental’ into the search box & i get to Cola’s thread here and if we type ‘treeh’ the first suggestion is my podunk herbarium thread. 
Judge Mental presiding, you may be seated. Probably already were. nyuk-nyuk-nyuk
Love you all. Most of you knuckleheads anyway.
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Dealing with Death is a humbling experience IMO… Regardless of how cliche this may sound, we have to live life one day at a time, and live it on your own terms…
Peace
DaFozz
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More gloom & doom so that’s why I’m here bangin’ on the door.
My mom’s in the hospital with pneumonia, awaiting biopsy results from something in the lungs, and shit ain’t good. A smoker until she went to the ER last week, she’s already “beat” cancer of the tongue about a decade ago, but continued to smoke.
Complicating the obvious stress from that is my dear sibling who is shouldering the burden of mom’s needs a second time. Phone conversation has been difficult (to be polite) and I’m not handling the accusations & judgement well. At the moment it feels more raw & distressing than my mom’s declining health. I know time may massage that a bit but I suspect misgivings to come, all rooted in misunderstanding.
So if you feel like sharing about these kinds of events-- I’m fairly green to losing family & completely to parents, it’d do me a lot of good to hear you. Absent any extended family(parents have no siblings), the folk around here ARE part of my family.
Thanks to Orange Sunshine for making this post possible. 
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Hopefully your mum does recover and recover speedily at that. You already know I lost my little brother. I haven’t spoken to my mother or one of my sister’s since then. So yup I’d say you’re right in anticipation of some misdirected accusations and anger…takes a smart man to realise it’s coming before it happens so I’m sure you’ll be okay. To put things quite bluntly here I would have no emotion if I was told today my mother or father were dead but it’s clear you love yours. Given your hobby is there no way you could make some of the better known alternative methods to try and help your mum if it is cancer again. RSO? Wheatgrass shots and a predominantly alkaline diet?
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Cutting certain family members out of your life can be a difficult thing to process and actually follow through with. My two siblings (older brother and younger sister) I’ve ceased to acknowledge that they even exist. It’s the best thing I ever did. By cutting their negativity out if my life I’m a much happier and more chilled out person. Between the two of them they dragged me that far down that far I even tried to take my own life just to get away from them both. Negativity is no different to cancer. Both will remain and keep getting worse until they are removed. If not removed it will eventually kill you.
You can choose your friends but not your family unfortunately 
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